There’s nothing in particular that makes today better than yesterday. No fabulous new test results that say everything is going to be perfect, not even any new reassurance from my doctor or a recent ultrasound showing those wonderful heartbeats. I don’t actually have any reason to believe the rug won’t still be pulled out from under me.
And yet…
Yesterday was 8w5d, the day when I discovered my last miscarriage. I’ve been kind of a wreck all week, as you may have gathered from earlier posts. It would come and go during the day. On the train ride to work, I’d have myself convinced I was cramping more than usual (was it just gas? a full bladder?). While at work I’d check several times a day to make sure I wasn’t bleeding, but I’d mostly calm down. On the train ride home (when there was no bathroom around), I was again sure I was bleeding. By 8:30pm, the energy of all that worrying had me exhausted.
Today, the worry is not gone. I’m still plenty paranoid about this thing, that thing, or the other thing. But there’s something emotionally significant about 8w5d coming and going (seemingly) without incident. I’m looking forward to my appointment on Tuesday, as this will be the third time I’ve had a “first appointment” scheduled, and hopefully the first time I’ll actually keep it. I’m not getting my hopes up that they’ll be able to pick up the heartbeats on doppler, but at least I know my OB will let me have an ultrasound shortly thereafter if they can’t be found that way. Please, oh please, let this whole thing work out.
Here’s to hoping for an uneventful weekend.
Congratulations on making it over the hurdle.
Congrats! Glad you are further along and that everything seems to be going great! Loved seeing the u/s pics and grats on the twins!