I’m thinking about giving up on breastfeeding.
I don’t really want to. I wanted to make it work. But a month and two visits to the lactation consultant later, and I’m still in tears.
I have been trying to nurse one of them at each feeding, since Rebecca is still alternating with the high-calorie formula (I’m hoping to stop this, we’ll see what the pedi says on Friday). Rebecca latches well, and often manages to satisfy her hunger with a nursing session, though not as much lately. Daniel’s latch is, well, awful. The best advice I’ve gotten is simply to “wait until he opens his mouth really wide and make sure he gets a good mouthful.” Well, what the hell do you do when he has the WORST rooting reflex ever created and he does NOT open his mouth. Honestly. I try and try and wait for that moment when he finally responds, but he never does. Even when he opens it halfway, his tongue is cemented to the roof of his mouth, preventing him from getting much of me in there. So I finally let him get away with a mediocre latch, in the hopes that it’ll at least encourage… something. Except he never really forms any kind of seal, and instead of sucking, he mostly just chews. He manages to get some milk, but never enough for his voracious appetite. After 40 minutes and offering both breasts TWICE, he still screams and takes at least an ounce from the bottle (sometimes 2 or 3).
I’m trying, I swear. I wait and wait for the wide-open mouth, I try to get as much of the areola in there as I can. I offer the other breast… again. But his suck is awful, his tongue smacks from the roof of his mouth, and he flails about wildly when I try to get him on.
And don’t even get me started on the issue of supply. As it is, I might be making enough for one of them. The only suggestion I get seems to be that I should have a baby on one or both boobs at all times, or whenever I don’t, I should be pumping. If I just had one baby, maybe I could get away with constant nursing. But I honestly am not sure I could manage the two of them like that and still actually eat or shower.
I don’t want to give up. Especially for Rebecca, since she does so well. But she’s not the only one who needs to eat. So what do I do? Breastfeed her and formula-feed her brother? That somehow doesn’t seem right. Like an experiment they’d never approve in ethics committee. Do I scrap the whole thing because it’s only half working? It feels like such a waste. I always just felt like this was the kind of thing that, if I just tried, it would work. I’m going to call one more lactation consultant tomorrow, and see if she can’t help me come up with a workable plan. If not…. I just don’t know.
Hi, I’m sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time breastfeeding. The first few months can be very hard! Adjusting to caring for a baby (or in your case, two!), dealing with little to no sleep, hormones, nursing, etc! I am not a professional but I am breastfeeding my son. He is almost a year old. We had a VERY difficult start to breastfeeding. I had a hard time getting him latched on since I had flat nipples. He tried but there was just nothing for him to latch onto. He was also a few weeks early so I think his mouth may have been smaller. He did have a strong suck though. What saved me was a nipple shield. I don’t know if anyone has suggested this to you or not but it really helped us. You wear it over your nipple and the baby sucks the milk thru it. It is a little bit of a pain to use but without it I would not have been able to breastfeed! The baby does not need to open their mouth as wide with it as they do when you are nursing without one. We used it until my son was about 4 months old at which point his mouth was bigger and my nipples not quite as flat. Now he nurses with no problems! I bought one of the shields at Target. I also got several from the hospital i delivered at. There are certainly pros and cons to using a shield and some lactation consulants do not like them so they don’t offer them but if you ask they should have them. Without it I would not have been able to nurse so i’m very thankful that it was offered to me! Good luck!
I am currently nursing my daughter who is five weeks old. I have nursed my three sons before her. My second son, while a good nurser for the most part was so colicky he’d just suck and scream all day long for weeks. I was a mess. When he did nurse, her nursed great, but for those first few weeks, it was hell. I was miserable, he was miserable, and this was my second time around that block! Now on my fourth I am glad I have been able to successfully nurse all my kids, but I am not going to say that it is not often times very demanding, time consuming and frustrating. Everyone handles things differently. With each of my four kids I have had moments where I wanted to throw in the towel and break out the formula, but I held out and in the end, it smoothed out. However, if you have two babies, no sleep, hormones and are a first time parent. You will not be stoned nor will you be deemed a horrible parent if you find some middle ground in the entire thing and decide to strictly bottle feed. Formula will not harm the babies and life will go on. You will not be harming or cheating your children. If you really are that burnt out on it, move on. It’s not a failure so don’t look at it that way either. Search your feelings and go with the route that seems like the bigger win for all those involved.
As for your sons latch, have you tried squeezing just behind your areola and pointing it upward when putting it into his mouth? As well, attempt to make your nipple erect if you can as that may help him to work his tongue around it. As soon as he latches the nipple will soften.
Best of luck to you!
An idea: just keep breastfeeding Rebecca and bottle-feed Daniel for a while (if the nipple shield doesn’t work.) Then try him again when he’s a little older. That way you’ll still be producing milk, and if it kicks in for him, the supply will increase with his additional feeding. As a mom of twins who both breastfed and bottlefed, you can only do your best for each kid individually and try to be equitable, but that doesn’t mean that they’ll always get EQUAL treatment. Mine didn’t always get the same amount of time on the breast. Rebecca can do it, so just let her; Daniel can’t right now, but he needs to eat, so it’s the bottle for him. He can still snuggle when he gets the bottle. The ethics of equal treatment doesn’t need to be so important – more important is the ethics of doing the best possible for each baby. If you’d had them at different times, it would be considered okay to breastfeed one more than the other, given the individual nature of each kid. My son stopped nursing at 11 months, but my daughter kept going until 2. They had different needs because of their different natures. So I wouldn’t give it up entirely because one baby’s having trouble when the other is doing it pretty well.
For supply – a nurse/midwife recommended that I drink Oat Milk, vanilla or original flavor, made by Pacific (I think), and available at stores like Whole Foods or other places where they sell stuff like rice milk and soy milk. Oat milk is actually pretty good (and I don’t care for the soy or rice milks very much.) it didn’t make me go around spurting like a fountain, but it did seem to help.
Good luck,
Aina B.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling frustrated. That never helps. I had a similar experience with my daughter and ended up expressing with her and bottle-feeding (with increasing formula supplements). I decided not to torture either of us when neither was happy. But my advice to you now – if you can handle it – would be to continue to nurse Rebecca if she seems interested and bottle feed the little guy. Another twin mommy I am friends with is doing this exact scenario with much success. Apparently her little boy had some sort of allergy to her milk! But her daughter is nursing so she kept her going. I wish you the best. Whatever you decide, just make sure you are calm and comfortable with your decision. Mom’s happiness is highly under-rated!!
Wow, wish I some great advice like the other moms, but I don’t. Truely, a lot of what you said is why my kids get expressed milk more than the boob. My daughter would scream and claw at me and clamp down to the point where no milk could come out anyway. It is better now, but I was in tears so often. Just today my son refused to nurse and I seriously felt rejected. I guess we mom’s will always be agonizing over our decisions. But really, you should do what works for you as a family and try not to go crazy over it. Everything is so hard as a new mom with twins anyway. And the lack of sleep certainly magnifies everything. Hang in there, whatever you decide to do, the babies won’t be able to remember anyway. But I am sure they will feel loved.
When my little one was very little, I noticed a definite change in his latch when I’d used a pacifier recently. He would chew on me and couldn’t seem to figure out what he was supposed to do with this mysterious breast all of the sudden.
So I would take the babies to bed. Or the couch. Wherever there’s a tv. Get a nipple shield, like one of the previous commenters suggested, and don’t let Daniel suck on anything plastic. Let him chew on your finger if you’re busy with Rebecca. Don’t worry about showers. This weekend is an ideal time if your hubby is home to deliver food to you. Just relax and nurse your babies constantly.
I also don’t see anything wrong with breastfeeding one baby and bottlefeeding the other, at least for the moment. But since you are still supplementing Rebecca (and frankly, I would seek a second opinion on this) continue trying Daniel at the breast before offering the formula or if your pump is working pump when Rebecca gets the supplement. Have you heard of fenugreek? It is supposed to be great for increasing supply.
Have you tried offering Daniel the breast just… whenever? Because he looks bored? Or, after offering the breast and then the bottle for a minute or so, offer the breast again. He’ll have a little in his tummy and not be frantic.
Hang in there. You are doing a great job!
What I meant about not letting Daniel suck on anything plastic was… with the exception of the nipple shield. Haha.
I think you’ve had some great advice here. The only thing I’d add is to press down on the little guy’s chin with your finger as you are getting your breast in his mouth. That will keep his mouth open wide. May not help him stay latched of course! You’ve probably tried it but since you didn’t specifically mention it I thought I’d suggest it.
I am a new mother of twins as well, please contact me and I can try to help. We are successfully BF now at 6 weeks.
-Laura
twopeaedpod@gmail.com
My twins were preemies, so it was a constant trial-and-error. We “practiced” breastfeeding, even though neither could latch on, then they would get a bottle. Just kept at it until one was able to breastfeed well. Let her bf until the other one could too. When that finally happened, it all got easier. They did well for several months until milk production fell off. With supplementing, they were able to bf until 9 months.