This is where you belong

One year ago, today, Ellie came home.

It feels like yesterday, it feels like forever ago. I remember it entirely too well, and yet I look back on that time with disbelief, wondering how on earth I did it. When she was in the hospital, I swore I’d throw a big party when she came home. That party never happened. There was so much stress, so much uncertainty when she came home. Obviously we were glad, but we still didn’t feel much like celebrating.

Even now, if I start thinking too much about last year, I burst into tears. One of her doctors has recommended that she do a sleep study (she sounds like Darth Vader when she sleeps), and the idea of staying overnight almost sends me into a panic attack. I haven’t returned that phone call yet.

Because, dammit, she is home. She is home where she belongs. And even if it’s not entirely rational, I am still terrified of going to the hospital and someone telling me that she can’t come home.

I didn’t mean for this to be a sad post. For any and all of the additional challenges she can present, Ellie is seriously the most delightful baby on earth. Happy, funny, sweet, easygoing, flexible. My sweetest pea, my munchiest munchkin. I am so glad she is home. Where she belongs.