Thanks to everyone for the kind words on yesterday’s big announcement. I have to admit, there has been a strange feeling of anxiety or ambivalence about spreading the news. A little less unbridled excitement than the first time. Still excited, of course, but subtly different.
Is it a second-pregnancy thing, simply that the sheen of newness is not there? That I’ve been down this road before? The fact that having an additional child, while a big deal, is not the earth-shattering change that the first is, when you go from being a Non-Parent to a Parent?
Is it because this was, at least to the outside world, less anticipated than the first time? I mean, the first time around, you could practically have set a clock to it. We made the announcement after having been married a little more than two years. Clearly, people were watching to see if I was drinking or if I looked a bit peaky. This time, well, almost no one knew it was coming. We already had two kids, a boy and a girl. People occasionally asked if we were thinking about more, but not with the intensity that they would if we only had one child. And the response was always the same – probably not. (More on how that changed in another post, I promise.)
I felt the strangest sense of… I don’t know… embarrassment? guilt? apology? when I told people. It was like, I wanted to tell good friends so they wouldn’t be caught off guard when they suddenly saw an enormous belly or a picture of a newborn on Facebook. But I felt weirdly compelled to downplay the announcement, wanting to be clear that I was happy but not trying to make a Big Honking Deal about the whole thing.
But, of course, it IS a big deal. It’s a new person! It’s exciting! It’s cause for celebration! I know I give a good shriek and a hearty “hooray” whenever a friend tells me they’re pregnant, why would I expect any different? And, as you guys demonstrated yesterday, the vast majority of reactions were excited and happy and congratulatory, and I thank everyone for that. But before I had you all to rally around me, I will say that I had a few initially lukewarm reactions that really gave me pause. “Was it planned?” “Are you happy about it?” “Oh, good for you.” I don’t know. Maybe it’s because, as in the case of my mom, she was so surprised that she was nearly speechless and hardly knew what to say. But anyways, a couple of the first calls were a little underwhelming.
For those who asked, we have not yet told the kids, but plan on doing so soon. M and I have agreed not to make a big production out of it. We’ll simply sit down, say we have some exciting news about a baby growing in mommy’s belly, and more or less leave it at that until they ask questions. Especially since they’re about to start preschool and have plenty of other things going on in their lives, I don’t want to put any undue emphasis on this announcement, especially since the actual impact on their lives is so far away. It will become a Big Honking Deal in its own time, no need to set it up too big for now.
So, there we are. The cat is out of the bag, and the anticipation was worse (as usual) than reality. You guys are awesome, I’m psyched, and I’m glad I don’t have to make any more obscure excuses for going to bed at 8:30pm (or why my pants are being buttoned with a rubber band).
Congratulations, dear! I can’t wait for your thoughts on how twins are different from singletons, and how parenting is different the next time around, and … and … and!
Good for you.
We had a Big Talk this weekend, and decided that we’re both ready for the Snip Snip. We’re done at two.
Sadia recently posted..First impressions
Liz, so happy for you! I just read back to your 5 part series and it rings very true, it is such a hard decision to make and my mind literally changes like the wind every day. As the boys grow and become more independent, I struggle with having to “start over”, even though I know how much easier it would be with just one baby. Especially one that would likely be full term and sleep through the night much sooner! In any event, I can’t wait to hear about your journey, maybe it will help me make up my mind
That’s exactly how we approached it with the kids. Just sat down one day and told them matter of factly that there was a baby growing in my tummy. And they sort or shrugged it off and went about their business. I think as my stomach has grown, it has become more real to them and we have gotten some questions (they are very curious about how the baby gets OUT of my tummy).
As for the lukewarm reaction, I have had similar experiences. Really, I have gotten a lot of “Wow, three kids? You’re brave” or something along those lines. I was telling my friend the other day, you would think we were the Duggars or something. Geez.
Anyway, I think it is wonderful, super exciting news and I am happy that we are on the same path
Erin S. recently posted..School Days
I think it’s great that you’re having number 3. From the little I’ve been around you it certainly sounded like you wanted another. Maybe it’s because I went from 1 to 3, but I love having 3 kids. It’s quite crazy most days, but I wouldn’t change a thing! Oh, and even though we are done, people still ask me if we are having more. I think they’d be shocked if I actually said yes!
Amy recently posted..Making Friends
Sorry to hear that some people gave not-so-excited congratulations. Maybe because I have been in your shoes, I know exciting it is and therefore and equally as excited for you. Its too bad because I think every pregnancy and every baby should be that exciting – like you said, it’s a new person!
Hope you’re feeling well now that you’re in the second trimester.
Nicole recently posted..Life with 3 under 2
Holy shiz, Lady-
THIS ROCKS!
Congratulations
jungletwins recently posted..About Class
You? Are awesome. Congrats again, dear. It is a big deal. You are bringing a brand new person into the world. Your family will be a family of 5. I grew up in a family of five. I loved it. And sometime in the not too distant future I may be convinced to go down that road myself…take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and for pete’s sake, woman, ALLOW YOURSELF TO ENJOY YOUR PREGNANCY!!! love!
Kami recently posted..Who Is This Child and What Did You Do With Mine
I agree with Kami. This is a Big Deal! We are, sadly, staying with just one, but I clearly remember when my sister was pregnant for the second time, how happy she was because she knew what to expect and didn’t worry about every little thing. She truly sat back and enjoyed her pregnancy. I hope you can do the same
Congrats on your pregnancy! I was following your blog while working before I had my twins and now I am following it again. Now that I have a little bit of time to do blogging! I am from the Raleigh NC area and started my blog at the end of my pregnancy. I have a three year old toddler and my twin girls are 6 months old. I was scared to death when I found out we were having twins and my pregnancy was so emotional and overwhelming. Now that they are here, I love it and the twins and my son are my life, my husband too! Once again, congrats!
yay. i’m excited. we still can’t say if we want more yet or not….and we had to work so hard to get pregnant this time. not sure if i have it in me again (or my pocketbook!!). i’m excited to hear the differences between the pregnancies and then to hear if adding a 3rd (and a singleton at that) is a piece of cake after doing twins the first time
April recently posted..Boobs of Steel
First, congrats! Of course! And, although I didn’t have twins, I think announcing you’re pregnant when you “already” have two kids (especially a boy and a girl) definitely provokes a different kind of response. And, in my opinion, several iterations of close-to-rude questions. One of my (least) favorite: “You do know how this happens, right?” I hope you’re feeling well, and I look forward to adding you to our list of blogs by Moms of Three (or more)!
Jen @ Momalom recently posted..Summer’s End
Holy Smokes!!! Congratulations!!! I’m so happy for you. And very, very, strangely a little bit jealous. I’m sure the second time around with one will be a lot sweeter. Not that Daniel and Rebecca aren’t the sweetest things! But you know, maybe a little time to stop and actually cuddle the new one!
First off~congratulations! This is big news no matter how many children you have! I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, but have never commented. Felt compelled with this post. I had three children under the age of six when I had my twins~so a grand total of five under the age of six. The negative comments I received after my twins were born still annoy me to this day (they are three now). The comments have died down, but even today I had someone I just met say to me, after counting heads, “you’re done, right”. I felt like responding that it wasn’t her business, but I smiled sweetly and said yes. Not all mean to be negative, but I don’t think they realize how it sounds.
Focus on the positive comments and enjoy your pregnancy and, ultimately, your three children! More kids means more fun in your home! You are very blessed!
Congratulations!
Whole-hearted support in celebrating with you–because this IS a reason to celebrate! You said it perfectly: here is a new life.
I also understand your feeling when you get those lukewarm, sometimes judgmental statements.
With our 9 children it has become more frequent than uncommon that we get a thinly-veiled judgement. The most frequent thing we get is “do you know what causes that?” As if a physician and a nurse practitioner would not know. I have wrestled with the appropriate response to this, without being discourteous or harsh in reply. Lately, I have settled with “we sure do, and as you can see, we’re pretty good at it.”
Definitely take the time to celebrate this new chapter in your life with your family. Those who don’t celebrate with you are missing the opportunity.
Oh, I know what JUST what you’re saying about “downplaying”. I know I had a sense with Brett, for some reason, of not wanting to shout it too loudly. Like maybe would people would resent me for adding to my happiness? But that was dumb. We are all allowed all the happiness we can handle. So, go on girl and shout it from the rooftops. Another baby is the greatest gift! Enjoy it all
Cynthia recently posted..3-Year Old Well-Child Check