Of all the milestones my kids will reach in their first years of life, one I’m looking very much forward to is the fabled “sleeping through the night.” As is the case with many milestones, sleep in particular seems to have a huge range in terms of when this would actually happen. Unlike things such as sitting up, which is a clear “you are or you aren’t” kind of thing, “sleeping through the night” has an enormous gray area. What is “through the night,” anyways?
Let’s start with some less debatable parameters. I once had someone try to tell me that her baby started sleeping through the night at 3 weeks old. I was beside myself. Well, upon pressing for further details, she said “well, I mean, she still eats three times, but she’s not really awake.” OK, I’m sorry. That doesn’t count as sleeping through the night. Does that sound like pretty good sleep for a 3-week-old? Absolutely! Lots of babies don’t differentiate between night and day that early, and are frequently wide awake at various points in the middle of the night. But if you, the parent, must get up and feed or otherwise tend to the baby, I would argue that it does not count as sleeping through the night.
The really gray area, in my mind, concerns the definition of “night.” It depends on when you put the baby to bed, first of all. I’m more of a Weissbluth devotee, so baby bedtime in my house is early, generally between 6 and 7pm. Already, I’m thinking something very different from someone who puts their baby to bed at 8 or even 10pm. Second of all, I’ve talked to many people who say their babies wake up only once per night, and come to find out that really means they really eat at 10pm (when mom & dad are still up), and then wake up “once” at like 3am. So people who are in that frame of mind would consider “sleeping through the night” to be “sleeping while mom & dad sleep.” And they say baby is sleeping through when they drop the 3am, but are still getting up/eating at 10 or 11pm. Again, I think this is excellent progress, and I can’t wait for it to be the norm in my house. But by my standards, 10pm and 3am equals getting up twice.
I suppose I’ve set my bar for “sleeping through” somewhat high. I won’t call it that until they go down at 6-7pm and wake up at a reasonable morning hour. (OK, right now Daniel thinks 5:30am is a reasonable morning hour, but sometimes I get lucky and it’s more like 6:30-7am.) So, to me, “sleeping through the night” means around 12 straight hours of sleep for baby. I know this is possible. I know it’s actually quite good for them. But I know I won’t be all the way there for some time yet. For now, both kids are generally waking up around 11 and 3, though Daniel had a stretch last month of only waking up once, and Rebecca has managed a single bottle the last couple of nights.
Believe me, I’d be psyched if we were consistently down to one wakeup at 11pm-ish, and then asleep until 6am. That would positively rock my world. I’m thinking about trying to wean them off of the 3am bottle after the holidays, when things settle down. So far, we really haven’t taken a particularly active role in getting them to sleep through, aside from the bedtime routine and feeding them in place overnight. But the time is coming. I don’t think they’re ready to meet Dr. Ferber just yet, so I’m going to start by gradually decreasing how much I put in the 3am bottle in the hopes they’ll get used to taking less and less, and then just won’t get up for it. We’ll see.
Oh, and if your four-month-old is sleeping through the night even by my standards? I’m beyond jealous.
I totally think in your standards for sleeping through the night. Sleeping through means I don’t get up to feed her! When she was 2-3 months old, my LO was asleep by 10, then up at 3 to 4. Then I began to put her to bed earlier, first 9, then 8 PM. She began to stretch out her 3 AM feeding to 5, then 6. Now at 4 months, she is pretty consistent with a bedtime of 7 to 7:30 PM and I wake her, or she wakes herself, at 7AM. Which means she truly sleeps through the night. I am also a fan of Weissbluth and have become a ‘sleep advocate’ for my LO. I hope you can also stretch out those feedings, so all of you can sleep through the night
Lisa
At the 4 month mark, F & R’s bedtime was at 9pm, and they’d get up around 7am. At 4 1/2 months, when we switched them to a 7pm bedtime, they started sleeping for 11 hours straight. I agree, an earlier bedtime is better for all involved.
They kind of self-weaned from the 3am feeding at the 4 month mark. They gradually drank less and less, and often times, only one would wake up for a bottle. However, I kept them on the same schedule, so I’d wake the other guy. Are they finishing their entire 3am bottle? I think your plan about gradually decreasing their 3am bottle is a good one.
Of course, my boys are 10 1/2 months now, and Finn has been taking a 3am feeding now for about 3 weeks. Growth spurt? Just board and is in need of some mommy time? Who knows! But, it’s very weird having not fed him in the middle of the night for 5 1/2 months and now we’re back to preparing a bottle at 3am.
Carrie
Sleep. Hang in there. My little ones didn’t figure out the whole “let mommy sleep for 8 hours straight” thing until 8 months when we instituted a strict 7pm bedtime, a good bedtime routine, and had a week long adjustment period of modified CIO. Now, at almost 2 years old, they still go to bed around 7:30pm, sleep through, and have been known to let me sleep until 9:30am. The first year is all about survival!
I am totally spoiled; Emilia has been sleeping through the night–by your standards (11-12 hours/night) since she was three months old. The trick? Her thumb! The day she started sucking it, she slept through that night and every night since (minus five days of getting accustomed to the time difference during our trip to Spain). Of couse, she doesn’t have a sibling to wake her up. But we like to think we played some part in getting her to sleep through the night; we followed our pediatricians advice when she was about 2 months old and started going in when she first cried, putting a pacifier in her mouth (in our case, holding it in until she fell asleep), then feeding her the next time she woke up. Eventually she realized crying did not equal eating, she went for longer spurts without waking up, and then she found the thumb. I know we are exceptionally lucky parents in that respect, but we like to think the technique wouldn’t have work if we hadn’t used it.
our guys started sleeping through the night (11 hours) at 4 months. we did the “sleep easy solution” a week before they turned 4 mo. because we were at our wits end. it took about 3 days for them to acclimate…not bad! here’s the deal with the feedings – choose which feeding you’ll start with and give them an ounce less every few days until you’re down to just 2 ounces and then you’re done with that feeding. then move on to the next feeding until you have them totally weaned. we didn’t even need to do this because the boys decided they wanted the 11 hours. and just like carrie, you’ll have this down pat and then teething, crawling, walking starts and it’s a whole new ballgame! oh joys! it sounds like daniel and rebecca are doing pretty fantastic for 4 months, though! the naps were the hardest part for us and didn’t iron out until 6 months. the torture!!!
I have no idea what standard we’re working from. Fiona “sleeps through the night” more often than not, but that means she goes into her crib anywhere from 9:00pm to 11:00pm (she’s a night owl and we’re having difficulty convincing her that going to bed earlier is the right plan for her, no matter how early we start the bedtime routine!) and will sleep through to 6:30 the next morning (usually she’s on her way to waking herself up and I just help her along).
I was worried that she wasn’t getting enough sleep, but she naps the same amount every day (4.5 to 5.5 hours total) and doesn’t seem cranky or groggy or anything. Her pediatrician says as long as she’s happy, she’s fine. It’s likely she’s one of those babies that simply doesn’t need as much sleep as others might. I’m probably lucky that way because given how much time I’m away from her on any given day between work and the killer commute, her sleep patterns ensure I get a couple good hours of time with her each evening.