Right. So. Remember when I said my kids were potty trained? Well…
Rebecca is doing great. A superstar. I can think of only one accident in the last week. She can hold it, she tells me when she needs to go, she isn’t freaking out about poop the way some kids do, and she is perfectly willing to use the travel potty when we’re out and about. No problemo.
And then, there’s Daniel. Oh, Daniel.
Sigh.
If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll know we’ve had a very, very difficult week. Daniel has gotten hit HARD by the terrible-two-and-a-halfs. Much like when he went through this phase back in October, he feels the need to be contrary AT ALL TIMES. He pitches a fit that he doesn’t want breakfast. Then he pitches a fit that he wants oatmeal. And raisins. NO RAISINS! I WANT RAISINS! NOT ON THAT SIDE OF THE PLACEMAT! And this is all before 8:30am. It goes on all day long. If I ask him something or offer him something, he has to say no. I go to put it away, and he demands whatever he just declined. He claims to not want to play outside, not want to go to a friend’s house, not want to go to Starbucks. Riiight. Sure ya don’t, buddy.
Worst of all, this has spilled over into potty training. He did so well the first week. Not perfect, but really well. He’d have a tiny accident (like small enough that a change of undies was not really necessary), stop himself, ask to use the potty, and finish. Brilliant. No longer.
For one thing, he seems to have tuned out from listening to his body. Now he has a full-on accident, and THEN tells me he needs to use the potty. When we’re at home, when we’re out. All over the damn place. And, of course, if I ask him if he needs to go or ask him to sit and try before we leave the house… well, you can guess what the response is. “I don’t wanna! I don’t need to use the potty!” Five minutes later… new pants. Again. And did I mention he’s a notorious incomplete-emptier? The kid goes about a tablespoon at a time. Ugh.
The kicker is that sometimes he does well. Sometimes he asks to use the potty before he goes in his pants. Sometimes he poops in the potty. He is very capable. But much of the day, he tunes out and/or refuses all suggestion. And those who have been through this will understand how it simply brought me to tears on Thursday night. Exhausted. Defeated. Broken. Sobbing.
So, friends, where do we go from here on the potty front? Re-boot-camp? New incentives? Back off and put on Pull-Ups for my own sanity? As a general rule, I want to be as consistent as possible and don’t like going “backwards.” But I would also like to not end up in the looney bin.
And as for the behavior – pick my battles and ride it out? Be extra strict and nip the attitude in the bud? Start drinking heavily?
Hugs.
I’m starting to think that there’s something to toddlers acting out every six months, around their birthdays and half-birthdays. Maybe I should have the girls’ birthday party two months early so I can actually get the prep done?
To answer your questions, with my kids I would 1) reread my favourite discipline book (I’m finally reading 1, 2, 3 Magic) 2) definitely pick your battles 3) work out, take baths, use TV, hire a sitter … whatever you do to stay sane. I wouldn’t recommend drinking, but to each their own.
.-= Sadia´s last blog ..Not tabula rasa =-.
Oh, and yes, go back to Pull-Ups. If he’s not ready or cooperative, he’s not ready. It’s not worth the stress.
.-= Sadia´s last blog ..Not tabula rasa =-.
Let me tell you a story about my friend H and her son. Around 2.5, he decided he wanted to use underwear and she ran with it. Went with the advice that you should never go back to diapers after going to underwear. He still had issues sometimes pooping in his underwear but she thought eventually they would make progress. ONE YEAR LATER he was still pooping in his underwear on a daily basis.
So… I don’t really believe that sticking to it always works.
My personal belief is potty training is like breastfeeding. It is a two way relationship between the parent and kid. The kid has to be ready and cooperative and the parent has to be ready and cooperative to deal with anything that might go wrong.
If you’re at the point of crying and sobbing after two weeks, it might be worth it to take a break and try again when he is more cooperative.
.-= LauraC´s last blog ..A post with two topics =-.
You’re in a good situation because Becca is doing so well and pottying is going to – for better or for worse – be a big part of the next few months for your family whether Daniel decides to participate or not. So, if you decide to just bail on the undies for awhile with D. he is still going to be surrounded by pottying which is a good thing. I suspect that you’ll know pretty quickly when he decides that he wants to join in on the fun.
.-= jane´s last blog ..Oh transition =-.
Sounds like for your own sanity, you should both take a break and when he is ready to come back and try again you will be on the same page. Jane has a good point, he will be surrounded by pottying with Rebecca regardless so he can decide when he is ready to step up to the plate again. I am sorry this brought you to tears (virtual hug), these days/moments are horrible but try and remain positive, make another plan and know this too shall pass.
If’s he’s resistant, then he’s not mentally ready even if he’s physically ready. We were in the same situation with both our girls and it was horrible. Our pedi told us, “Tell where the potty is and what it’s for, after that it’s up to them. Don’t mention it again until they ask.” It was only after we stopped asking/telling them to go, that they decided they were ready. If they wanted to use the potty they did. If they asked for help, we helped. We kept them in pull ups until they asked for underwear. When they asked for underwear, I calming told them it was their job to keep them clean and dry. They were pretty much accident free at that point. It was so, so, so easy.
.-= Rhonda´s last blog ..Stack-fu =-.
I’m afraid I can’t offer much advice, but just wanted to say I’m sorry it’s been such a tough week. Hopefully next week will be better.
.-= reanbean´s last blog ..Potty Training: 5 Weeks Later =-.
First, I HIGHLY recommend a glass of wine in the evening. It’s very adult and a complete world away from 2 year olds. One of the things that helped with Katie to get her to try (she would usually goes when she try, but not always) is to give the incentive just for trying (which you might be doing). I even doubled up and changed the incentive (peanut butter M&Ms) when she didn’t want to try and it really worked for us. The funny thing is, she never gets incentives at my in-laws and she is there 3 days a week–and is potty trained at their house. Is it possible to keep Daniel naked from the waist down when you are at home? I wonder if feeling it that way might get him to the potty. I also wouldn’t hesitate to take a step back and put him in Pull-Ups. Katie was “this close” to being potty trained late last summer, and she started doing exactly what Daniel is doing. So, we stopped, went back to diapers, and started again just about 2 weeks before Rebecca’s boot camp–and she is doing great this time.
A 5 oz. glass of wine is only 2 points and worth it!
I feel your pain. Chloe has been potty trained for almost 6 months now. Although she is DEATHLY afraid of public toilets so we have to use pull-ups if I know were going to be some place where I won’t be able to access the travel potty quick enough. Oh and pull-ups at night, of course. Three nights of changing sheets every two hours was enough to have me committed to a mental hospital. Maddie, on the other hand, just didn’t seem ready. So I went BACK to pull-ups and it was wonderful. I highly recommend it. I figured she didn’t like to see me getting so frustrated and I was at a point where it was impossible to hide it. Now, she wear panties all day at day care, mostly all the time at home and when we travel. I think she’s physically and mentally ready but I also think she just doesn’t care. I wrote a blog post a long time ago about how she told me that she “has better things to do besides go on the potty.” God help us all. We are neck deep in the defiant stage and it’s killing me. EVERYTHING – from both of them (thankfully usually not at the same time) is a fight. They are oppositional to the n-th degree. I hate to say this but since they turned three they have been kicking my ass. Good luck and do whatever you want. One of my closest friends told me that they never go to Kindergarten in pull-ups so don’t sweat it! *hugs* (ps…send me your email and I’ll send you a picture of Maddie’s potty chart. I did stickers instead of food and it got her through her roughest patch).
.-= Marnie´s last blog ..remembering Tuesday… =-.
sweet. I just tricked your comment form into accepting my comment. Finally. Sheesh! Soooo…
1. 2.5 sux. Masters of Contrarian Behavior. How I remained sane (somewhat)? We made a game out of it. We counted how many times he said yes vs no in say a 15 minute period. We wanted yes to win. We rooted for it. We cheered for it. When it finally overcame “no,” he got a big hug and a sticker. 5 stickers = some shitty toy. Worked pretty well…
2. Ahh, potty. Mantra: Babies wear diapers. Big boys use the potty. See also: Bribery, Way more positive feedback than one human can possible handle, Celebratory post-potty phone calls to Daddy, Grandma, other available family friend who might possible give a shit.
Helpful?
.-= Kami´s last blog ..Off My Chest and Onto Yours (I’m Not Talking Boobs Here, People) =-.
I went through this with my daughter after she was pretty much potty trained. I just chose not to fight it. Prior we’d have knock down fights about trying before we’d leave the house or before the sleep pull-up. So not fighting it meant showing absolutely no emotion when she had an accident and having clean up supplies on both floors of my home. I’d say, “Oh, ok,” when she’d announce an accident. She’d only have pee accidents so I don’t know if I’d take this approach if it was both types. It only took a week or so of this before she was right back on it.
Good luck! I know it is so frustrating because you know he can, but won’t. I think sleep and potty training are 2 things that give toddler a little too much control, but are unavoidable.
I feel your pain. After one accidental deposit in the potty after 2 weeks of underware, Faith is strictly in pull-ups. But here is the kicker-she mainly changes herself!
Jonathan was a super-star at first. But it has been a 2 step-forward, 1 step-back kinda process. However, maybe we have started to turn the corner this weekend…it remains to be seen.
As the for attitude/general craziness, we recently really ramped up the time-outs. I placed a cirlce mat on the landing heading down to our basement, and have started using the time outs for grouchy/mean behavior, not just offenses like throwing food or hitting. And I no longer give second warnings. My kids are totally aware of right and wrong, and they get called on it now. Not sure if this will help or not, but having a system in place (we set the microwave timer for 3 mins) really helps.
And the mother-anguish/crying? You are not alone. I don’t even pretend to have all the answers-but I do have sympathy!
No advice on the potty training but I’m a big believer in wine and am sending virtual hugs! At least you’re not crying at least once a week at 3 in the morning like someone else I know
I don’t have any advice, but I’m in the same boat with my 2.5 year old daughter and I decided to go back to pull ups. Maybe it’s backsliding, but I just don’t think she was there yet. My personal belief is that kids will potty train when they are ready. If you try to do it before, you may have some success but the process will take much longer and be more stressful. In the interest of my sanity, I’m going to wait a little longer.
.-= Carabee´s last blog ..36 =-.
Ugh! I don’t have any answers, other than to ask how involved M has been in all of this. I haven’t potty trained a boy yet, but could having dad more involved maybe help? It would certainly take some of the strain off you! Maybe you take Rebecca to do something fun this weekend and let M take a stab at it with Daniel. They say the same-sex parent is the #1 role model. Other than that, all I can say is, “Hang in there!”
.-= Tara´s last blog ..Visit to Spain in Photos =-.
Greetings from a new reader and fellow twin mom -my twin boys will be 3 in June – I also have an 8 year old son so I’ve been down the potty road before. (And my hometown is Chicago!) With my twins approaching age 3 I have decided to wait until they’re closer to 3 to even try potty training them. I just don’t have the mental energy to even consider going there now.
My advice is go back to pull ups, let it be his choice, and try -try !!- (as hard as it is) to separate emotionally from his decision whether or not to use that potty. If you force the issue in any way you will probably regret it, as I did with my older son when we battled major constipation issues – WHAT a nightmare.
I second every word Rhonda said in her comment- the part about it is only when you stop asking / telling/ arguing/ begging/ pleading/ bargaining and back off COMPLETELY that the process will be his own and the accomplishment will be HIS OWN. This is one issue you just cannot force, its just not worth it. In a month or 2 he could be willing to do it for himself and that will be worth the wait.