Sink or Swim
This morning was the start of our new swim class at a nearby YMCA. M has been wanting to do this for ages with the kids, and we finally got around to signing up. Getting to the 9AM class after losing an hour last night was a bit of a crazed rush, but we made it in plenty of time.
We had a few minutes before class, so we could stand and look through the glass wall into the pool. The kids seemed interested, and it’s not as though this was the first time they’d seen or been in a pool. When we went in, Rebecca was not thrilled by the man swimming past her while she walked along the pool deck, but they did fine. Having an adult for each kid is always a nice perk, of course.
There were only three of us in the class, so yes, my family made up 2/3 of the group. The other girl was about 15-16 months old, so at least they were of a similar age range. The class is technically for 6-to-18 month olds, and our kids are 19 months, but I figure better to err on the younger side for their first class. Especially since the next age group is 19-36 months, which is an awfully large range.
Anyways, we sang a quick hello song, and the teacher encouraged us to put a little floatie on the kids (even though we wouldn’t exactly be letting go of them) and kick back and forth across the pool. The kids weren’t really into it, but we did it anyways. Then, singing a little song and going in a circle (kids not at all pleased), she suggested we blow in their faces and try to dunk them. I didn’t think that was so wise, but she strongly encouraged it, so M and I played along. As predicted, there was much screaming by our pair. The screaming didn’t stop until we left the pool.
Here’s where I had a problem. Aside from the fact that I’m not convinced the “blow in their face” technique works that well on 19-month-olds, after Daniel was hysterical for a solid 5 minutes, I stepped off to the side to try and remove him from the situation and calm him down. I was immediately instructed to come back in, that I shouldn’t “send a bad message” by taking him out, that we should basically just let them scream and continue about our business. That I didn’t want to send the message that something is wrong by taking him out for a minute. I got practically a mini-lecture at the end of class about how crying is fine, that I shouldn’t “give in” to it, etc.
You all know, I don’t have a particularly difficult time being the hard-ass, as a rule. I don’t overreact to crying, temper tantrums, etc.. I don’t have a problem pushing my kids outside of their comfort zone in the name of learning. But my whole thing about swim class is to teach my kids to enjoy and feel comfortable in the water. And while I obviously have zero training as a swim instructor, I feel like maybe the approach could have used a lot more gentle encouragement and a lot less just powering through the screams. I fear that this approach is only going to lead to my kids beginning to scream the moment we pull on the swim diapers. Especially since Daniel, for one, was really warming up to the pool in Florida, only to freak out today at the Y.
I can’t decide whether to give the class another chance or just cut our losses and try to find another one. On the one hand, this was just one session. Maybe it’ll get better. On the other hand, if this is going to breed some kind of pool phobia, I’d like to get the hell out as soon as possible.
M also points out there was a bit of an “assembly line” mentality to the teacher. She was going straight from one class into the next, no break. Didn’t learn the kids names (there were only three of us!), sang the song, kicking activity one, kicking activity two, circle, dunk, ball, goodbye song (what were those names again?), get out of the pool, start the next class. I can understand that would be a hard way to teach. But I sort of don’t care. My experience was that she was not engaged with the kids at all, not encouraging, not adapting to anyone’s needs. And that doesn’t seem worth scrambling to get out of the house early on a Sunday morning.
Moms of older kids, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one. Teacher engagement issues aside, did it work for your kids to just push through the initial protests and screams? If I knew this was going to pay off, I’d totally stick with it. But I need to know it’s likely to actually go somewhere positive, and not lead to a kid who’s afraid of the water. Or, do you think my mommy-spidey-sense is right and this is not a good approach? Any swim teachers out there want to weigh in?
And as a P.S. to this day… within about five minutes playing in the tub, we had Daniel putting half his face in the water, trying to blow bubbles, thinking it was the funniest thing he’s ever seen. This is not a kid with an inherent fear of the water.
March 8th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
NO NO NO!!!! The teacher is WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! I taught swim lessons for ten years (for many different programs) and your teacher is an idiot. OF COURSE you learn the baby’s names (and the parents if possible) and you do NOT dunk a kid on the FIRST lesson (not even the older kids, unless they want to be dunked)! The blowing in their face thing works with younger babies, but I wouldn’t use it with toddlers, because I never had to. They were always willing to put their own face in the water by the third or fourth session, because they were comfortable and the whole thing was FUN! You can paint flowers or ladybugs, etc… on your toes to get them to look at them and they’ll see mom, dad, instructor, other babies, etc… do it and LIKE it and they’ll eventually be ready to do it too. And if it takes a lot of lessons? Who cares? They don’t need to be swimming laps by two years old. The whole point of parent/tot class is like you said, to enjoy it and be comfortable in the water. You do NOT want a child crying in swim lessons. There is no need for that. There should be enough fun going on with toys, games, songs, etc… that they should be happy. And what’s with the lecture from the instructor? She’s an IDIOT!
And there were days in the summer that I taught 12 lessons in a row (with almost no breaks) and I still learned the students’ names and no one cried.
My advice would be this – cancel swim lessons, get your money back and just take the kiddos swimming with you and M on the weekends. You can play around with them in the pool and they’ll get used to it and be happy and comfortable. Then when they’re three and able to listen and follow directions in a structured class, sign them up again for a beginner class.
I always felt bad teaching the parent/tot classes because I was just there to facilitate people playing with their babies in the pool, something they could have easily done for cheaper during open swim without me there.
Good Luck!
Luckygirl´s last blog post..They were right.
March 8th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
Uh, what is it about your posts that inspire me to write novel-sized comments? Guess I should have emailed…
Luckygirl´s last blog post..They were right.
March 8th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Our girls HATED the toddler swimming class at the Y. I hated the instructor. It was an awful experience. We kept going through the entire session but pretty much ignored the instructor, just so that we could learn what she was expecting them to learn. I became out and out hostile towards the instructor and she learned to back off, but we were in a large class, so she couldn’t spend a lot of time focusing on us. After the class was over, we started taking the girls to open swim and they LOVE that. They are “swimming” on their own now, with the floatie things to help keep them from sinking. I don’t think it will be long before they are ready for swim lessons without Mommy and Daddy. I would complain to the Front Desk manager and tell them you want a refund on your class and give the open swim hours a try. If the open swim hours at your branch aren’t good for your nap schedule, the other nearby branch has different open swim hours. Who knows, maybe we’ll see you there.
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March 8th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Interesting. We are going to sign the kids up for their first “baby dip” class – I heard from another MOT that the pool at the Malden Y is very warm and more like a bathtub so we are going to try it there. My kids love the bath so we hope they will like the pool too. The other MOT said that the best part was free family swim (as your other commentators suggested). Slow and steady is the way to go I suspect. I agree this instructor seems too dogmatic. P.S. would love a post from you on time changes. My kids screamed for an hour going to bed tonight despite being exhausted. Worst bedtime ever – I mean that. I guess we never knew how good we had it. Also, need to email the MOTs – what do infants wear for swim diaper-wear?
Mommy, Esq.´s last blog post..Scrawny Sweet P
March 8th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
i would run far away from this class. it’s just so wrong. i’ve never done swim class with the boys, but it just goes against every cell in my body to be insensitive to your children’s legitimate fears and apprehensions. and advising a parent to just dunk a kid under water? WTF!
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March 8th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
That’s crazy! A friend of ours teachers swim lessons (unfortunatley they live 4 hours away), anyway, when the girls were 6 months we visited them and she taught a lesson for the girls.
The instructors specifically told us to never blow in their faces because they need to learn how to hold their breath and how to react when their face goes underwater without being forced. They explained that when a child falls in the water unexpectedly no one is going to blow in their face before they hit the water. I tend to agree but she is my firend and I trust her very much.
That instructor sounds crazy and I would get my money back!!!! We are taking the girls out with us this summer to the pool and will be semi-teaching them to swim. (ok– playing) I would not want your little ones to develop a fear of the water because of a crazy person!
Good luck!!!!
Lisa
March 8th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Bye-bye swim class.
I’ve heard the Boys & Girls club in Billerica has great classes—my friend’s taken her little girl there for a year or so, want me to ask her about them?
March 8th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
oh wow. Ya. Run away. Run far, far away. Come back without the kids and demand your $$ back.
Perhaps there’s a *reason* there aren’t many kids in her class.
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March 8th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Ok, I’m going to rant…I have yet to be impressed by anything at the Y. The facilities are great – gotta love the zero entry pool that’s bathtub warm, but the teachers I’ve encountered there are lame at best, disinterested in kids and disorganized.
Our first swim lesson there was when my kids were 9 months old. The teacher was out 4 of the 8 classes and each time had a different sub, none of whom wanted to be there. One of the subs was so hungover that he had someone bring him coffee poolside. On one of the few days our teacher was there, the other lifeguards were all at a conference, so she was overseeing 3 lessons going on at the adjoining pool and was barely in the pool with us at all. We had a similar experience with the teacher saying to dunk the kids and let them scream. One of her subs said we shouldn’t dunk them and that, in fact, it is against Y policy to tell us to do so.
Recently we decided to give them another try because we really wanted to get the kids in the pool. The person taking registrations strongly encouraged me to sign my kids up for a Gym and Swim class where they would play in the gym and then get to swim. There was no age printed in the brochure. I told her 3 times that my kids are 2 years old. I signed up and emailed the instructor telling her how old my kids are and asking her if this is the right class for us. She never responded,said she “meant to, but didn’t get to it.” We went to the first class. It’s a class for 4-5 year olds. Hello, we were half the age of the other kids! I decided to have us take the class anyhow since we were there and the kids were geared up for it. This teacher had no lesson plan and just aimlessly went from one activity to the next. She told the parents it “wouldn’t be so lame next time”, but come on, it’s eight sessions, how many were we supposed to go through until she got her act together? She wasn’t even interacting with the kids during the “structured free swim”. Argh. We got out of that class and are now just taking a toddler gym class there. Teacher’s not great, but at least she seems to like kids. We won’t be going back after this.
As an alternative, we signed up for parent and toddler swim classes at the Boys and Girls Club in the same town and had our first class yesterday. LOVE IT! The facilities are not all shiny and new and the pool is fairly cold (ok, my little guy has no body fat and he was shivering a fair bit), BUT the instructor was AWESOME, kids loved it – no screaming, no forcing kids to do things they didn’t want to. And best part it costs 1/2 of what the Y does!
My understanding is that Y’s rely a lot on having the Y name and reputation. There are good Y’s and bad Y’s. Our’s is a dud in my book.
Bottom line – if you’re getting that many warning feelings that it’s not working for you, I say follow your gut the other commenters’ advice and get out of the class. You can do free swim…or come join us at the Boys and Girls Club!
March 8th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
I’m also voting to walk away from the class.
Last summer, we had the boys in the toddler pool all summer. The first few times, Alex would cry hysterically if we put him in. We just let him be the judge of when he was ready… and as you know, within two weeks he was jumping into the big pool with no fear.
So not worth it, particularly getting everyone up and dressed and out the door.
LauraC´s last blog post..One of the best days ever
March 8th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
Oh boy, I’m going to need therapy after that post. The bad memories came flooding back! I endured years of godawful Y swimming lessons with a meanie instructor, and at the end of it all, I still didn’t know how to swim properly! I didn’t learn how to really swim (head down, breathing, etc) until high school, when I was peer pressured into joining the swim team. I sucked big time, but it was loads of fun after I got over the initial panic attack on the first day of practice when I realized that everyone else could swim…well. A buddy of mine who happens to be a great swimmer patted me on the shoulder and said, “Just blow bubbles! That’s what I do!” Why did no one tell me this before!? After that, swimming was a cinch. In an odd twist, since high school I have since taught 3 other adults, all Y victims like me, how to swim properly- through encouragement and bubbles. Run from that class as fast as your little legs will carry you!
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March 9th, 2009 at 9:01 am
I, too, was a swim lesson instructor & second Luckygirl’s comment above… cut your losses now & follow your spidey-sense. You’d probably have better luck just going the the pool with the 4 of you & no instructor!
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March 9th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Go with the mommy-spidey-sense. You know your kids and I somehow doubt that this woman has some sort of degree in child psychology. My idiot cousin is a swim instructor and while I’m sure she can teach swimming very well, I know for certain that she knows jack sh!t about kids. Perhaps this instructor is like her…
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March 9th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
As a former swimming teacher (of all ages, including babies and toddlers) and mother of a two-year-old who enjoys the water but typically spends a half hour of playing with the toys on the steps before actually getting in, I totally agree with you. It should be about the kids getting comfortable with the water. And the teacher should most definitely learn the kids’ names in a class like that!
I’d look for another teacher, and if this seems to be the norm at that place, look elsewhere. Or maybe just go to family open swim with the kids (and two adults!) regularly for awhile. You know enough to practice getting the kids comfortable with the water at this age — a little kicking practice, increasing levels of independence (i.e. moving the kid farther away from your body), bubble blowing, and songs like ‘Ring around the Rosie’ and ‘Motorboat’ are pretty much all it takes.
Tara´s last blog post..Going to the Zoo & Going to the Chapel
March 9th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
One other thing… I usually do “dunk” my daughter once during our swims together. It’s typically when she’s gotten to her most comfortable point and we’re almost ready to get out. She loves ‘Ring around the Rosie,’ so we do that and finish with “…and all go under!” Then we both go under quickly together. She’s often a bit surprised and doesn’t completely love it, but it doesn’t seem that traumatic. So, I’m all for pushing your kid a little beyond their comfort zone, but only by one level, not by going from 0 to 60 in five minutes.
Tara´s last blog post..Going to the Zoo & Going to the Chapel
March 9th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Wow! Hot topic! I have to join the choir and say go the Gymboree route – it’s not worth it. It sounds like you, M., Daniel, and probably Rebecca, were not lovin’ it.
Funnily enough we’re going away next week on a baby friendly vacation that offers baby swim classes – our first. I’m VERY curious to see how they go.
March 9th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
I’m just pregnant with twins, so I have no feedback on the swim lessons, but I will take a moment to commiserate about this weather. It’s such a tease to give us 60 and sunny and then this today (I’m in the Boston area too). Makes me want to gouge my eyes out and I’m not stuck in the house with two toddlers (just two fetuses). Hopefully there is a light at the end of the tunnel though cause this tunnel done gone on too damned long. Love your blog!
March 10th, 2009 at 12:17 am
I think the blowing-in-the-face thing works well — with little tiny babies. Not toddlers. Toddlers don’t have the same suck-in reflex as babies do. I only had one kid at a time, so I was able to start both of my girls in the pool at about six to eight weeks. Both were comfortable in the water initially but, at an age where they realized that water could be dangerous (once they figured out that they’re small and don’t ACTUALLY control the world) they showed some fear and it slowed down their progress for a while. I think that was around age 3 for my first kid and 3 1/2 for my second. But it was just a hiccup to move through, slowly. Clearly, causing a kid to be freaked out by the water is not a good move.
I love the Y (worked there for many years) and I am a swimmer (I was not yet 4 when I swam my first race), and I have to say that I have not had good experiences with the Y swim lessons in the city where I live. I’m sure it’s different everywhere, but our Y just does not have a great program. I enrolled my kids in lessons at four different places before I found one I liked. Don’t give up.
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March 11th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
I see you already have a ton of responses, and one from Luckygirl, who was the person who I KNEW would be able to answer this question! Since I know this wonderful woman in real life, we seeked her advice about swimming lessons(class vs. no class) in December. We took her advice and didn’t sign up for the classes but instead have been taking them to Open Swim most weekends. We let them ‘guide’ us as to what they’d like to do and don’t force them at all. If there was any negative association with the water (cries, ect), we took them out immediately and gave them a break. The last thing I want is for them to have a fear of water/swimming, etc…and I know that, by removing Daniel from the situation instead of letting him ‘deal’, you want the same thing.
Just as with Little Gym classes, etc. I’ve found that the instructor makes all the difference in the world. It sounds like this instructor needs a swift kick in the ass. Dunking a kid who (obviously) does not want to be dunked? That’s grounds for a Speedo wedgie.
P.S. For us, we are waiting until the kids are at least 3 before we sign them up for any sort of organized swim class. There is no point to wasting any money when Open Swim is essentially the same thing (without the forcing of dunks), in my opinion.
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March 11th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
I don’t think you need one more opinion on this, Liz, and I’m not the mom of an older child, either, but I have to agree with everyone else — you did a good thing by withdrawing from the class! Like you, I can be a hardass parent. I think there are LOTS of times in a toddler’s life when you need to just let them get the tears out; otherwise, you just raise a kid who’s used to getting his or her way all the time, whether it’s appropriate or not. BUT, if my child seems really uncomfortable with a new experience … to the point of screaming … I’m certainly going to pull him out of the situation and calm him down. Not to say, “let’s never do this again,” but to say, “Don’t be scared. What’s upsetting you?” and find out if there’s another way to approach it, or at the very least, re-try the activity after I’ve calmed him down. I really don’t think that teacher knew what she was talking about. I would think that if you DIDN’T comfort Daniel, it would send him a message that Mommy’s not there for him, that he’s just all out there in the scary water on his own. That’s not a good message to send! I don’t think you taking him out sent him a message that the pool is bad. I think the only message he got was, “Mommy to the rescue,” which is as it should be in these types of situations. Good instinct-following on this one!
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