Off we go, again

We leave for Florida tomorrow, for an early Passover visit with M’s family. Weather should be nice, family is super excited to see the babies. But I cannot lie. We haven’t even left yet, and already I’m exhausted.

All of this travel is killing me. This is our fourth round-trip with the kids. We’ve gone somewhere nearly every month since Christmas. It’s draining, physically, emotionally, and financially. Yes, we’re fortunate, we can technically afford the plane tickets. But that doesn’t mean I’m exactly happy to spend all of that money.

This is sort of one of those times I really wish I only had one kid. Not that I’d give up either of mine, obviously, but I can dream of how my life would be comparatively much easier with only one. I’d be more willing to travel with one kid as a lap infant, and not have to pay for an extra seat. I’d be more willing to travel by myself, which is a pretty unrealistic option with two. If I could travel by myself, I wouldn’t have to be tied to M’s vacation time, and we wouldn’t be spending a paltry 48 hours in Florida this weekend.

This is also when I feel more and more like I wish I lived in Chicago. I wrote about this on How Do You Do It? earlier this week, and it’s still very much on my mind. When we have these small windows of time with one branch or another of the family, there is a lot of pressure to “make the most of it.” Cram in as many events, “firsts,” people, and places as possible. We really have three sets of grandparents: M’s parents, my mom (& stepdad), and my dad (& stepmom). Attempting to see all three with any degree of frequency, and attempting to devote “equal time” to all, and suddenly we’re constantly on a plane. And none of these three tend to particularly overlap socially, even when they occasionally overlap geographically. So everyone is sort of protective of “their” time.

Except that, for instance, my mom will be in Florida while we’re there this weekend. About an hour away from my in-laws. Not surprisingly, she very much wants to come see the babies. With my stepdad. And my grandmother. And my aunt & uncle. I’m torn, and feeling a lot of competing pressures. On the one hand, I obviously want my mom (and everyone else) to be able to see the kids. Mom, stepdad, and grandmother haven’t seen them since our last trip to Florida, and aunt & uncle haven’t even met them yet. On the other hand, we’ve only got a very short period of time with M’s family, including his grandmother, who is getting pretty old and is not in the greatest health. Do I tell my family that, no, they can’t come see the kids? How could I do that? But do I intrude on M’s family’s time with the kids? I don’t want to do that, either.

And so, you can see why I was very nearly in tears just thinking about it this afternoon.

This is also why I wish I lived in Chicago, near the vast majority of my family. Then, I wouldn’t have to cram everything into these tiny windows of time. We could have people over for dinner one night, go spend a day at grandma’s some other time, etc. We could take a trip to Florida to see M’s family, and not have to split it with other people, or use his one remaining vacation day to do it (he’d have plenty if we didn’t have all of that other family we had to travel to see!). We wouldn’t have to (as my mom did at Christmas) host an open house so that the most people could view the babies in the shortest period of time. Three cheers for efficiency?

My sister-in-law is probably right. I probably should work on setting limits and absolving myself of much of the responsibility of ensuring that everyone gets their “fair share” of the kids. That sounds like the right thing to do. Except that, after 20 years of doing the divorced-parent time-share dance, and then the last 7 years of adding another family to the mix… I just don’t see that happening any time soon. I can say that everyone should come here more often, and that’s true. And I think that will happen… except it can’t really happen with M’s family, what with his grandmother’s health and all.

But alas, no more time for the pity party this evening. There’s laundry to be done and bags to be packed, and an early-morning flight to catch. It’s questionable as to whether I’ll have much by way of time on the computer this weekend (remember, lots to cram into a short period of time!!!), so I’ll catch you all on the flipside. Have a great weekend, everyone!