There are big stretches of time, it seems, when I have no idea what day it is, whether I’m coming or going, or practically where I am.
M was off work from the 4th of July until today. As lovely as it is to have him home, have extra hands and eyes, and everything else – it means we’ve been in a perpetual state of “what day is it” since then.
Ellie has been sick for most of that time. Not sure what – a nasty cold with a touch of ear or sinus infection? Regardless, she’s been a snotty, coughing, cranky mess for almost a week.
The big kids have been varying degrees of delightful and obnoxious, which is just how it goes.
I would have been totally ready for today to be Monday, to get back to our normal “routine” (whatever that means, right now). Except that, tomorrow morning, the kids and I are getting on a plane and heading to Chicago for a week. Which means that I’m running around like a crazy person doing last-minute errands, loads of laundry, and generally trying not to freak out.
It’s not that oh-woe-is-me my life is so bad right now. It’s not. It’s just tiring and chaotic and feeling a little directionless. Just chugging along with the necessities and the errands, and trying to remember to do something fun every now and then.
Sometimes I beat myself up about not doing enough “special” things. I get stuff done, sure. But I feel like I don’t do a good enough job making special memories and marking occasions. Case in point, the 4th of July. We really didn’t end up doing anything, except letting the big kids stay up late to watch the Boston Pops on TV.
I felt terrible about it, wished we had done something fun. But then again, we had gone to a carnival several days earlier, so I get points for that, right? On the 4th, it was hot as balls outside, and threatening thunderstorms. Ellie was sick and cranky and does not tolerate crowds and noise and late bedtimes well. As much as I wanted to do something special, I hadn’t planned anything ahead of time, and we still aren’t involved in our community well enough to have any idea what might be going on.
Alas. Maybe next year?
Ugh. Do NOT beat yourself up. Life is not about perfect moms making every occasion a celebration. It’s all about just doing the best you can and keep moving forward. I remember a really funny cartoon I saw once about a mom feeling guilty for not getting out the St. Patrick’s Day decorations.
Down the road, the kids will remember that the 4th of July was cool when they got to stay up to watch the Boston Pops. Mark my words. I still marvel at the stuff my kids remember. It’s not about big stuff, it’s just about being together and being content.
Have a great trip. You’re a great mom.
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Why is it that we spend so much time obsessing about making “special” memories? I try to think back to when I was a kid and I have, like, FOUR memories of anything incredibly out of the ordinary. Most of my greatest memories are set in my backyard, or my basement, or our attic (lots, and lots in the attic for some reason!).
For what it’s worth: I think the little campout you had at home watching the Pops on TV looked WAY more fun than our actual family excursion to the fireworks where one kid fell asleep, one kept walking away (in the dark), one liked the popcorn WAY more than the fireworks and one was just annoyed at all the others for not paying enough attention. Next year, we’re copying your idea
Ha! Totally agree with all the previous posters-although I also stress about creating memories. But it’s true that most of my best childhood memories are not at all from events that mom and dad tried to make special. You’re doing great!
By the way, I’m STILL barely managing with my 4 1/2 yr old super active boys, so give yourself LOTS of credit for being a super mom to Daniel, Rebecca AND Ellie.
I felt the same way you did. We did not do anything special for the 4th (or many of the other holidays this year.) The weather here was very hot also…and we have a baby (a few months younger than yours). It’s just not practical when they are that young. Lately I have felt like I am not on top of things the way I used to be. I keep trying to remind myself that I felt this way when my other children were younger (they are currently 7, 5 & 5) and it got better/easier, so it will again.
I grew up in Boston and although we spent the afternoon at my grandparent’s, my favorite part of that holiday, bar none, was staying up and watching the Pops on television with my parents and brother.
I’m almost 30 and I still get nostalgic for those warm 4th nights, watching and listening to the music while we could hear the pops and booms of neighborhood fireworks.
I actually spent this past 4th on a friend’s roof in brooklyn, watching the fireworks over manhattan. Pretty patriotic right? And yet, my mind still went to my parent’s living room with the bay doors open and the pops on tv.
TL;DR… even when you think you are doing somethin ordinary, you’re making the memories that your kids will carry with them always.
The summer after Jo was born and the summer after that one were of a necessity more about routine and less about memory making. This year with Ned and Penny almost four and Jo just turned 2 it is easier to create those memories – although she won’t remember things for at least another year. Regarding fireworks I was against (seemed like a lot of work), but Husband was fired up to go see them so we went. The memory I have? Running there because they started 30 mins early and running back to the car in the pouring rain because of thunderstorms. Different topic – if you don’t take a picture is it really a memory? I have been taking so many fewer pictures and I feel like it means I am “missing memories” by not recording them for prosperity.
I am still sort of hoping that aspects of these years will predate real memory – or that my ‘occasional’ (ha) moments of short tempered-ness fade into the background of a generally happy house. I was recently gently but pointedly reminded that ‘this (raising our kids) is meant to be fun’ – not always easy to hang on to amidst the general chaos. Anyway, hope Ellie is feeling better, that the trip to Chicago is smooth (brave you!) and possibly even fun, and that you take it easy on yourself. From across the distance of internet, you seem like a totally with it and impressive mum – as always.