The third in an occasional series: whether to have more kids after multiples. [Part 1; Part 2; Part 3]
The weirdest part about considering whether or not to have more kids is that I seem to lean in favor of it during phases when my kids are particularly challenging. Am I a glutton for punishment or what? Maybe it’s because, when the kids are particularly awesome, it’s hard to imagine going backwards to the hard parts. And maybe, when they’re being a handful, I’m waxing nostalgic for the days without mobility and opinions. Who knows.
But somehow, I’m sort of leaning in favor of the idea at the moment. Have not taken any steps toward it, so this isn’t any kind of “announcement.” Just continued musing on which way the wind is currently blowing. And despite this parenting thing being crazy hard, despite imagining how exhausting it would be to be pregnant while chasing around a couple of toddlers, despite relishing how much sleep I am able to get these days… I’m still considering it.
There’s no real reason to have a third kid, especially in this day and age. Even having two, to theoretically “replace” yourself and your spouse, doesn’t really make logical sense as any kind of biological necessity in the age of overpopulation. No, submitting this decision to logical reasoning will get you absolutely nowhere. It’s really only a question of desire. There’s an aspect of resources and logistics, sure, but it’s mostly a question of whether or not you “want” to have more kids.
A lot of my desire for a third isn’t necessarily about that new little person. In a sense, how could it be? I don’t know who they’d be, what they’d be like. A lot of it has to do with wanting the chance to be a second-time mom. A chance to do it over with the slight amount of confidence you’d get from having done it before.
And today, I had the teeniest of previews of life with three kids. A friend was visiting with her newborn and had to leave the house for a few hours. Of course, the little one slept the first hour and a half, and shortly after she woke up, another friend (and her 10-month-old) arrived. Plus, of course, I hadn’t been up in the middle of the night prior to my time with her. Still, though, I got a glimpse of the juggling act and could sort of imagine the craziness that would be life with a newborn and toddlers (well, figure, preschoolers by the time I’d have a kid). And you know what… yeah, totally bit by the bug. For as much newborns don’t really do anything, I am finding myself strangely drawn to it.
The weird thing is that I’m really not a newborn person. I don’t automatically go all googly-eyed when I see a new baby. I mean, I do the perfunctory “oh, how sweet!” but that’s about it. They’re cute and all, but I don’t go nuts. And yet, here I am… drawn to it. (The beyond-adorable 10-month-old who joined the party was a big draw, too.)
What do you think? Are you the kind of person who melts into a puddle of goo whenever you see a little baby? Or is it something else that gets you waxing nostalgic and thinking… “maybe, just one more…”?
You know I’ve been saying that I want another kid but frankly with all we’ve been dealing with Penny I’m scared about having another kid so we put it on hold. It’s just been so challenging I’m not sure I could do the same struggle with another kid. I think you should go for it!
.-= Mommy, Esq.´s last blog ..Yes, This Was Me (and Them) =-.
It’s a great club to join *grin*
I don’t think I go to complete goo – but I probably do a little more than you seem to
And for the record, I think you’d be a kick-ass second-time mom.
(And just think of all the advice you’ll be remembering for all those new MOTs out there! LOL)
.-= Nancy´s last blog ..Way Back When-esday =-.
I have to admit that I do sort of get all mushy when I am around new babies. I don’t know what it is. I think part of it is remembering (or trying to) what my kids were like at that age. And also, they are just so cute and sweet and quiet. And the thing that has me thinking about having another is that I want the chance to have one baby and be able to really appreciate those early days (though I am sure it won’t be as rosy as it is in my mind!). I also think it would be good for Bree and Cullen to have a sibling, but who knows?
.-= Erin´s last blog ..The Tractor Revealed =-.
We went for the 3rd and got the fourth too! Its so great seeing the siblings all interact and having babies around brought out such a sweet nurturing side in the older siblings! Plus they entertain the babies and make them laugh to no end! I admit I have always been a total baby person, just not when their my own! JK, I love babies just not the sleep deprivation they bring…
.-= amanda @ the lily pad´s last blog ..Packing and Unpacking =-.
Like you, I’m not a newborn type of gal (however, 10-month-olds totally melt my heart! Smiley, laugh-y, but not yet mobile
). I love kids and always have wanted two, but what really appealed to me about becoming a mom again was what I’ll call the redemption factor. You touched on it — it’s the chance to do things over, knowing what you know now. I got to have my VBAC, I got to have another attempt at breastfeeding with a baby who’s not tongue-tied and with greater knowledge about correct latches. Just two small examples! I DO wish we had been able to stick to our original plan of having our second when Jack was three. I know it would still be hectic juggling preschoolers and a newborn, but at least a three-year-old is at school part of the day, and I feel like you can negotiate a tiny bit with a three-year-old (“five minutes of quiet time while I finish feeding the baby, then we can go to the park”).
Anyway, if you do definitely decide to become a STM, I know you will be excellent at it!
.-= Beverly´s last blog ..Little Helper =-.
You hit the nail on the head. I want to do it again so I can do it knowing what I know now. Oh, and in my case….so I can have a chance at having a girl (Sorry, little future person if you turn out to be a boy!)
I think I don’t tend to freak out about babies in general…and I definitely not forgotten how bad it felt to be pregnant/postpartum/sleep deprived…but even in the thick of it right after they were born I knew we weren’t done. From what I hear…when your done, you know it.
I also think you will never regret having another child, but you may regret not having another child when you wanted to.
NO NO NO NO NO.
I hope your husband reads this. If I were him I’d run, not walk, to the doc’s office. It is CRAZY with three kids. Trust me. Playing zone sucks.
.-= pokerpeaker´s last blog ..Returning to the knife edge =-.
I’m like you–not gooey over babies, although I think they’re sweet. I’m not a mom of twins, but just had the second when my daughter was 2.5. I’d always kind of wanted three (but said “two or three” along with my husband). But I feel myself kind of thinking we’re done now. That idea kind of feels more okay than I thought it would. Nothing final yet, but I kind of feel “ready” to be done with babies and all they bring with them and enjoy being able to have an active, mobile family. We’ll see, but that’s where I’m at now.
One thing I will offer up is that my daughter, who will be three in November, is actually able to “help” a bit with the baby. I ask her to bring me things, pick up things when I can’t bend down, etc. Also, I feel a lot less “home-bound” the second time around because the older one needs to get out, so the younger one just naturally gets brought along.
Good luck with your decision! Where’s M on this? Will he basically follow your decision?
.-= Tara´s last blog ..Flower Girl in Training =-.
After leaning towards having third for quite a while, I’m now kind of leaning away from the idea. Back on the shelf for a while. I too don’t go all gooey for newborns. There are a staggering amount of them on this island. I swear it’s unusual to see a young woman WITHOUT a baby, though if you have TWO babies, like me, you are a freak and a circus attraction. But anyway, I still think you’d rock with a 3rd, and luckily, it’s not now or never. We’re about the same age, and have some years in us yet
.-= Jungletwins´s last blog ..My Daughter Broke my Toe yesterday; This Week Sucks =-.
I had some 3rd baby bug bites not long after my twins were born, but now am completely on board with my husband’s One and Done thinking. I love our kids and think I would enjoy having more, but have realized lately that there would be some sacrificing on everyone’s part if we added another child to our family. One-to-one time and money are already tight, and adding a 3rd would stretch us even further. But I will say, I do feel a bit of jealousy when I see another MOT pregnant with a singleton. Good luck with your decision. Either way, you know you’re a fantastic mom!
I do go all mushy inside at the sight of a newborn – I would love, love, love another one – my husband says no. I can understand – sort of – the last time I talked him into another one – we had triplets! One whiff of johnson’s and johnson’s makes week in the knees!
Have NEVER been one to go all mushy with a newborn…find myself going much more all mushy NOW, and ours are nearly 8! (Yowza, that’s tough to type…)
So to answer your question, I’m a “hmmm, what if just one more…” kind of mom, too.
You will make the right decisions…you are a remarkable mom…whether x 2 or 3!
.-= Cheryl´s last blog ..Saturday Snapshots: Upstairs. Downstairs. =-.
Having just spent four days with a 3 month old, I can definitively say I have 0% interest in another child. Now when I’m around 9 month olds, I am all gaga because that was such a fun age. But I truly never want another newborn. And when I got home to my house, it seemed insane with the noise and activity and craziness in comparison.
But only you know what you want!
.-= LauraC´s last blog ..Moles, dogs, and vacations oh my! =-.
I know this is a really old post – I’m adding a comment on here of something a woman told me this past week. We were talking about more kids (she’s slightly older), and she said the determining factor for her was this:
“I decided that I might regret it in the future if I didn’t have another child, but I would never regret it if I did have another child.”
Maybe that will help!
.-= Stacy´s last blog ..Overheard =-.