There are big stretches of time, it seems, when I have no idea what day it is, whether I’m coming or going, or practically where I am.
M was off work from the 4th of July until today. As lovely as it is to have him home, have extra hands and eyes, and everything else – it means we’ve been in a perpetual state of “what day is it” since then.
Ellie has been sick for most of that time. Not sure what – a nasty cold with a touch of ear or sinus infection? Regardless, she’s been a snotty, coughing, cranky mess for almost a week.
The big kids have been varying degrees of delightful and obnoxious, which is just how it goes.
I would have been totally ready for today to be Monday, to get back to our normal “routine” (whatever that means, right now). Except that, tomorrow morning, the kids and I are getting on a plane and heading to Chicago for a week. Which means that I’m running around like a crazy person doing last-minute errands, loads of laundry, and generally trying not to freak out.
It’s not that oh-woe-is-me my life is so bad right now. It’s not. It’s just tiring and chaotic and feeling a little directionless. Just chugging along with the necessities and the errands, and trying to remember to do something fun every now and then.
Sometimes I beat myself up about not doing enough “special” things. I get stuff done, sure. But I feel like I don’t do a good enough job making special memories and marking occasions. Case in point, the 4th of July. We really didn’t end up doing anything, except letting the big kids stay up late to watch the Boston Pops on TV.
I felt terrible about it, wished we had done something fun. But then again, we had gone to a carnival several days earlier, so I get points for that, right? On the 4th, it was hot as balls outside, and threatening thunderstorms. Ellie was sick and cranky and does not tolerate crowds and noise and late bedtimes well. As much as I wanted to do something special, I hadn’t planned anything ahead of time, and we still aren’t involved in our community well enough to have any idea what might be going on.
Alas. Maybe next year?