For as much as I always appreciate having extra hands around to help with the twins, I find having other people take care of them to be extra work in itself. This is the downside to being their primary caregiver. Having spent nearly 24/7 with them for the last four months, I think it’s fair to say I’ve figured out a few things. I know Rebecca’s “no thank you” or, alternately, “do not top off the baby” face. I know that ignoring this face and attempting to feed her more will result only in copious amounts of spitup. I know the cry Daniel makes when he’s not going to escalate, but is just fussing himself down for a nap. I know what things are almost guaranteed to piss them off, and I know what things most often work to calm them down.
Unfortunately, when kind friends and family come over to help, I have no means for automatically transferring the sum total of knowledge I’ve gained over the last four months. So I feel as though I’m left with two options. One is to offer “useful” little tidbits about every three seconds. Actually, that sound means Rebecca is about to throw up on you. Actually, putting them on their tummies when they’re already unhappy is an extremely poor choice. Actually, that cry just means he’s tired. Actually… WTF?! I just told you he was tired! Why the hell are you then going over and talking to him? Why are you unswaddling him?? AAAAHHH! Just give them to me, I’ll take care of it.
I hate being this person. I hate being the know-it-all. I hate correcting people and making them feel like they’re doing a bad job. It’s not their fault they don’t know Daniel’s tired cry, or the fact that the best way to get him to sleep is to not make eye contact, much less go over and ask him what’s wrong. (Honestly! You think going over and engaging an overtired baby is somehow going to help??)
The alternative, unfortunately, means I feel like I just have to bite my tongue and watch idly as very nice people accidentally make my kids hysterical. I occasionally try to quietly offer a suggestion as nicely as I can, but I pretty much either stress out watching my kids not get soothed, or feel like an ass for giving perfectly capable people so many directions.
Obviously, my kids aren’t fussing or even remotely upset just because someone else is playing with them. They love new songs, new faces, and nice people who give them their undivided attention. But it’s when I know they’re getting tired, hungry, bored, or just plain hate being held that way, and the very kind folks holding them are unaware of what’s required in that situation… it’s tricky territory.
I feel like this will get easier as they get older. At the moment, it feels like a somewhat delicate balance I’ve got going, especially where sleep is concerned. They need it, but they don’t go down super easily. You have to do it Just So.
In the meantime, I will attempt to find that fine line to walk between making sure my kids are happy, and not stepping on the toes of visitors.
