Nature is a funny thing. As my good friend, the Beppy, has said… “the tail end of pregnancy has to suck, because otherwise, what’s your motivation for labor?” And though I won’t exactly be going through labor like many people, I find the only thing I can think about right now is this pregnancy being over.
Yes, “over” will involve major abdominal surgery, which will present its own challenges. But I just can’t bring myself to care. I’m not feeling nervous about the surgery, and I’m completely in denial about the reality of having to care for two infants. I just don’t want to be pregnant anymore.
I’ve prepared for “after” as best I can. Cribs and pack n plays and diapers and everything are all set up and ready. I’ve done plenty of reading, taken my breastfeeding class, and all of the parental units are on call. I’m as “ready” as a person can be, which probably isn’t all that ready. But that’s not what I’m focused on at the moment.
Plenty of people, my stepmom and mother-in-law in particular, are presumably trying to cheer me up when they start waxing poetic about the “magic” I’ll feel when the babies are born. How holding them will erase it all, blah blah, weepy weepy. And that’s fine. And that may very well be the case. But you know what? Right now, I don’t care. Being told that I’ll forget my discomforts, or at least that they will cease to matter, is no comfort to me right now. In fact, it’s so annoying that it’s hard for me to not hang up the phone as soon as someone starts down that road. I’m sure it’ll be great, and I’m really excited to meet these two. But hearing my various moms and aunts get all weepy about the magic, complete with superior amusement about just how little I know, drives me up a friggin wall.
So as much as I’m looking forward to seeing and holding these babies on the outside, I pretty much have tunnel vision right now, thinking only of this part being OVER.
Oh, and no matter how many ultrasounds I have, no matter how many different heartbeats I hear on monitor, no matter the two cribs in the nursery… I’m still somehow kind of in denial that I’m really having twins. I keep expecting someone to call me out on this lie I must be living. It’s unreal. Not for long, though!
I feel ridiculous for saying it, given I’m not in the same boat as you with my singleton, but I could have written this post. I am SO DONE being pregnant at this point. And every single person who says, “Getting close, eh?” is endangering the safety of their family jewels. My 2 weeks and 3 days away from my estimated due date (emphasis on the ESTIMATED – no guarantees she’ll even come by then!) seems like the longest eternity EVER!
I’m thinking very good thoughts for you and the babies. However, I will not try to con you with any bs about how great it will be when you meet them. Because I know how you feel.
Good luck!
Boy you hit the nail on the head! You said so many things that I thought/felt but couldn’t say on my blog because my family reads it! The end of pregnancy truely makes you wonder WHY would anyone ever have more?
Personally, I was very disconnected from my c-section. I wasn’t just numb physically, but emotionally. There was no weeping for joy. Honestly, I was very focused on what they were doing to ME because I knew the babies were healthy and I truely think I was in shock for quite some time. It was so weird to me to no longer be pregnant in a minutes time. The process was so fast it was hard to grasp.
My kids are 11 weeks old, and sometimes I still look at them and wonder “Are you really mine? We you REALLY all scrunched up inside of me?” Surely not, I think to myself. How could they have possibly fit?
Taking baths even though it was hard to get in and out was one of the few reliefs I had…and getting back rubs from my hubby. But I wasn’t pregnant in the hot summer, so I doubt you even want to get in a warm tub!
Rooting for you and your little ones!
Wow, you described the way I am feeling as well. Though I am only 20 weeks along with twins, I feel the same way as you.
You sound like I did at the end – “get these kids out”
Forget the joy and all that crap, just give me my body back.
And you are exactly right: until you see them both outside of you in the same place at the same time, the full reality of having twins cannot possibly set in. You will think “how in the world were they BOTH inside of me” haha!
Good luck. Anxiously awaiting the big announcement…
Hey ______________________ (insert phrase least likely to annoy you here)
• I was going to write “hang in there” until I remembered that that phrase has always annoyed me – what else would anyone do, just give up? Just say “oh I can’t take it anymore, I’ll stop doing it”? I don’t think so.
• Then I thought I’d say “you’re doing great”, but that sounds too much like the motorized voice of the eye doctor’s vision testprogram. Plus, you don’t feel as if you’re doing great anyway.
So I’ll just say that I was barely conscious those last few days – not asleep, not awake, and definitely not coherent enough to write anything as readable as your post!
And as for the tremendous joy part – what I remember during the is being excited that it was actually HAPPENING! The utter joy part comes later, when you’re getting to know the babies and getting to understand the whole phenomenon of being a parent. Also I found that the people who were filled with joy for us and at the presence of the babies were most often those who had had children of their own and could reflect upon the joys that having kids had brought them.
For now, it’s just exciting that in a few more days, your life will be different!
Aina Bernier
The end of a twin pregnancy is MISERABLE. Anyone and everyone who has been there can sympathize. My OB told me that, as tough as the first month is (and it will be tough) in her opinion it is still easier than the last month of pregnancy, which is just dreadful. I remember that my feet were huge, I was in constant pain and I was up every night for three weeks with false labor (which seemed pretty darn real to me). Dreadful.