You’re so bad
Yesterday, I left my kids. My husband, too. Walked out the door, drove to the airport, got on a plane, and flew most of the way across the country. I ran away. And I’m glad I did.
It was about a month and a half ago that I was nearly crawling out of my own skin with the need for a break. Within a few days, I found out about a quilting retreat and booked the trip before I could have second thoughts. Just what the doctor ordered.
Last week, I was making small talk with a woman at my local quilting shop about the fact that I was looking forward to going on this trip, and made some comment about being just as excited to get away from my kids for a few days.
“You’re so bad!”, she said.
I know she was partly just teasing me, but I also know that there is some truth behind most jokes. I could tell there was a part of her that was chiding me for being excited to leave my children. And there was a part of me that was doing the same thing.
I got home from that shopping trip and vented to M. Don’t judge me, lady! Moms need a break, too! Taking care of kids full-time is stressful! M nodded at all the right times, reaffirmed my right to a weekend of my own, and mostly just let the issue drop.
But I would be lying if I said I felt no guilt as I packed for my trip. Part of it, I think, was the fact that I know this all came about as a way to run away. Escape my responsibilities. All of a sudden, I felt overwhelmed. I’m so lucky to have really wonderful, sweet, smart, healthy, happy kids. I’m so lucky that I get to be at home with them full-time. How could I act so thankless and just leave them, as though they’re nothing but a burden?
Intellectually, of course, I know that’s faulty logic. The fact that raising two kids is an enormous source of stress does not negate the fact that it’s also an enormous source of pride and joy. Being a stay-at-home mom is an incredible opportunity. But even people who work at their dream jobs still go home for the weekend and take vacation days. This weekend away is an indulgence, but not an undeserved one.
And so, here I sit. In my four-poster bed in a quiet room at an inn in Colorado. Downstairs, the innkeeper is making pumpkin french toast for breakfast. There’s a dozen or so of us who started chatting and sewing and geeking out about fabric from the moment we got here yesterday, and we will spend all of today doing the same.
M is at home with the kids, rocking the “dad about town” thing. He took them to the Children’s Museum, a bookstore, and out for dinner yesterday. Today they’re going swimming (after they get their H1N1 shots). M will be exhausted by the end of the weekend, but everyone is having a great time.
Tomorrow evening, I’ll fly back home. I’ll sneak into the kids’ room when I arrive and be so happy to see their sweet, sleeping faces. And Monday morning, though I’ll be tired from my late flight, I’ll have a little more energy and patience.
Guilt or no guilt, we will all benefit.
November 7th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Shame on that woman!
You are SO GOOD to admit you need time away. The ones who gush that every moment is sunshine and rainbows? They’re lying to themselves, their family, their friends.
Of course I just spent two days putting my kids in day care and hanging out with Jon, so you know my opinion! But being together 24/7 with anyone, even your kids or spouse, is not healthy.
Plus M is going to SO RESPECT your daily life after this. ha ha!
LauraC´s last blog ..What I would tell myself five years ago
November 7th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Hope you’re having fun!! And that pumpkin french toast sounds delicious – how do they get the pumpkin into the toast??
Nicole´s last blog ..Birthday Party Planning: Take 1
November 7th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Women do this to themselves so much more than men – there’s nothing wrong with needing a break (studies confirm this). Do you think the working parent beats himself up on Saturdays when he takes a nap, spends a few hours playing video games, or goes golfing instead of spending quality time with his family to make up for what he couldn’t spend during the week? Absolutely not. I think we all need to be better at not feeling guilty at all about this type of thing – you’re not just a mom. I know, easier said than done. And please feel free to quote me to myself once I start beating myself up in the same way
Enjoy your weekend away – you will be better for it!! Have a wonderful time and bring back that pumpkin french toast recipe (that sounds awesome!).
November 7th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
I remember one of the parenting psychology books I skimmed (I didn’t READ it, I’m so “bad!”) said that for every ONE negative thing kids hear they need 10 to balance it.
Along with the three ladies above, make me number four, and M certainly counts for at least 6 (if you haven’t already got 6 refutations to that unthinking comment made).
You will return rejuvenated, refreshed and SOOOO much better equipped to handle the day-to-day rigors (and it IS rigorous) of life with two babies when you return.
Forget that lady. My hope is she was simply trying to be flip/funny and had no idea she might be taken seriously. (Although that doesn’t really excuse it.)
Have a GREAT time!
Cheryl´s last blog ..Saturday Snapshots: Creating, High-Rating & Roller Skating
November 8th, 2009 at 9:02 am
I hope you have a fabulous weekend. I never realized how tough being a SAHM mom would be. We all need a break once in a while and it is so important for our kids to see us happy and being able enjoying activities we love. I love that you are able to be honest about your feelings, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and it is actually important to acknowledge your feelings.
Enjoy your weekend and I hope you return feeling more refreshed!
Amy´s last blog ..Milestones
November 8th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Despite sounding cliche, I say “You go girl.” (You have to imagine the z-snap part). I’ve only been a SAHM for about 6 months and for just one child, and I can already understand what you mean. Your comment about people who work full-time getting weekends and vacation days is dead on. Enjoy!!!
Elise´s last blog ..First pool, first ocean, first Halloween!
November 8th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Enjoy your time! You AND your kids need it.
If I could take one hour off, I’d sit and cry, and feel much better when I was done.
If I could take a week, I would sleep and recenter and remember that I like myself.
My mother-in-law is giving me that break. She’s taking the kids to Washington for a week and a half, and we will all benefit from it. Yes, I still have to go to work, but I’ll have my evenings and my mornings and my weekends to get my house and my brain and my energy back together. If I didn’t have that time off to anticipate, I would have already lost it.
Sadia´s last blog ..Austin Children’s Museum
November 10th, 2009 at 1:34 am
Don;t feel guilty. Enjoy your time away and hope you come home feeling completely refreshed.
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