You could make the argument that my biggest fear about switching to beds has come true. But, to be completely honest, the writing was on the wall for several weeks prior. I can’t blame the bed.
Daniel is trying to drop his nap.
It’s a highly intentional act, consistent in tone to other behavior/control/defiance issues we’re dealing with. Over the course of the last week, in particular, he has become very conscious of the fact that he can control whether or not he goes to sleep at naptime. For the first time in two and a half years, he is seriously protesting taking a nap. “I’m not tired.” “I don’t need to sleep.” “I don’t want to take a rest.” “I’m all out of energy to sleep.” “My yawn says that it’s time to play outside.”
It’s a nap shitstorm over here. You’ll excuse the profanity, and understand that I’m actually showing a lot of restraint right now. Between the skipped naps, the heat and humidity, and the lack of central air conditioning, the only words I actually want to speak are of the four-letter variety. I’m trying to hold it together in front of the kids, but with only moderate success.
Every day, I wonder how bad it’s going to be. If he outright skips the nap, he can seem somewhat agreeable for a little while. But the truth is that he’s a ragged edge, just waiting to snag on something and completely lose it. That nearly always happens by dinnertime.
If he messes around for an hour and a half (or two hours, OMFG), and then falls asleep, I end up having to wake him around 4:30, just so he’ll have some chance of going back to sleep at bedtime. That is, universally, a nightmare. He’s nothing short of horrid when you wake him up. Hysterical sobbing, can’t listen to anything, pitches a fit about everything. A bad nap is actually worse than no nap at all.
And once in what seems like a blue moon, he goes up there and falls asleep within 30-45 minutes, takes a nice two-hour nap, and is the delightful child that is hiding under the nap-beast I see most days.
When I talk to people about the difficulty we’re having, it’s amazing to me how many people leap to the conclusion that it must be time to give up the nap. To which I would like to say, HELL TO THE MOTHERFUCKING NO. (sorry, couldn’t keep that one in.)
Yes, maybe the nap is in the beginning stages of phasing out. It has to happen sometime. I have had my moments where I wonder if it’s time.
But then I watch the behavior. Only on the days when he has a “normal” nap is he the happy, delightful version of himself for any extended period of time. Yes, that sometimes means he sings for a while at night, but I’ll take it if he’s actually happy and friendly during his waking hours. Sometimes he fools you, holding it together pretty darn well when he skips the nap. But more often than not, it’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Today, I thought I was a shoo-in. Took them swimming for over an hour, which is usually guaranteed to wear them out. Plus, it’s quite hot, which always makes me more sleepy. Put them down right on time (sometimes nap gets pushed late, and though he falls asleep a little sooner, it’s the messed-up-nap shitstorm as described above). Yeah. Daniel didn’t sleep AT ALL, and Rebecca (who often takes herself up for naptime) only slept an hour. KILL ME.
For those who say he’s just not tired? Guess what he did for the first time in MONTHS when we were coming back from the mall (woo, air conditioning)? Fell asleep in the car. And just for some added fun, peed through his shorts (screw you, potty training).
I’m not sure there’s much of a solution to this one. I can set up rules and boundaries for that time I designate as “naptime,” but I cannot force him to go to sleep. (Apparently using tranquilizers on toddlers is “frowned upon.”) I know that I’m right. I know that, most days, he absolutely does need that nap. But being right isn’t worth much at the moment. It doesn’t get us any closer to a well-rested child. Unfortunately, I think I just have to wait this one out.
In the meantime, I’m not exactly the picture of maternal patience. As all of my mom friends know, the kid not napping is a major source of stress and barrier to getting things accomplished. When he’s up there messing around, I feel like I can’t even go upstairs. Can’t take a shower, can’t mess around on my sewing machine. Can’t even sit downstairs and turn on the TV at an audible volume, because he insists on turning off his white noise machine.
Oof. Can a girl get a frosty beverage over here? Stat?
Yikes. I so do not look forward to those days. Too smart for their own good!
What does wise Weissbluth say on the subject? Hang in there…
Nicole recently posted..A Day in the Life with just 2
I’d never say you were wrong. You know your child and you know how much sleep he needs, but is he ready to drop the nap and switch to a longer stretch at night? Our girls went from 10 hours at night plus a 2 hour nap to no naps but sleeping 12 hours at night. Thankfully, they did it at the same time and I can’t imagine the nightmare of one who is ready to make that transition and one who isn’t.
Rhonda recently posted..Snippity Snip
That all blows. I will tell you that Sarah ditched her nap for weeks and weeks – like a ratio of 1realnap:6skippednaps. We are now at 6realnaps:1skippednap. What changed? Nothing. I drove myself bat shit crazy trying to figure out what I could do to get her to nap. Turns out it has nothing at all to do with me. But, even with a long time of missing naps she is now back on a napping kick. Who knew? Anyway, you’re obviously going to stay the course and see where it takes you but oh my does the course seem brutal. My fingers are crossed that D. will turn it around like S. has done. They were both at one point champion nappers, right? Ugh.
jane recently posted..On A Trip
You have given voice to one of my greatest fears. I love the nap. It’s 2-3 hours in the middle of the day of ME time. I am proactively mourning the loss of Cameron’s nap and hope that she will continue to nap until she’s at least 7. What? A mom can hope!
Stacey recently posted..Toddler discipline
Ugh. There is nothing worse that nap troubles. NOTHING. AT. ALL.
Oh, this is one of my rants about other moms. Mention…just mention…a nap issue or a weird mid-night wake-up and the first thing out of anyone’s mouth is, “Well, I wonder if they are ready to drop the name.” To which I say, “Over my dead freaking body.” I love other moms most of the time, but I really hate this advice. I want OTHER advice. My thoughts about Mr. D.—pretend not to care. Call it rest time, not nap time. If you don’t care if he sleeps, it takes away the fun of bugging you by not sleeping—how can you be defiant if the other person doesn’t care what you do? Another thought–maybe a sticker chart for a nap? But, I think overall, Jane is probably right. These are phases—if you stick with the nap, they will pass. Just stock up on frosty beverages while you are waiting for them to pass.
2.75 right? From talking to my other friends, 2.75 is a big time they like to fuck with you and pretend they don’t want to nap. We went through that. We stuck it out. They napped again.
NOW we force them not to nap on weekends because they do NOT NEED a nap. I know they don’t need a nap because if they nap, they are up until 10PM. If they don’t nap, they are asleep at 7:30-8.
Stick it out sister!
PS. Did I ever mention we reversed the knobs on their doors so we can lock them in? Oh yeah, they were locked in every nap with a potty in their room. That’s the only way we could ensure they would stay in their room so we could do stuff.
LauraC recently posted..Im going to feel old writing this out loud
PPS what toys do you have in the room? Alex wouldn’t nap unless his room was completely barren. The only thing he could have in there was books. Put one toy in there and he played for two hours. Zero toys, he would get so bored he would eventually fall asleep.
LauraC recently posted..Im going to feel old writing this out loud
Ugh, I’m so very sorry. I hope this works itself out and you def know best what D needs. I truly hate nap advice from others, esp my MIL who likes to compare L to babies much older – well, so and so’s 1-year old only takes one 1-hour nap a day as if I give a shit what someone else’s much older and likely sleep-deprived kid does. My girl needs her naps and they are precisely why she is a pleasure and full of smiles most of the time lately – things have been going so well – crossing fingers and sending good nap vibes your way!
Correction – I don’t hate nap advice – you’ve given me plenty of awesome nap advice – I hate unsolicited nap commentary because the crap I get from some people can hardly be called advice
I could have written this post! My girls are about a month younger than D&R. Ella has been pulling the same shit as Daniel. I have been going CRAZY trying to get this kid to nap. I had some crazy routine going a few weeks ago where I would stroke her hair and cheeks and she would fall asleep within 10 minutes. Worked great for 4 days, then it was back to the same ole. She requests constant trips to the potty (effing potty training!), runs around and tears up her closet, unplugs the air conditioner (WTF!), etc. Whenever I ask any other moms for advice, they tell me she is getting ready to drop the nap and to just make peace with it, to which I reply, “SUCK IT.” I know she needs her nap. If she doesn’t nap, she is a mess by dinner, if she will even sit at the table for dinner.
I have decided not to stress too much about it. I cannot win this battle if she ultimately decides to drop the nap, although I am absolutely requiring her to stay in her room for 2 hours. For the past 4 days, she has fallen asleep relatively quickly for nap. Has she turned the corner? I don’t know. I just know that I cannot let a few weeks of nap struggles scare me into prematurely dropping nap, especially because a lot of people (some above) described similar issues which resolved on their own.
Stick with the nap. You know your kid. This seems to be somewhat normal behavior for a 2.75 year old. Hopefully, this is just another in a long line of shitty phases, most of which are nothing more than a distant nightmare.
Tranquilizers are frowned upon, but would he object to some warm chamomile tea? It would help me, hehe.
UGH! Wish I could do more than empathize. If it helps at all, my daughter is 3 1/2 and I still insist upon a nap almost every day. She went through a period where she would play in her room most of the time (which I was okay with), but now does spend the majority of the time most days actually sleeping. Our bedrooms are all upstairs and I stay downstairs mostly during naptime and close the gate at the top of the stairs so she can’t come down until I come get her.
I don’t know if this is considered “acceptable” at all, but would shortening the amount of time they sleep at night (putting them down a little later) maybe help?
Good luck and hang in there! Mommy knows best!
-Tara
Tara recently posted..In Honor of Two Great Fathers
A&B went through this nap boycotting phase but now they are back to sleeping again. We were so close to moving them into separate rooms and then it worked itself out. Hopefully it will come back around for Daniel too.
I would never advocate dropping the nap. Even Alaina (who is five) still takes a quiet time every day and I would say 75% of the time, she still sleeps in there. Because kids NEED to sleep (whether they WANT to or not, is different). And parents NEED a break during the day.
Cynthia recently posted..Proof
PS – I second what LauraC wrote: we reversed the door knobs on A&B door and lock it at nap time (not bed time, just nap time) and there are ZERO toys in there. In fact, they don’t have a dresser, or a lamp, or shades – just beds – LOL! Not saying that’s your answer, but it did help us.
Cynthia recently posted..Proof
I 3rd the reserved locks. We actually just did this believe it or not with a 4 year old just to keep him in his room during quiet time. He gave up the nap around 3 much to my sad dismay. In part due to his Montessori school that only does 1 hour rest time and with 5 year olds awake, B was too.
Hang in there with everything and congrats on the run last weekend.
Ps- Feeling the pain, it’s been a craptastic week and continuing it seems into this week here too.
heather v recently posted..I Need a Hazmat Suit and My 10k Back
I laughed when I read your post because I remember those days – wondering just how early was too early to open than bottle of wine calling my name.
My kids gave up their naps early, long before they were really ready. The only time I could get them to nap there at the end was in the car. So I made sure I always carried a book in the car and when they napped I would park in a shady spot, open the windows, and enjoy at least 30 minutes of peace even if I wasn’t getting any of the million things done that needed to be done. I do have friends who succesfully instituted quiet time in place of the nap. Sadly it didn’t work for us. Best of luck.
I’m sorry. A couple of thoughts: 1) Are there fun things to do in his room? We had to confiscate the girls’ shoes because they’d be up at all hours trying them on. 2) Is he going through some sort of developmental leap? My girls had sleep issues right when they were developing a new skill.
Sadia recently posted..Morning curiosity
Peanut was that age when he gave up his nap and it was PAINFUL. Keep trying. If he’s cranky, he still needs that nap no matter what people tell you. We moved to “quiet time” which worked for awhile. He’d nap sometimes, sometimes not. But at least he had a designated period of time he had to be in his room. Eventually, he got to a stage where quiet time was destroy his room time and then I knew we were officially done with the nap.
The problem is there is no real advice out there for helping your kids to nap – trust me, I looked and looked. It’s a rough stage and I can’t imagine the difficulty of having to balance two at the same age. I would guess he’s simply adjusting to the transition to separate rooms and big kid beds…hopefully the novelty will wear off soon and you’ll get some kind of new nap time back.
Good luck.
High Heeled Mama recently posted..Wondering if I Should be Insulted
Ugh – the nap drama. I feel for you. This age is so tough – so many transitions, giving up the crib, potty training, sleep changes, and they want to be in control of everything. I just got back from a library trip with my little one that made me want to gouge my eye out. Not much we can do, except band together and support each other. Hang in there.
If it is any consolation my girlfriend went through a short period of this and the naps came back.
It can happen.
Mental Momma recently posted..Lobsta
Hang in there! My twinkies are still in crib tents (love them!!) so we are yet to face this dilemma but I’ll pick the mom over the kiddos any day. I do know how it feels–some days it feels as though my willful toddlers are winning at the parenting game although I know that I must retain the upperhand. Its tough though. Good luck and know that we are all cheering for you. I’ll have a cold one for you tonight!
Pam recently posted..Spinach smoothies-
I sympathize. I was in the same situation last year this time when my boys were just 2. It was a painful process (for me). My boys acted just the way you described. I didn’t give up without a fight. But naptime was not restful for any of us because I either ended up cleaning up a mess they made in their room or I was standing guard outside the door the whole time. It took me several months of cranky kids to realize that I should move their bedtime up – and once I did that things got better. It was a difficult adjustment for me to give up the three hours of quiet time in the afternoon. I make up for it by structuring the day so that I am active with them in the morning and then they have time to play by themselves (gated in the family room) in the afternoon. That gives me time to get things done around the house. Giving up naps is one of the harder transitions. Good luck! (I know some moms who have had success with an every-other-day napping schedule.)
Yes! Yes! Yes!
This was one of those posts where I felt like I must have blacked out and written a post under someone else’s name. This is exactly what we are going through and how I feel. It feels so good when you realize someone else is having the same exact experience (and response! I have to literally clench my mouth to keep from cussing like an -angry- sailor!)
All I can say is best of luck and just remember that someday we will be traveling and drinking and doing whatever else we want to do, WHENEVER we want to do it…and this will all be a lovely dream that we actually miss. Riiiiight.
You have every right to curse. Also, HE CANNOT DROP HIS NAP. I don’t mean to take a tone with you, but dude. This can’t happen. Throw him in his room. Don’t let him come out. Eventually he’ll get bored and go to sleep. Tell him if he takes his nap AT nap time, he can [fill in the blank]. Tell him big boys take naps without fussing. Tell him you are taking a nap too. Say whatever you have to say. LIE! But get that kid to sleep. For the love of God.
Kami recently posted..Central Air Envy
Ohhh I dread the day of giving up naptime. Mine still nap most days, but I can see the transition coming. A friend of mine with twins in kindergarten somehow navigated the “giving up nap” stage by placing her kids in a darkened room to watch this ocean / nature video each day for the “mid-day” break. She said the video was calming and relaxing for all of them. I am keeping the idea in reserve just in case: Movie is The Blue Planet or The Planet Earth DVD sets. http://store.discovery.com/detail.php?p=85139 (link to the blue planet) they are both available on the http://www.discovery.com website.
this made me laugh out loud!!
“But the truth is that he’s a ragged edge, just waiting to snag on something and completely lose it.” –this is the best way to describe my kids without a nap, too
my kids are younger, but it applies just the same. my husband likes to talk about how “it’s criminal that their daycare allows them to skip a nap!” M came home today at 4:30pm and had been awake since 11. yikes. it was super difficult to get her to go down…. and i actually hear her now. arg.
April recently posted..Turning Over a New Leaf
I started rewarding my four year old when he takes a “good nap” which you can define yourself. I put a cd on in his room and if he comes down before it is over, it’s not a good nap (it is about 1.5 hours long). He gets a snack sized icecream cone as a reward (his favorite thing ever), and he started working at falling asleep in order to get the cone. Now he sleeps consistenly well at naptime. Hooray! GL!