The first in what I suspect will be an occasional series / theme over the next 6-12 months.
Let me make it clear right off the bat: I am not pregnant. I am not trying to get pregnant. Measures are taken to ensure that I do not become pregnant. But, good lord, it feels like everyone else is.
Several friends, at least six people from my mom/baby classes, people all over the blogosphere. These things come in waves, of course. There was the summer of a thousand weddings, and a few years later it was one baby shower after another. Now, of course, my kids are (very nearly) 18 months old. This, clearly, is another one of those waves. Everyone, it sometimes seems, is pregnant with the second kid.
Obviously not really the case with my twin mom friends who have similar-aged kids to mine. I think those who have twins first tend to wait longer to have additional kids, if at all. But still… it’s out there. [Like turning 40!]
And herein lies my current internal debate: more kids, or stop here? With all of the pregnancy around me, it’s hard not to be bit by the bug. And really, I am lucky and totally hit the jackpot. M and I more or less agreed that two kids was a good number, and we got the boy/girl split in one fell swoop. M is more than happy to tell friends, family, and passers-by on the street that we’re All. Done. Me? I’ve always claimed that I was not committing to the decision, one way or another.
If I do decide that I want more kids (and can convince M), I like the idea of there being roughly three years between the older kids and any new addition(s). Counting backwards, that tells me I’d like to try and make up my mind in the next six months, around the time my kids turn two.
So, I’ll be turning to you, interwebs, for some help working through my thoughts. I’ll definitely post again with more specific concerns, but I just want to start by hearing people’s overall opinions and experiences on having additional kid(s) after multiples, and on larger families in general. For those who, like me, had the two-fer right from the very beginning… have you decided to stop there? Have you decided to keep going? Why? People without multiples, how did you decide on your family size, or are you still in the throes?
I’d love to hear your initial thoughts in the comments, or feel free to write a blog post on the subject and just leave the link.
And seriously, before any of my friends and family get all worked up into a tizzy, this is nothing more than an internal debate right now. I truly don’t know which side I’m going to end up on. But it’s certainly something that’s on my mind, and I’d really like to have honest feedback.
hehehe I love this
GO FOR IT! *grin* You ROCK at being a twin mom – join us in the Twins + 1 group!
Seriously, before we even got married, Mike and I decided on having 3 kids…which is why we went for the 3rd after twins. And boy oh boy do you get crazy looks from people. (Or people looking at you like you’re crazy…)
It totally changes the family dynamic. Twins are never really “only” children, but there’s definitely an aspect that makes them seem somewhat like only kids. It’s hard for them to share even MORE of mommy when the 3rd comes along…but I think it’s good for them
And I suppose it depends on the baby, but one baby after having the two in the house is a BREEZE LOL
Good luck with your decision!
Nancy´s last blog post..Super Trooper
Yes, well, I’m not sure M will want my feedback here…
While we did not plan to have a child after multiples, it was really the best thing. Ever. On so many levels!
First, we are SO much more relaxed and enjoying this singleton in ways we never could have if we hadn’t had twins already to “break us in”. Also, the boys get a lot of special attention paid to them for being “twins” and the baby helps to diffuse some of that. Which is helpful. Not to mention, we have a ton of stuff that we get to re-use
I am actually posting about this on Wednesday for HDYDI so read my full views then!
Cynthia´s last blog post..Makes My Monday-Little Lady
I’m in the “go for it” camp. Our twins were actually our 2nd and 3rd, and I think 3 is such fun! The first year with a 2 year old and newborn twins was very hard for me, but since you had twins first, a singleton baby might feel like a breeze. Plus, a 3 year age gap seems wonderful (that was my initial plan, but things just happend quicker). Big sister is 3 1/2 now, and if I were to bring home a baby, she would be in heaven, and pretty helpful, I might add!
The only problem with three is that you are outnumbered, so it makes traveling and going on family outings more challenging. I would think that would only be for the first few years (at least, that’s what I’m hoping).
Can’t wait to hear what you decide! Good luck!
I don’t have children yet, so I don’t know where I will end up on the spectrum once that happens. But – I loved growing up in a larger family (I was one of four daughters). The chaos, crazy Christmas mornings, etc. I think it all comes down to what you know – and that’s what I knew as a child (and loved!).
However, it’s looking like a big family isn’t in the cards for me as we probably won’t start trying until I’m 30 – and there are only so many childbearing years ahead of that.
Interesting topic – I’m looking forward to reading the comments!
It really does seem like everyone is pregnant, and it has some basis in reality. The US is currently having a baby “boomlet” which is just a stepping stone on to a real boom.
It really is amazing how many people assume that when you have twins as your first children you *must* be done having children. We haven’t made that choice yet, and it irks me to no end when people put in their 2 ot 4 or 6 cents!
Carrie´s last blog post..New Skills
I’m DONE. 100% done. We wanted two and got two.
If we moved to three (or four, because you know, we got the surprise two naturally and I’m fairly certain I still multiple eggs at each cycle), it would mean a larger house, a larger car, and I may not be able to continue working because not sure if we could afford day care.
Since all I can think about are the reasons NOT to have kids, I know I’m done.
Also, the thought of being pregnant and puking with two year old twins is SCAAARRRRRRRRYYYY to me.
LauraC´s last blog post..Airport park
I have never known anyone to regret having that next child but I have heard people say they wished they had just had one more.
That being said, we are on #2, my hubby has closed but not locked the door on #3 and I could go either way.
Emily´s last blog post..Shoveling with Daddy
I was also (mostly) ALL. DONE. but had not closed the door yet. So after many years of infertility and b/g twins with IVF, we (well, him mostly) were shocked when I was pregnant again au natural. We are very happy with the third (they are 17.5 months apart) for all the same reasons as Cynthia. And they love her so much, too, which is the real kicker….
My grandmother made an off-hand remark a few years back that resonates more with me each day.
She has four living children (and also dealt with a stillbirth and multiple miscarriages), and said the only thing in her life she regrets is not having more children.
(I’m in for at least one more. A total of three sounds good theoretically, but I have a feeling the experience with #2 will play a large part in deciding on #3.)
I think 3 is a good number
I can kind of see myself having one more when the girls are 4 or 5 and can help me push the stroller and fetch the wipes, etc. This would, however, open the possibility of a boy, and I kind of like the all female thing I’ve got going on…
For you, I say do it! I think you were born to be a Mom, and by this point you must be a baby genius. It would be a shame to let all that genius go to waste! Keep the baby ball rollin’…
Jungletwins´s last blog post..Why I Fear the Mothers’ Group
I agree that you are a really good mom, practical, effective, and you roll with the punches. And, I think you could easily handle another one, especially when Rebecca and Daniel get a little older and can help out,(3?, 4?). For me, I would GIVE ANYTHING to become pregnant again, I am 42, and my docs have said no more pregnancies–two miscarriages before Kate,and a difficult & scary pregnancy with her (although I LOVED being pregnant) convinced me I may not be as lucky the next time. We are going to foster or adopt when Kate hits 4. I grew up with 4 brothers and sisters and loved my big, loud family growing up. We are very close to this day, even through divorces, we still vacation together every other year.
I am in the same boat. My twins are almost 20 months old and the thought of another baby does creep into my head. I lean towards Laura C’s view that having toddler twins and dealing with all that comes with pregnancy is scary. But I guess I am teetering because I still save things for a future baby. It’s a hard decision.
Patricia´s last blog post..Teacher
I never wanted more than two kids. It took is SO long to have the girls – and we both decided that we would NEVER go through the fertility process again. And we were pretty much told that I would never be able to conceive and/or carry a pregnancy for more than a few weeks “naturally.” I was devastated when I found out we were pregnant again. I am TERRIFIED of having to deal with PPD again. The sleep deprivation makes me want to cry already. BUT – on the other hand….I’m excited about having this baby now. It’s just ONE baby. Seriously – could it be an easier????? Yeah – being pregnant while still having to be a Mother to the girls sucks. Puking in my driveway while they watch and cry was horrible. I’m so tired all the time too. And I feel like I can’t get a second to rest. But all that aside I’m excited about number three. I never thought I would be. And the shop will definitely be CLOSED after this French Fry comes along (tube tied….). All in all – given the chance to do it again, I would have just had two….but now that 3 is on the way I’m embracing it and I’m excited about being able to do all the things I couldn’t do with the twins with the new baby. It will be a challenge but I’m sure it will be fun
I would say go for it if you are in any way leaning towards having another one!!!
Marnie´s last blog post..Tuesday, full of Grace…
I am definitely going to try for another pregnancy (heck, I could have twins again). I believe closer in time is better – you have the energy now, they can play together more easily once the other kid(s) get bigger. I agree with Laura that it may be difficult for my family with 2 working parents but you stay home so while it may be exhausting at least you are already financially used to it. I always say that together my kids make a great single baby or a terror of a single baby. I just fear that somehow I’m going to end up with a really tough singleton!
Mommy, Esq.´s last blog post..Job Insecurity
I couldn’t do it. We just feel so complete as a family. I don’t feel that tug of needing more kids right now. We won’t try for more but if it happens it happens.
But I think you have it in you. I think you’re a great mom and think you can definitely handle it. If you both want one or two more I think you should definitely go for it.
Giovanna Diaries´s last blog post..It’s only hair!
My partner already had a grownup boy when we had the twins so I know he’s happy to stop there. I always thought 2 was a good number so for a while I thought Id NEVER get pregnant again (you know how it is, twin pregnancy surprise, hard pregnancy, intense birth and first six weeks was hell) but now they’re four months old and smiling and laughing and gazing at me with adoring eyes I cant help thinking…ooohhh;;;;;another one would be so cute…..HORMONES!!! thats what it is!!!
For financial reasons we can’t. And our house is too small. So I’m trying to make the most of it and not complain too much when its hard, becasue we were lucky to get given two!
screamish´s last blog post..Linda Blair
I am right there with you on the internal debate. My twins are also 18 months and lately I have been bitten by the bug. It is a good thing that I have my IUC (Mirena) to make my decision easy for the moment. I, like you, want to make the decision of more children in the next 1.5 years. I always thought I had plenty of time but the last 18 months went by so quickly that the decision will have to be made sooner that later.
Another internal debate… Since I already have the most beautiful twin girls in the world (ok I know..my opinion)- I would love to have a boy next time. If there is a next time and we are blessed with another girl, will I be disappointed? Emotions that I have not worked around yet– so I know it is not the time now. But, again, these are more issues that enter the discussion and debate.
Just want you to know– I completely understand!
Good luck!
I feel that the best gage is do you think in 5 or 10 or even 20 years you will look back and regret not having more children. A good friend once said to me they knew they were done, no wondering, or hmm hawing about it they felt it. Myself on the other hand felt I would regret not having just 1 more child (we already had 2 girls and 2 boys) we ended up with twins, a boy and a girl, and we can not imagine our family without them.