For the first time in my 34 years, I did not spend Christmas with my parents in Chicago.
While we are trying to raise a Jewish family, we still kept up the Christmas visit with my parents for the last number of years. It’s an awfully secular celebration in my family, anyways, so it didn’t feel like much of a conflict of interests. Or, at least, I really didn’t want it to feel like one.
Last year, though, it felt like it was. Mixed messages, fuzzy details with the kids. Everyone celebrates holidays and defines their identities in their own way, but all of a sudden, this really wasn’t working for us. Maybe it was the age, maybe it was not communicating effectively with my family. But regardless, it wasn’t working. And between the weird conflict over Santa Claus, and the complete chaos and messy family dynamics of large, divorced families at the holidays, I was sobbing last Christmas Eve with the realization that we needed to take a break.
I knew that it was the right decision to take a year off, but it still took me nine months to tell my parents we weren’t coming. What can I say? It’s complicated, and I was chicken-shit. Thankfully, everyone handled it well, and it did not seem to create the additional drama I had feared.
Still, it was bittersweet and a little melancholy to be in our quiet house, with no sign of Christmas or any of my dozens of relatives. It was the right decision, but that doesn’t mean it was without a touch of sadness. (That said, I did very much enjoy my first Christmas Day movie.)
Without the travel, we’ve also spent a little too much unstructured free time together at this point. Today was an extremely welcome change of scenery, with a day trip to Maine to play with our beloved Maria and family. Take bunch of friendly, outgoing kids and a couple of laid-back moms, add about eight inches of snow and a few pans of fresh cinnamon rolls, and you have an almost-redeemed winter vacation.
I am not going to win any awards for “making the most of our time together” this vacation. Not much to write home about, as they say. Personally, I’m glad to have my first non-Christmas quietly behind me. It was one of those shifts in the family dynamic that needed to happen, and I think we’ve all survived. It’s hardly a life-long boycott – we’ll probably go back again next year. But I’m glad we took the break.
Beautiful pictures in the snow! SO fun that you all got together!
Curious – what movie did you see on Christmas Day?
[...] together a Hannukah party for the 15th, and my kids’ last day of school was the 18th. Plus, I didn’t travel to Chicago for the first time, which meant I had to mail all of the gifts ahead of time – no frantic Christmas Eve [...]
First Christmas not with your family…. a pretty big emotional milestone, even if it’s the right thing to do. I clearly remember my first Thanksgiving out in California with a different family. They made the turkey in the ground and had guacamole on Thanksgiving and I had to have a little time to feel sad that a tradition was over. Obviously over time we developed our own traditions but we did need some time to say goodbye to say something that meant a lot to us.
We’ve been lazy and unproductive this break and I’m not enjoying it as much as I’d like but this is what Jon needs to do so I’m going with it.
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We are Christian and I still feel like I need a break last year- the chaos and competition. I think next year a quite Esq. only Christmas the weekend before Christmas. I’d do it Christmas Eve but I always have to work.
I’m also with you on too much “unstructured” time. I can’t seem to get all kids engaged in same activity. Snow was a welcome relief – an hour of sledding by our house and too much TV post-naps sorted the day out well.
I’d be curious to hear what you do to help your kids deal with the whole “Crazy for Christmas” phenomenon. Although my kids sang one Hannukah song at their concert I was a bit amazed how focused even the school is on Christmas. I figure they should just get that at home.
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