There Must Be Something Wrong With Me
So, I’m in Whole Foods today around lunchtime. I felt the need for an outing, the kids had just eaten (mmm, oatmeal), and I needed to replenish my smoothie-making supplies. Off we went.
The kiddos did great in the double snap n go. Rebecca had fallen asleep in the car and stayed that way for a while. Daniel was awake and quietly watching everything go by. I meandered around the prepared foods section until I decided on something for lunch. We got the occasional comment from other shoppers, nothing unusual. Mostly people saying things like “aren’t they sweet.” Very nice.
I pay for my stuff, and sit down at a table to eat my lunch. Rebecca quietly wakes up, Daniel is still just hanging out. It’s a good day, clearly. So why did I suddenly feel so snarky?
As I got up to leave, a woman sitting across from me sort of stopped me and said, “you’re wonderful!” Is it bad that my initial (internal) reaction was, “um, do I know you?” She was very nice, complimenting me up and down about how wonderful my babies are, and how I was clearly doing something right. What the hell is wrong with me that this annoyed, and almost offended, me?
I’m sure it stems from a number of things. The lingering bouts of low self-esteem from high school? Sure. The mental bruises I still have from the many days that are not nearly so good? Oh yeah. I think there’s also a sense that so much is luck and temperament and circumstances, that I’m hesitant to take credit for when things go well. Maybe because I also fear being blamed on the days that they don’t. But I seem to have this weird twin-linked chip on my shoulder.
At any rate, this nice woman was just trying to compliment me. And I recognized my snark as it was happening and tried to keep it in check. No need to be rude to someone who is being nice to me. I think I really need to work on this shoulder chip thing, and just bite my tongue and say “thank you” when someone says something kind and well-meaning.
Tags: twin comments
February 21st, 2008 at 1:06 am
I feel you sister. I have a similar reaction to people commenting on how brave I am to venture out with twins. Like i have a choice. grrr
February 21st, 2008 at 2:25 am
me too! it’s like people expect your kids to be maniacs because there are two. at once. when someone compliments me on how good they are i usually say “don’t jinx me!” b/c hello. i know the bad moments are right around the corner.
February 21st, 2008 at 3:58 am
Hey…you’re entitled to feel whatever way you want whenever you want. But just don’t chew my head off when I say how great a job you do w/your twins
February 21st, 2008 at 5:29 pm
I don’t have twins (obviously), but I hear what you’re saying. Whenever someone compliments me on how great Jack is, I seem unable to just say “thank you.” I have to qualify it with “Oh, that’s just the way he is” or “It’s not my doing” or “For now, at least!”
You should take credit, though! The fact is that Daniel and Rebecca are well-behaved and happy because you and M have given them a loving, stable environment, a lot of patience and stimulation. No, we can’t take credit for all the good — but I do believe that a lot of the good comes from nurture. So many “misses” happen with babies — they spend whole hours or days fussing, they throw a fit in public, you name it — that I feel like we as moms should learn to take credit when the good happens. I feel like motherhood is the hardest job I’ve ever had, and when I’m feeling down in the dumps, I like to kind of pat myself on the back.
And you ARE wonderful, so you should pat yourself on the back too. 
February 21st, 2008 at 8:47 pm
When people say to me “oh, they are so good!” it gets under my skin, because I think they think, that I have it easy! Is that dumb or what? I feel your frustration!
February 21st, 2008 at 11:24 pm
First off, you ARE amazing! Don’t slap me.
Second, I get irked at people too…even though (usually) there is no alterior (sp?) motive for their compliments.
I remember at Costco once, someone said, “how do you do it? I only have one and I’m soooo busy!”. I said, “how do YOU do it…you must be so board!”.
I called myself the B-word under my breath after that!