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Pregnancy, take three

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (0)· December 27th, 2006

Not surprisingly, it’s official.

Took the test as soon as I got home from the airport this evening. I thought I might wait until morning, but that wasn’t happening. It turned positive before it even got to the control. So, no questions there! In the morning, I’ll call the doctor. I’m almost positive she’ll send me for a blood test, but the question is whether or not I’ll get an early ultrasound like last time. If not, my 10 week appointment will likely be at the end of January. Cross your fingers that I make it that far this time…

I’m terrified, of course. But what scares me the most is that I’m starting to get excited. It’s happening rather in spite of myself. I’m both excited and majorly ambivalent. I don’t want to get excited, because I don’t want to be disappointed.

When I came down from the bathroom and told my husband that it was (not surprisingly) positive, I said “here we go again.” He asked if I was ready to do this all again. Not only is it a little late for that, but I don’t know that I can be any more ready. Which is not to say that I feel supremely prepared, but rather that I don’t think I can actually be all that prepared.

So, here we go again.

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Categories : Pregnancy

Tags : pregnancy after miscarriage, pregnancy test

I don’t really want to know

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (0)· December 24th, 2006

I’m pregnant. Again. I’m sure of it.

Alright, I haven’t taken a test yet. But I know it.

To recap, I lost my last pregnancy in early October at about 8 1/2 weeks. It was very sad and frustrating, but it’s over. Six weeks later, November 17, my period returned and I got the all clear from my doctor. Had some blood tests done and a sonohistogram to check for fibroids or polyps, and all came back fine.

That was more than five weeks ago.

And now here I am. Sore boobs, exhausted, breaking out… and no period. This feels more than a little familiar. With each day, I’m increasingly certain that I’m pregnant again. After all, I’ve never been irregular as far as my cycle is concerned. If it’s a normal one, it’s four weeks almost precisely. If there’s something unusual (chemical pregnancy, miscarriage, going off of the pill for the first time), it’s almost exactly six weeks. Nothing unusual this time, though. So I’m pretty darn sure.

So, why haven’t I tested? Because I don’t really want to know. I’m feeling like, if this is going to go badly *again*, then I would rather just not have known in the first place. Yes, at this point, it’s total denial. But there’s something not insignificant about having no confirmation.

I’m going to test when we get home. I decided before my period was late, because I wanted to wait as long as I could to test, but I also needed to have a “deadline” in my head. I somehow didn’t want to have the knowledge of my pregnant state while home for the holidays. I mean, I pretty much know, and I avoided the alcohol and took my vitamins and all of that good stuff. But I think I also didn’t want to “know” and therefore be avoiding telling my family. Alas.

So, I’ll test when we get home on Tuesday or Wednesday. I’m sure I know the answer, but for the moment, I’ll wait for the official confirmation. Then I’m sure there will be a blood draw (my favorite), and we’ll see if my OB schedules an early ultrasound… I’ll keep you posted.

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Categories : Holidays, Pregnancy

Tags : pregnancy after miscarriage, pregnancy symptoms, pregnancy test

Take Two

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (0)· September 8th, 2006

Well… positive pregnancy test #2 this morning.

I’m both more excited and more guarded than last time. I’m excited because I more readily believe it, but at the same time, I obviously would prefer to not have a repeat chemical pregnancy. That’s part of the reason I waited a while to take the test. If you count 7/25/06 as the first day of my last “period” (the first real bleeding day of the end of the chemical pregnancy), then this is now 6 1/2 weeks past that. I didn’t think too much of it when I past four weeks, because the doctor said this cycle might be funny. Even at five weeks, I was just kind of mildly curious and annoyed at not having a predictable cycle length anymore. Then six weeks hit, and no sign of an impending visit from Aunt Flo. That was three or four days ago.

Now, mind you, at my doctor’s appointment on 8/8, I was told not to try again until I had another period. Nevermind that 8/8 was day 14 of my cycle and… um… maybe that advice was a little too late. Other than that, I will say we didn’t do much “trying” at all this month. So I didn’t necessarily think it was all that likely that this morning’s result would be a positive one. At the same time, I had a hard time believing this “unusual” cycle would take more than six weeks.

So, there you have it! I’ll call the doctor’s office when they open at 9:00, and it’ll likely be all about more blood tests. The doctor said the next time I got a positive test, they’d go straight to the blood test confirmation. Lucky me!

Updates with hcg levels in a day or two, I suppose. Trying not to get my hopes up, but here are my crossed fingers…. May 1 would be an awfully nice due date.

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Categories : Pregnancy

Tags : pregnancy test

Unreal

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (0)· July 22nd, 2006

Took another test this morning, mostly because I had one sitting around (it was originally a 3-pack). I knew it would show the same result, and sure enough, there it was. And yet, somehow, it’s still not very real. Intellectually, I get it. Positive is positive. But I’m somehow convinced it’s not real.

I keep wanting to call people and tell them, but my next thought is then “you know, you’re going to feel really stupid when you have to tell them you were wrong.” I can’t really imagine that it will start to feel real until I go to the doctor and get some independent confirmation. But that’s four weeks away! I suppose I might start to believe if I start feeling nauseous all the time, but so far I feel pretty normal.

I feel like, this being a pretty huge deal and all, that I should be under the immediate supervision of a physician. Shouldn’t there be tests run, restrictions placed, advice given? Nope. Just take the prenatal vitamins, and we’ll see you at 10 weeks. 10 weeks?? I was lucky, what would be 10 weeks for me is a super-busy time at work, so I was able to convince the woman at the doctor’s office to schedule me a week earlier. But even still, almost a month away. Ugh. This is not going to be a fun wait.

The debate regarding who to tell and when rages on. We both really want to tell our mothers, and I’m actually going to see mine next week (neither of them live near us). Do I take the opportunity to tell her in person, or do I wait a few weeks until the doctor’s appointment, but then have to tell her on the phone? Decisions…

That’s all for now, just sitting around thinking about it, not believing it, wondering when I’ll start to feel “different.” Every slight twinge, every turn of my stomach is under scrutiny. Is that first-trimester nausea, or just a plain-old upset stomach? Is that fatigue, or is it just a lazy, rainy day?

Alas, not much to do except twiddle my thumbs and wonder. And take those prenatal vitamins…

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Categories : Pregnancy

Tags : pregnancy test, prenatal care

Knocked up

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (0)· July 21st, 2006

No f***ing way. That’s the only phrase that keeps repeating over and over in my head. No f***ing way.

I’m in denial. I’m sure I must have somehow misread the (frighteningly distinct) plus sign on that little stick. Or maybe I shouldn’t have bought the cheap store-brand ones. Clearly it was broken.

But there’s no such thing as a false positive. I know this. Volunteering at Planned Parenthood teaches you many things, and one of those things is that there is no such thing as a false positive. As my dear hubby said, “well, I guess you can’t go off the pill forever with impunity.”

Yes, I knew this was a possibility. I took my last birth control pill sometime in mid-April. But this quickly? Third cycle off the pill, really? We weren’t even trying that hard! I was just thinking yesterday, “you know, maybe with this next cycle I’ll start paying attention and taking my temperature and all that.” Huh.

I wasn’t even really sure that I was late. First cycle off the pill was 41 days, to be expected. Second one was precisely 28. Guess I was back to my old super-regular days! But the 28-day mark for this one was only a few days ago, and surely there could be some variation. I casually wondered when I should take the test, just to get the definitive “negative” and then get my period the next day. I put it off for a few days, but this morning I woke up and figured I might as well just take the darn thing. So I peed on the little stick and went into the next room to watch the clock and make sure I waited the requisite two minutes. Walked back into the bathroom, and there it was. Plain as day. Not faded or faint like the instructions suggested could happen. Clear as a bell.

No f***ing way.

I went into the bedroom to wake my sleeping hubby. I hadn’t even told him I was going to take the test.
“Honey?”
“mmph?”
“Um, something funny just happened.”
“mmph?”
“I think I just had a positive pregnancy test.”

I’ve never seen him wake up so quickly. He looked at me and smiled, as if to say, “seriously?” We walked into the bathroom so that he, too, could bear witness. So if I was hallucinating, at least I wasn’t the only one. But it was still there. I still think I must have somehow misread it. But there it was. Just like the diagram.

| – means it’s negative
+ – means it’s positive. Holy crap.

Well, um, I suppose I should go call the doctor and set up an appointment. But they’re going to laugh at me when I have to call and cancel, because clearly I read this thing wrong… right?

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Categories : Pregnancy

Tags : birth control, pregnancy test