There are lots of odd questions that people ask new moms. One of my least favorite might have to be “are they good babies?” I think what people are trying to ask when they say that is whether they’re “easy” babies. And while I’m not even sure if that’s a more appropriate question to ask, I guess it’s a somewhat better way to phrase it.

No question, some babies are easier in temperament than others. Some are reasonably laid-back, while others are fussier and more high-maintenance. But if easy equals good, then is my fussy baby somehow “bad?” Is my more easygoing twin the “better” of the two? No.

I know, I know. People are (I guess) trying to be nice. But that question really bothers me. As it is, I’m trying not to over-label my kids. They change so frequently, and have such variation, I don’t even like using blanket (comparative) statements like “she’s the better sleeper.” Because, for one thing, the moment it comes out of my mouth, it gets proven wrong. And for another, I think these labels can sometimes become self-fulfilling. Especially if you repeat them to yourself too often, you can start treating them as you expect them to behave, not necessarily how they really are.

I’m not a nut about this. Labels can be helpful, and our minds naturally seek out patterns and predictability. Everyone does it, myself certainly included. But I think there needs to be some care taken with regard to the line between noting patterns of behavior and making “value” judgments.

I guess I’m feeling sensitive to this because my kids are so different, and they do lend themselves to comparisons. Rebecca truly is, in general, more easygoing than Daniel. But the moment I say that… Daniel laughed three or four delightful times today. Rebecca didn’t. And I know he can continue to change, and is not destined to be a “difficult” child just because he was a somewhat fussy 3-month-old. So I sort of take offense at the suggestion, albeit unintentional, that less easy somehow means less good.

And really… what’s not good about these two? And what would honestly qualify an infant as bad? So, are they good babies? You bet. Easy? Well, that’s another question.

This is one of those questions that twin moms hear some variation of, nearly every single day. And for some reason, it’s one of the comments that gets under my skin the most. Along similar lines, it sometimes even bugs me when someone (my MIL) tells me I’m doing an “amazing” job, but they do so with this tone of “holy crap, I can’t believe you take care of two babies all day and haven’t yet killed yourself.” Both of these things are sort of awestruck compliments, and I suppose they sometimes make me smile and give myself a little pat on the back. But when the point is belabored, it sort of bugs me.

I am not a superhero. I’m not even a supermom. Or, if I am, it’s more as a result of having twins. And no, that isn’t even meant as some sappy “my kids made me better!” It’s more about the fact that, when you’re thrown into the situation of having twins, you figure it out. It’s not magic. Just like any other first-time-mom figures out how to deal with her singleton baby, twin moms figure out how to deal with their two. Just like any other mom, some people are more organized while others are more easily frazzled. I do think that twin moms are, in general, less easily frazzled than most. But that’s a matter of necessity. With more than one baby, you just can’t afford to stress out with every cry. You learn from day 1 that you cannot possibly comfort both babies at once. So you do what you can. But that’s no different than anyone else would do, were they in twin-mom shoes.

The flipside is when people seem to assume that I’m miserable. Without so much as a frown, people rush to reassure me that “it’ll get better.” Sometimes with such grave concern and sympathy in their voices. Did I say I was unhappy?? Sure, it’s rough when they’re both crying or fighting naps. And despite a wonderful husband who is great about taking a big chunk of the night shift, I’m more tired than I’ve ever been in my life. Muscles and joints ache all over. But I’m far from unhappy. And my challenges are not remotely unique when compared to other first-time-moms. There might be a bit more in terms of sheer quantity, but the concerns are largely the same.

I know, this is a little strange. I realize that I’m sort of complaining about something relatively nice that people say to me. But I think what I don’t like is the underlying assumption that I’m radically different from other moms, or what I’m “going through” is some superhuman trial. I mean, it is a superhuman trial, but that’s the case with any newborn. And yeah, I think moms of multiples do have a little something special, but we have it because of our twins. We don’t have twins because we’re special.

And frustrating, exhausting, and overall hard as it can be, how could I complain when I’ve got these two faces? I might not wish a twin pregnancy on my worst enemy, but I can’t lie… supermom or not, I feel pretty lucky to have my very own twins. No sympathy, please.