Tomorrow is the kids’ first day of preschool.
Well, sort of. It’s an intro day. Shorter than a normal morning, only new students (none of the older, returning kids), and there will be extra chairs on the perimeter of the room for the parents to stay. We’ve been asked to bring something to do, or at least look busy. To not participate, to stay in our seats and encourage our kids to explore the room and the people. We’re just there as a little bit of comfort in a new place.
I’m really looking forward to seeing them in their new classrooms. Or, in reality, seeing one of them in their new room. Two kids, two classrooms. It’s a good thing M can go in late tomorrow.
What I am also finding is that I need to fight the urge to pull the teacher aside and fill her in on each and every one of my child’s skills, quirks, and tricky spots.
“Rebecca has been second-guessing herself on the potty. If she says she needs to go, and then 5 seconds later claims to not need to go anymore, don’t believe her. She’s 45 seconds away from an accident.”
“Daniel has a really hard time focusing on what he needs to do. It will take him 30 minutes and 65 reminders to go get his shoes.”
“Rebecca is getting kind of sneaky in her bossiness. Keep an eye on her or she’ll ‘trade’ all of the other kids for their life’s possessions.”
“Daniel can get really enthusiastic. Good luck getting him to stop talking.”
Here’s the thing: these women have been teaching for a whole lot longer than I’ve been parenting. I don’t say that to discount my own knowledge of my kids. I simply mean that, whatever my kids’ strengths and weaknesses are, the teachers have seen it before. My children will not be the smartest, the sneakiest, the slowest, the sweetest, the clingiest, or the most anything that these women have encountered. They are individuals and they are wonderful, but they aren’t that unique.
When we went to the New Parents meeting last week, the staff was outlining the drop-off procedure, which is a car line at our school. We simply pull up, open the doors, and the teachers unbuckle the kids and escort them inside. I don’t even turn off the engine. One mom interrupted to say that, clearly, her daughter was not going to go for that. “I have a velcro child,” she says. “We’ve never done drop-off like that before, there’s no way she’s going to let anyone take her out of the car.” The teachers smiled and responded kindly, talking about projecting a positive attitude and telling her daughter what to expect. And said that, if it was really and truly that bad, she could pull over out of line.
All M and I could think was, “do you really think your child is that different?” Did she really think these teachers had never seen a clingy 3-year-old cry on the first day of school before? Yes, your child is unique and special. Just like everybody else.
I don’t judge her too harshly, though. Because clearly I harbor some of the same feelings. That intense knowledge of my children. The worry about the teacher getting to know the “real” Becca and the “real” Daniel, understanding where their quirks come from. Heck, just hoping nothing reflects too badly upon me as a parent!
But it’s time to step back a little bit. Let these teachers, whom I have no reason not to trust completely, get to know my kids on their own terms. Sure, they may miss out on some of the background info. But they also miss out on any of my baggage, which is just as well. Simply meet my kids and learn about them from scratch.
It’s good for all of us.
Great post and pics. I think you will love the Montessori method of teaching humility, grace, cooperation, and practical life skills. I think Ben benefited last year from his experience with a similar Montessori program.
I’m a pro at giving the dog and pony show to eager parents after a decade of teaching. I found that I had to trust that Ben was in good hands and back off to trust that they likely knew best about teaching a preschooler.
His teachers met Ben where he was emotionally and physically as a 3 YO and helped him grow into a more confident (now boastful) and secure 4 YO (and one that didn’t poop on himself anymore.)
Lots of good thoughts on this step towards maturity for Becca and Daniel.
The carpool line ROCKS by the way.
heather v recently posted..ChChCheck it out!
I SO wish our school had a carpool lane. Getting out of the car, walking them in and out each day sucks. Particularly when they were toddlers!
Thinking happy good thoughts for you today. And even when it goes well, it’s completely normal to cry afterwards
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Good luck tomorrow!
Our first day of daycare my girls were 21 months old. I gave their teachers their history back to how they were in utero! Oh dear.
Don’t be surprised if the teachers see completely different behavior than what you get at home. I’ve often warned them about this or that only to find that they are complete angels for daycare.
Erin K recently posted..Apple Orchard Adventure
Yes, it is good to take a step back and yes, it is good to trust these teachers (who are professionals!) to do their jobs. But, don’t belittle your feelings. This is one of those hard parts — one more step away from baby and toward big kid. My four year old grew like 7 inches this summer. I can’t even look at him without tearing up…be brave!
Kami recently posted..Then There’s That Whole Life Thing
Love the post! I second Erin in saying that the teachers may see totally different behavior from your kids than you do. Heck, my husband gets different behavior from them than I do (I sometimes wish I were him)!
Tara recently posted..Back to School & New Dos
Liz, this is probably one of the most well-written posts I’ve ever read! So raw and honest. Thanks!
Rachel @ Motherhood.Squared recently posted..Denim- A Wardrobe Workhorse and Giveaway!
It is so nice to hear someone speak like this! As a teacher and as a parent (who just brought her oldest to preschool for the first time on Monday), I have definitely seen parents’ tendency to think their child is THE (fill in superlative here). Heck, I’d be lying if I said I never felt that way about my boys…but the teacher in me gives the parent in me a reality check.
This is really a fabulous, honest, and very self-aware post. I look forward to reading more!
RealMommyChron recently posted..Can men treat any woman this way or only Ines Sainz
I think that a gift we’re given, those of us who have multiples the first time around, is an awareness of how many flavours children come in. In our attempts not to compare our children to each other, we learn how unique they are, but also how unique every other child is. They are no more unique in their uniqueness than we are.
In so many ways, I’m a better mother for having two at once rather than one. I really do think that the biggest way I’m a better person for having twins is the recognition of how many kinds of “normal”, or rather “perfectly great”, there are.
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