I like giving advice.

I know, you’re all falling down with shock.  It’s a startling revelation.  I’ll give you a moment to recover and climb back onto your chair. … … …

I’ve long been this way.  I love to give advice.  And it’s not about being a know-it-all, or at least I’d like to think it isn’t.  It’s more about wanting to share the things I’ve already learned, maybe to have other people benefit from my experience.  In a sense, it’s sort of my small way of feeling like I get a do-over, since there are no real do-overs in life.

The downside, if you want to call it that, is that I think I’m coming off as more knowledgeable than I really am.  That I’m somehow giving off the impression that I’m better at this stuff than someone else.  And while it’s sweet to get compliments about being a good mom and having my act together and “doing it all”… I have a secret for you:

I don’t have my shit together any more than most people.  I’m not a super-mom, or at least no more than any of the other moms I know. I might do some things “better” than some people, but lots of people do lots of things better than I do, too.

I could go into the many ways in which this is true, from the cluttered mess that is my house to the times when I get angry and frustrated and yell at my kids (totally unproductive, of course, but I think we’ve all done it).  Not to mention the times when I turn on Sprout in the hopes of a moment’s peace.

I’m not trying to say I’m a bad mom.  I think I’m doing the best I can, just like everyone else, and I think that most of the time I do a reasonably good job.  But the fact that I’m vocal about suggesting this thing or that thing (apparently my responses to my twin club listserv questions have earned their own bookmarked folder in at least one person’s inbox!) does not make me some uber-expert.

Nearly all of the stuff I spout off about are things I learned elsewhere, and not original thoughts because I’m some parenting prodigy.  I talk to moms whose kids are older than mine.  I see what worked for them and what didn’t.  I read lots of blogs.  I read a few good books.  I mash it all together, just like everyone else does.  But, I suppose, when I figure out something that seems to work, I start to feel really strongly about it. And then, well, I have a big mouth and feel compelled to tell everyone.  I’m also the kind of person who likes to go into a situation with a plan, even if the plan doesn’t go as I would have hoped.  So all of that, plus the filter of blogging and you only seeing what I choose to write about, sometimes creates an illusion of me having it more together than I really do.

While I wouldn’t go so far as to say I have many regrets, there are times when I wish I had the chance to go back and do things over with the benefit of hindsight.  Not that I’d necessarily change the outcome or anything – more that I’d love to be able to get to the outcome faster, more confidently, with less trial and error.  Of course, I know that I’d then miss out on the lessons learned by the errors, but you know what I mean.  And, since there’s probably a better-than-even chance that I won’t have more kids, I don’t ever get to parent the ages that have already passed with the benefit of what I know having gone through them.

And, so, I do my best to pass along what I’ve learned to those who are weeks or months or years behind me in this process.  And I hope that bits and pieces resonate and make the bumpy path a little easier.

Or, you know, maybe not.

You know what they say about free advice…