One of those days (weeks? months?)
I am feeling overcommitted, stretched too thin. Stressed out. Barely keeping up with laundry, emails, the dog. Not able to come up with anything interesting to write.
The kids are, all at once: hilarious, brilliant, amazing, annoying, whiny, defiant, sweet, fascinating, frustrating. Lots of yelling, which I’m not proud of. Not enough focus. And yet, when M listens to my complaints and frustrations, he takes it as me being upset with him for “making me” be a full-time SAHM. Not only was it a completely mutual decision, but I’m not sitting here polishing my resume and researching day cares. I don’t want to change the fact that I’m the full-time caregiver for our kids. All I want to do is acknowledge that, even though it’s fun and rewarding, it’s insanely hard and frustrating.
In the meantime, I should be finishing up the tagging for tomorrow’s Twin Club sale. I’m looking forward to getting rid of several bins full of clothes and other miscellaneous stuff, but I can’t seem to make myself finish up. And yet, because I know I’m supposed to be doing it, I feel guilty doing anything else.
Yes. I’m going a bit loony over here. Don’t mind me.
What I need is more time and space for myself. Next week’s goal: try out the child care center at my gym (which is included with my membership, and yes I’m an idiot for not using it sooner). It’s not the same as having a babysitter for several hours at a stretch, but it’s a lot less expensive and it means I get some exercise while getting more than 10 feet away from the kids.
It goes without saying that I adore my kids, think they’re awesome, and am totally grateful for having them. And I am super fortunate to be able to stay at home with them. But oh my lord, mama needs a break. I would kill for a weekend away, I just don’t know where to go. I need to recharge the old batteries and come back fresh. I need some time to be by myself and do my own thing, without feeling like I need to jump back into reality after an hour or so. What do you think the chances are?
Tags: stress
September 25th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Let me start by saying that I do not know what it is like to stay home bc I don’t do it.
But for the recharging part, Jon and I found around 2 is when we needed some space in the house without the kids. It wasn’t enough to go to a bookstore or do my own thing. I needed time to be in my space doing my thing. That’s when we started splitting up on weekends, where Jon would take the kids to a museum for a few hours or take them grocery shopping or whatever. We still do it and it’s made a huge difference.
Hang in there!
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September 25th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Yes, I agree with Laura, sometimes you just need quite time to yourself in your own home. I make Aaron take the kids for walks on Sundays sometimes so I can get that peace. I do find my time at the office “refreshing” in many respects but then feel guilty when I want the kids to sleep until 7 am instead of enjoying another hour with them when I hardly get to see them. It’s always the guilt with us women, isn’t it?
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September 25th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
It is incredibly difficult to find time to yourself when you are a stay at home mom to twins. I stay home with my 15 month old boys, and they are a handful. When my hubby can, he watches them, even if I just go to the grocery.
Where can you find out about twin club sales? I have seen a few people talk about them before.
September 25th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Laura and Mommy, esq. beat me to it. You could present it as M getting quality bonding time with the kids. And you getting your sanity.
However, none of this helps you get a weekend away. Sorry
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September 27th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Thanks for keeping it real! Can you perhaps actually take a weekend away for yourself? Go visit a friend or maybe just spend a night away somewhere? It would be good for M to maybe have the kids alone for 24-48 hours and get a small taste of what your life is like, the good and the bad. And it would be good for the kids to get quality time with dad and you to get quality time with yourself. Wow, I’m liking this idea and thinking maybe I should do it….
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