Crazy Pregnant Woman Loses Mind in Local Grocery Store

So, allow me to set the scene.

On my way home from work, just before 6PM and I’m almost there. I’m driving from the train station, sleepy from a day of work, annoyed that I feel the need to pee for the third time in an hour. I call my hubby to let him know I’m on the way, and he rightfully points out that we need to get to Lowe’s to pick out fixtures and things for our new bathroom. I figure we might as well go right away, before I get too comfortable at home and don’t want to go back out.

This was a mistake.

So, off we go, picking sinks and toilets (for crying out loud, they’re all toilets) and sconces. We finish with all of that, and remember we wanted to get window shades for our newly remodeled den. I’m quickly running out of gas. I suddenly could care less about stupid blinds, and feel the need to get out. Husband realizes I’m at the end of my rope, and out we go.

Now comes the dinner dilemma. It’s Passover, so my husband is dutifully avoiding all hametz (I’m not being so good this year, my diet is restricted enough right now). This makes quick dinners more difficult than you would guess if you’ve never tried it. He reminds me that we can go straight over to our nearby Whole Foods, who has a reasonable selection of Passover-esque foods. I’m getting pretty hungry, and I was already tired, so this is making for a crabby me. But food is on the way, so I’ll make it.

We get to Whole Foods, and head over for the prepared foods section. This Whole Foods is pretty large, so there’s a big salad bar, hot food bar, prepared food case, pasta station, sushi chefs, fresh pizza… you name it. My husband has already decided on some rosemary lamb and apple-matzo kugel. I, on the other hand, am suddenly paralyzed with indecision. Nothing looks good. The salad bar isn’t substantial enough. The california rolls at the sushi bar are my usual standby, but I just had some yesterday. The hot food bar looks like everything has been out just a little too long, and it’s late enough in the evening that they aren’t refreshing anything. The pizzas are a little too “creative” for my current tastes. The sandwiches are out of the running due to my avoidance of deli meat. I’m beside myself. I’m wandering aimlessly, hoping something will jump out at me. Nothing does, and I’m getting hungry enough that I’m starting to get a little nauseous.

The next thing I know, I have burst into tears. My poor husband tries a joke to make me laugh, but I’m long gone. Next thing I know, I’m standing in front of a cooler of mini-quiches, crying uncontrollably. I fully realize the absurdity of the situation, but I am suddenly powerless to stop crying. My husband suggests macaroni and cheese, or a nice chicken caesar salad, but to no avail. I only cry harder. I have a moment where I think I might just get a bagel, but I then realize I don’t even like the bagels at Whole Foods (too hard). I’m long gone. We need to just go home so I can have PB&J and some ice cream. I don’t even stand in the checkout line, because by now my face is splotchy and wet and my eyes are bright red. We get in the car and head home, and my usual comedian of a husband realizes now is not the time to tease me.

Finally, at 7:45, we get home. I run to the bathroom, yet again (I already went at Lowe’s, so this makes four times in under three hours). While my husband is putting away the few assorted things we did pick up at the store, a bit of inspiration strikes. Dinner for me now consists of vanilla yogurt, assorted berries (which hubby grabbed in the produce section pre-meltdown), and granola. Followed by Ben & Jerry’s Oatmeal Cookie Chunk.

I’ve returned (more or less) to a more human state, and have stopped crying. Let’s just say I was feeling a little stressed this evening. I was frustrated with my various pregnancy woes, including the ridiculous percentage of my day I spend peeing and the reflux that shows up every day between 4:00 and 7:00PM. I’m a bit stressed about some work stuff I have going on tomorrow. I was tired of all the decisions involved in putting one little half bathroom into our house. It was the perfect storm of a crazy pregnant woman.

Let’s hope I’ve learned at least one lesson from this evening. That lesson is not to ignore the “eat as soon as you get home from work” mandate. Let’s just say that doing so is downright perilous. Innocent bystanders could have been seriously injured. No, sir. Next time, when we have an errand to run, I’ll make sure I eat first.

And pee. Again.