The return of semi-zen

Last night was the monthly moms-of-twins “cope” meeting, which is sort of an informal support group. The range of people included two other pregnant women (20 and 25 weeks), through moms of toddlers, and even an adoptive mom and a woman who had twins through a surrogate. Always nice to hear other people’s experiences. While there were plenty of women who carried to 36+ weeks, there were also some preemies who arrived at 27 and 31 weeks (who are perfectly healthy toddlers now, by the way). I was practically applauded for showing up at nearly 34 weeks, and I really do feel proud of how far I’ve managed to get.

I realized I’m going back to the semi-zen state of mind I had (at least sometimes) in my first trimester. It’s a kind of acceptance that I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do, and whatever happens from this point forward is, to an extent, out of my control. I’m going to continue to rest, drink my water, take my vitamins, and go to my doctors’ appointments. I would love for them to stay on the inside for another 2-3 weeks. But if it happens that these babies are born tomorrow or next week or whatever, then so be it. I am certainly feeling optimistic that, at this level of gestation, chances are very high for a good outcome for all three of us. And I’ve done what little I can to see to that. So I’m kind of releasing myself to fate, and we’ll see what the next days and weeks have in store.

This is not to say that I’ve let go of my worry, or that I’m not thinking about all of this constantly. But it’s sort of an attempt to let go of the pressure/responsibility of keeping them in as long as possible. Yes, I’ll do what I can, but there comes a point when it just isn’t up to me.

P.S.
Dear babies: please stay in at least until Monday or Tuesday. Mommy needs to get her geek on one last time and finish Harry Potter.
Dear readers: woe betide the person who thinks it would be funny to post a spoiler in the comments. Hell hath no fury like a pregnant woman spoiled… I’ll be happy to discuss it in detail after I’m done. Don’t worry, I’m a very fast reader.