I surrender. And I’m OK with it.
Not even two weeks ago, I was certain I’d make it to my original goal of working to 35 weeks. Sure, 35 was a somewhat arbitrary deadline, but it was the one I’d made. And it was so very close. It really felt like a done deal.
But after this weekend’s minor scare, and my seemingly exponential daily increase in discomfort, I’ve decided to bump it up. For one thing, I’m sleeping so poorly at night that I’m downright exhausted when it comes to getting up in the morning. I noticed quite an improvement without having to wake up to the alarm this weekend, so it was a bit jarring to have to wake up at 7am yesterday. Between the weekend and Monday morning, I was starting to really wonder if I’d make it to the 27th. My boss walked in and looked into my office and said “every Monday, I see you and I can’t believe you’re still here!” Suddenly, I sort of felt the same way. And then I looked at our office calendar for the month, and realized that both my boss and another of my favorite coworkers will be on vacation next week. I added it all up, and decided staying an extra week would buy me nothing, and would be a pretty anticlimactic way to end. And so, instead of 35 weeks, I’m going to stop working this Friday, at 34 weeks. I feel good about it, too. I don’t feel like I “fell short.” I know that I should be proud of making it this far in the first place, and I am.
I’m relieved, excited, sad, and nervous, all at once. I’m quite looking forward to not having to wake up at a particular time, and being able to have my poor, fat feet elevated for much of the day. And I’m excited yet in disbelief that I’m in such a final phase of the countdown. I’m also nervous, both for the next couple of weeks as well as what comes afterwards. I’m worried about the potential boredom of being at home by myself, with very limited ability to go out and do things on my own. That doesn’t tend to go well with me. And certainly I’m concerned about the delivery, wanting the babies to be alright, and then everything that comes after.
It’s also very bittersweet to be leaving my job. When I saw the description posted on the college website more than two and a half years ago, I nearly fell out of my chair. It was as though someone had taken my resume and used it to write the position description. Combination academic advising and admissions (without the travel), master’s degree in counseling desired, string players preferred. I was working at another college literally two doors down at the time. I walked my resume over to HR the next afternoon, had an interview a few days later, and within a week of seeing it posted, I was hired. Like any job, it has had its quirks and pitfalls, but I have really loved it. I love the people I work with, I love the environment, I love my mish-mosh of the two jobs I really wanted, all wrapped up in one.
And on Friday, I’ll walk out the door. My sixteen weeks of maternity leave (thank you, Massachusetts) take me almost to Thanksgiving, but I doubt I’ll be returning at that point. Financially, it just doesn’t make any sense. I’d pay more for childcare than I’d actually take home from working. And much as I love my job, I’m not sure I love it enough to not be there with my kids, at least for the first year or so. I’m nervous about being a stay-at-home mom, but I’ve got a few things in place to try to make it manageable. I’ll really miss my coworkers, and I’ll even miss just coming to work sometimes. But off I go, on my new adventure.
I just hope I don’t go into labor before Friday. I think I can make it another three days…
WOW! you’ve been still working? WOW! Good for you!
When I got pregnant with twins (I’m the mom of 6 yr old twins who commented two days ago about c-sections), the wise twins-specialist OB said “by week 26, you’ll be ready to stop working.” “Oh rrrillly?” I thought to myself, a bit smugly. It seemed so early, so silly, why I had heard about so many friends who had worked until the very end of their pregnancies, who were practically doing handstands on their way to the delivery room. But I heeded his advice, and made arrangements for a long-term sub (I’m a science teacher). And what happened? Why, in week 25 I could barely walk a block without sitting down! And when week 26 rolled around, I was SO HAPPY to be done, to do all those things you’re referring to.
So I am REALLY IMPRESSED that you have lasted this long. And try not to compare yourself with friends who have had one-baby pregnancies. One of the big life lessons to be learned from twin parenting is that the entire experience, from pregnancy to breastfeeding to parenting in general is just different – not always worse, not always better – than one-kid-at-a-time parenting. Of course,, there’s plenty of overlap. but the logistics are very different. And the good thing is that people tend to understand and be supportive and even applaud your ability to handle it as well as you do. And this difference in experience deserves a lot of respect – just think, you are nourishing and growing TWO inside of you – in a just-er world, you’d get twice the maternity leave.
Good luck in filling up your time – you might be surprised with how easy it will be! And tell those babies to wait a little longer before being born!
Aina from Ann Arbor
first off, CONGRATULATIONS on making it to 34 weeks of work. that is a laudable accomplishment! i made it to 32 weeks and then worked from home the next month before my boys were induced. i think you’ll be glad you decided to take off early – my last two weeks were uncomfortable to say the least. enjoy the time to yourself – watch lots of t.v. and movies, read (!!!), cook, take baths, sleep whenever you want to, get a few massages, or how about a pedicure? anyways, do all the things you enjoy because very soon you won’t remember the last time you went to the bathroom because you’ll be so busy. and i say busy in the best way possible…not in an awful, hard work, kind of way…but in a glorious, love-startled, i’m-so-tired-but-this-is-best-time-ever kind of way.
oh, and responding to your last post about your zen-like mind state…rest is the very best thing you can do right now to help those babies cook for as long as possible. wise choice.