I got a call from Rebecca’s teacher yesterday. There was a “situation” that she wanted my help with. I didn’t imagine it could be too serious, since she hadn’t said anything when I saw her at pick-up, nor was there any kind of “incident report” on a random playground injury. Still, I was surprised. Rebecca is such a goody-two-shoes in school.
At circle time, the class was talking about different holidays, and how different families celebrate different things, etc. OK, fine, sounds good. Well, just as they were about to dismiss and go out to play, my girl decides to announce that “Santa doesn’t really bring presents, it’s really other people.”
That’s right. My four-year-old decided to tell all of her classmates that Santa is bullshit.
So, obviously, there’s no Santa in our house, what with trying to raise Jewish kids and all. Honestly, though Santa was something I had as a kid, I find that I’m actually quite relieved NOT to be including the man in red in our holiday celebrations. No waiting in line for hours to try to convince screamy kids to sit in a stranger’s lap, no coming up with a good story for what Santa is all about, no fallout when they get older and realize it was us all along. That said, I certainly have no beef with other families’ Santa traditions, nor do I have any desire to ruin the magic for any kid.
It’s not like my kids don’t know who Santa is. He’s freaking everywhere. They have no trouble recognizing him (much like Dora and Spongebob and other things I try to keep out of my house… you can’t avoid them). But they’ve pretty much come to see him as a character in a story, like any other. And M, well, M is a compulsive truth-teller and detail-explainer when it comes to the kids. He apparently had a talk with Rebecca the other day about exactly how and why Santa is a big, fat myth. Which, fine, I don’t mind that for my own kids in the slightest. But anyone with preschoolers knows that they have ZERO filter, and really love to trot out their newest tidbits of knowledge. Hence, the Santa truth bomb at circle time.
Ultimately, M and I each talked to the kids last night about it in an attempt to not completely ruin Christmas for all of their classmates. I talked to the chief truth-teller myself, and explained to Rebecca that different people believe different things. And that even though we know Santa is pretend, it would be nice to let her friends still believe otherwise if they want to. She mostly gave me an “OK, whatevs,” and we started talking about fairies and princesses. Daniel took in his own conversation with M, to which his immediate response was, “but WHY would their moms and dads not tell them the TRUTH?”
M is, frankly, quite proud of that one. I’m just smiling and shaking my head.
Ultimately, I think the preschool crowd has some pretty staunch Santa-believers, so I don’t think my kids’ occasional proclamations will be the death-knell for anyone’s holiday traditions this year. I’ve explained it to the degree that I wish to, I have tried to gently suggest that we not ruin the magic for their friends, and that’s as far as I’ll go.
For the record, I think that’s all the teacher was asking – she just wanted to avoid a full-scale Christmas meltdown in a class full of 3-to-5-year-olds. I sort of wish she had handled this herself, but I’m not especially bothered by it.
What do you think? How do you handle belief or disbelief in Santa at your house?
My boss is Jewish and he told both of his kids over and over that even though they know Santa isn’t real, they can’t tell their classmates that. Apparently this is an issue everyone runs into!
Right now, my girls believe in Santa full force and it makes this whole season very magical for them. I’m okay with that and figure we have close to five years before they figure out anything different.
Erin K recently posted..Christmas Magic
Here’s why I lie to my kids and tell them there is a Santa:
Because children need some motherfucking magic in their lives. And it is truly an amazing experience to look forward to this fat man in a red suit bringing you EXACTLY what you always wanted, wrapped in paper with a shiny bow.
I gotta say, this is my least favorite parenting debate of our generation. Our parents didn’t DEBATE whether or not Santa was real. Santa just came to your house with an assload of presents and everyone was fucking happy about it.
LauraC recently posted..Day 10
Saucy today, Laura
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perfect. i totally agree. even after it was clear that i no longer believed in santa my mom to this day keeps up the illusion. “you better email santa your list this year!” and signs presents from him. it’s much more fun to keep the magic alive.
I totally agree! I hope my boys believe until they’re 12 even though I strongly suspect my younger one will spoil it for his brother eventually. Parents tell all kinds of stories to their kids. Why is this one so upsetting to people?
As for Jewish kids and other kids who don’t celebrate Christmas, well, of course they may not be into the whole Santa thing. I think it’s really important for kids to be respectful of other kids’ beliefs. As a teacher of NINE YEAR OLDS this comes up every single year. I usually handle it with the kid, but have also encouraged parents to talk with their kids as well.
I’d be equally upset with my atheist kid coming to school and telling his friends that god is made up.
I’m with you, Laura. I grew up with Santa, and it was magical. There are only a handful of Christmases where kids are little and believe so why not make the most of it. Same reason I didn’t want to reuse last year’s halloween costumes, even though they fit. How many halloweens do they really get before they’re too old or its not cool?
Live it up, I say!
Jen W. recently posted..365: Day 340
The lying aspect of it does bother me.
THe rationalization I give myself in my head is that it’s a spirit of giving and an attitude that is being conveyed.
I think if ever asked, I will have to tell the boys the truth. But I do fear other parents.
Wiley recently posted..Donkey Terrors
Sigh, I’ve given up on fighting SpongeBob and Dora – MIL introduced L to it and once the train got started, there was no stopping it. I’m now learning to embrace them in the form of stocking stuffers!
Eh, I haven’t decided how we’re going to handle Santa in our house yet – I think it’s fun and it’s what I grew up with so I may just go with it, but we’re also going to celebrate the feast of St. Nick, a religious celebration I also grew up with, which is today actually and comes with a pretty good message. Just doing what I can to keep Christmas from becoming a mere celebration of materialism!
For us, Christmas is a very, very religious holiday. We try to keep Santa and all of his “stuff” out of our conversations and home. Last year we told F and J about Saint Nicholas and how he was a real person who gave out gifts to be kind, and that some people like to pretend like St. Nick is still alive and that is Santa.
I’ll never forget the time a lady in line with us at Target asked F and J if they were going to get lots of presents for being good, or were they naughty? And F answered simply “We aren’t a Santa family.”
If looks could kill, I would have been toast right then and there! At least you can say you are Jewish. Seems like the majority of Christians today celebrate via Santa.
Also, I love Rebecca’s spunk, and M’s truthfulness. I tend to be an over-explainer myself, and got caught in a crafty web of F and J’s making and had to try to explain the holocaust to them the other night. My oh my do these kids keep us on our toes!
We don’t do Santa either, and I’m worried about Elijah spilling the beans too! It’s not too much of a problem since he is homeschooled. But we’re going to a friend’s birthday party this weekend (a Polar Express theme, no less!) so I’ve already had to have this talk with him.
We aren’t religious and prefer to focus on the season of giving and sharing. We do Santa, but not hardcore. Santas at the mall are not the Santa, they are Santa’s helpers. My 5 year has started asking questions that lead me to believe he is putting things together on his own and has asked if Santa is real. My response is a question, “Is believing in Santa fun?” His response is “Yes!” I think it’s more fun to pretend when you’re in on the fun, when you know you’re pretending. I try to answer any question honestly, but I also try not to over answer. I give simple answers and don’t volunteer information. This has served me well on questions about Santa, death and where babies come from.
When my sisters and I were kids, we always knew these things were not true. The Santa thing is not so strong here, or at least it wasn’t when I was little, but I remember the fairy stories we read and even though we knew that in reality they were not true (ouch!), we loved pretending and had lots of fun inventing fairy stories and saying we had our own fairies and all. I think until the 7-8 year-old barrier, imagination is stronger than “truth” and there are so many things we do not fully understand that the world is magic per se. I was a strong reader since 4, and imagined myself in the books I loved most, so in no way can I say my childhood was devoid of magic.
We talk a bit about Santa here, but we also mention that we buy presents, so they must be a bit confused, hahaha! I think they now believe we buy the presents and Santa brings them or sth like that. They are used to the “magic” of my buying things on the computer that only later come to our door in a box, or brought by someone from abroad.
They do not go to preeschool yet, so I don’t know how it would roll, but I’m pretty sure it is more common here for kids to “know” and teachers must be used to handling the situation.
What I’ve seen happening some times and find awful is *a teacher* ruining the story and telling kids it’s all fake! Un-fucking-believable.
For us, the holiday is multi-faceted. We are Christian and therefore celebrate and teach and kids as such. That is where our lessons on giving to others etc come from this time of year. Completely apart from that is the whole Santa thing. To us, Santa has nothing to do with our religion. It is pure magic for the kids. It is similar to going to Disney and watching them look in awe at Cinderella’s castle and meet the characters. There is such a short time in life for them to let their imaginations run wild. The real world is waiting for them soon enough.
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We didn’t believe in Santa as kids–my mom explained it to us very early, same with the Easter Bunny. And I was absolutely not allowed to participate in Halloween stuff as a kid–not even Halloween themed assignments in school. Some how though, Christmas and Easter were both still very magical holidays. Yeah, we knew the presents were from Mom and Dad, but we were getting PRESENTS!!!!
I’m still at an impasse for what I want to do with my kids as far as Santa goes–I didn’t believe but still had fun, and my step sisters, who did believe, were very upset when they found out the truth. I guess I just don’t want to be responsible for that let down.
Do you feel the same about the tooth fairy?
I don’t. I have no problem with fantasy and magic and make-believe. It’s just that Santa doesn’t have a place in our house or our holiday, so we didn’t build it up as a belief, because it seemed both unnecessary and inappropriate in our family. It’s a symbol/belief for a holiday that we don’t celebrate, but it comes up as a major issue because it’s something that the majority of my kids’ peers and classmates DO celebrate and believe.
Tooth fairy? Sure. I’m already thinking about sewing up a little pillow with a pocket to hang on the door or something. (Because I don’t think I can be sneaky enough to pull off the under-the-pillow business.)
Oh, so late to the game on this one. But, why not? Santa is fun, but he’s also a very useful tool in teaching critical thinking. While Michale is excited about the magic and presents, I’m excited by every little step he takes towards figuring it out.