I’ve started running again.
Let’s be clear, I use the word “run” very, very generously. It’s kind of a bouncy limp, only marginally faster than actual walking, yet somehow a whole lot harder. But since that is kind of awkward to say, I’ll just say “run” and you can insert your own mental picture.
I was off and on with Couch to 5K for the summer and into the early fall, and ran in a race a few weeks ago. While I am proud that I did not walk (with a nasty head cold, no less), it was an absolutely pitiful finish. 41 minutes to travel three miles. 13-minute miles. A full minute-per-mile slower than the race I did a year and a half ago, and let’s not forget that, for that race, my right calf was so jacked up I could barely walk and ended up in months of physical therapy.
But I did it. Dammit, I did it. Every step of the way, I repeat my mantra: it does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop. If the internet is to be believed, that’s Confucius, but even if that’s a big fat lie, it’s still my mantra. It’s what I have to keep telling myself as I slowly bob along.
I’m trying not to get discouraged. I’m trying to let go of being frustrated at how damn hard it is for me to run a mile in less than 13 pathetic minutes. I’m trying not to be ashamed of that. I’m trying to just accept that fitness and weight management (ha!) is something I will ALWAYS have to work on. Sometimes I’ll be in a better groove than others, but it will never come easily or naturally. There won’t be a magic fix, I’m not going to finally hit on that one winning strategy that will stick forever and end my struggle. It will always be hard, it will always require attention and purpose. I will work hard to get good habits going, and then slowly or spectacularly, I will fall off the wagon and have to find my way back. That’s just how it goes for me.
So here I am, trying. Again.
After my friends and I huffed and puffed through that 5K, before my face had even come down from its beet-red state, we decided to sign up for another race together. Five miles, Thanksgiving morning. Two miles farther than the three that just felt like it might kill me.
It seems a little insane by my standards, but here I am, on week three of an 8K training program. I have learned there are a few good strategies to try to keep myself on track: a deadline (no changing the date of the race that I’ve already registered and paid for!), a clear plan (this program has something scheduled six out of seven days), and peer pressure/public commitment (I’ve told everyone I’m doing this race, and have recruited others to sign up, too). The only thing missing is making an actual bet with someone for a substantial amount of cash. Laugh if you want, but my intrinsic motivation is pretty low at the moment. I need something external to kick my ass out onto the pavement.
It hasn’t become a good routine yet, something I can do on auto-pilot. Every day, I’m grasping at how and when to get the workout done, between preschool and naps and doctor’s appointments. But as much as I possibly can, I’m getting it done. I don’t want to collapse on Thanksgiving morning, after all.
I’ve even gotten the big kids involved. They love the idea of running a race, like Mommy. Which pretty much makes all of the sore muscles and over-exertion headaches worth it. Because really, me? Being the example for physical fitness? Wow. Sure, they ask if I am going to win the race. I try not to laugh as I assure them that I am definitely not going to win, just that I am running for (ahem) fun and to be (ahem) strong and healthy. So, on Thanksgiving, they’ll suit up with me, pin a bib to their bellies, and run that 100-yard dash for the four-year-olds. And I will be so proud of them.
And, hopefully, I’ll be proud of me, too.
It won’t be fast. It won’t be pretty. But dammit, I am going to finish that race.
You are so so so awesome! I wish we lived in the same neighborhood and I could run with you (right now, I average 13 minute miles. The fastest I’ve ever run is just under 12 minute miles when I did a 5k after major training). I’ve just figured out that I run slow, but I’m still getting a great workout
I’m so proud of you! I am afraid to try a 5 miler—but, you are right, if you slow down, you really can go farther and farther. You really are amazing!
Fairly Odd Mother recently posted..Why I’ll be wearing black every day from now on. . .
You should already be proud! Running is hard. Staying committed to it is even harder. Throw 3 small kids into the mix and I say you have PLENTY to be proud of. I hear ya on the goal/deadline, but sometimes you really do have to take it one day – or mile – at a time.
We’re going to KILL IT on Thanksgiving!
The way I look at it, walking is better that sitting on the sofa. Running is better than walking. Even if it is slow and ugly. I’ve mastered slow and ugly, and I’m proud. And you should be too.
Joanna recently posted..Randomness
Good for you! I also signed up for an 8K on Thanksgiving. I guess organizers think we could use those extra 2 miles prior to eating Thanksgiving dinner? Last year my Weight Watchers leader had us “build” our plate(s) of food for Thanksgiving and total up the points. Mine was around 50 I think but that included lots of wine
I also think 13 minute miles are perfectly acceptable…perhaps because I am not close to 12 minute miles yet myself. I am running 2-3 times a week (approximately 3.5 miles at a time) and could never do it 6 times a week. So you go!
Stacey recently posted..Recommitted to running
Ouch. Give yourself some serious credit. Your life has enough static and you are making time you don’t have to do this for yourself, your health, your role-model nature of motherhood. I’m in the same boat as far as speed, but at the end of any exercise I’m glad I invested the time.
With every run, it’s one more than someone else who chose an excuse is doing.
HeatherV recently posted..Calling All Cars
You inspire me to do better, but I haven’t been able to actually make any sort of exercise a habit. Some day, I’ll run that 5K that I dream of, but until then, I’ll look to people like you to inspire me to do better!
Amy recently posted..Sleep
Keep on keepin’ on. You’re doing just what you need to do. Don’t feel the pressure to be fast, or at least don’t let it get to you. I had a pretty serious knee injury my senior year of high school. I was captain of the varsity track team, but couldn’t even run fast enough to qualify for the JV races anymore. Ah well, you know what? I had a ton of fun that year. And while I didn’t know it then, that was pretty much it for running for me–that injury turned out to be permanent, non-correctable, and recurring every time I try to run. So I’m glad I didn’t give up and sit out that year even though it was embarrassing at times, and that I kept at it even when I was slow. I miss running. I hope you find the joy in it, even if you’re always at the back of the pack!
WhatACard recently posted..Another Awesome Kids’ Book
Ditto everything Kara said. You rule. I am a slow runner too and I am fine with that! What matters is that I am out there.
LauraC recently posted..A game for you!
The fact that you are doing this, no matter the speed, makes you amazing! If you decide that putting some $ down would help with further motivation, you should check out http://www.stickk.com. I have heard great things about it…
It doesn’t matter how slow you go, you still beat all those people still on the couch!
Great job!
This is an inspiring post! I’m impressed you are finding the time, especially with three young children, one with special needs. I’m hoping to get back on the running bandwagon after this baby is born.
Slow and steady. You have stuck with it, that is what is important. Good for you!
Go you!!! You’re doing great! Definitely be proud of yourself and stop beating yourself up so much – my norm is a 12 and a half minute mile. I too wish we lived closer together – we could be running partners and motivational coaches (did I mention my last run was the race… um, yeah, I have to get myself back on track).
It is really great that you have started running and feeling good that you are moving towards fitness. Yes, it is important to keep moving. I started with walking 10 minutes a day and now I walk for 30 minutes a day(though on and off but regular)
I need to get back to running again at a minimum. I just feel blah and done at the end of the days and so choose to lay around or just walk the dogs instead of running. I’d do better playing soccer, but I’ve torn a couple ligaments that way and my husband really doesn’t want me to again.
Wiley recently posted..Nebulize the blues away…
It’s definitely not about how fast you go, but that you’re out there doing it. If running is something you enjoy, then just enjoy it and don’t worry about the time it takes or the numbers of miles.
All that said, I’ve learn in the last year or so, that running just really isn’t something I enjoy, and that switching to other forms of exercise has made all the difference for me. I managed to achieve the 500 miles in 2010, but I’m not even close to being on track for 500 miles this year. However, I this year, I have found several classes at the gym that I love and attend religiously (and am disappointed when I have to miss), and that has made all the difference in the world. I’ve lost more weight in first 10 months of 2011 than I did in all of 2010. And I’m happy to go out an exercise.
I wanted to be a runner. I really, really did. But I’ve realized that there are other options that suit me better. When it comes to exercise, people always say “do something you love”. I never thought I’d find something I loved, but I did. And now it doesn’t feel so much like work.
Good luck with your training and your upcoming race. I’m sure with your commitment and determination, you’ll do just fine.
reanbean recently posted..Backtracking- Glueing Project