Two weeks ago, my brother’s son was born. Charlie is my brother’s first child, and my first nephew. So when I saw a cheap weekend airfare to Chicago, I had to pop out there to meet him (and deliver his quilt in person, of course).
A friend on Facebook teased me, “look out! Newborns are contagious!”
How can you resist the power of the yawning baby burrito?
The funny thing is that, of the various baby phases, I’m not generally a “newborn” person. Cute though they may be, they don’t DO anything. They eat, they sleep, they fuss. Meh. Fast-forward to six months (or nine, ooh I liked nine months), and I’m all over it. But newborns don’t do a darn thing.
Well, OK. They inadvertently make really funny faces. And that’s cool and all.
But I will say that there was something strangely appealing, or comforting, or something, about feeling so confident in the presence of a 10-day-old baby. I knew how to hold him, I knew how to swaddle him. I knew that all of those weird grunts and squeaks were normal, and not true fussiness. I knew how to bounce and rock and sway. I was calm. Laid-back. I remembered.
Oh, sure. I have the advantage of not being completely hormonal, sleep-deprived, and freaked out by breastfeeding. I was only there a couple of hours. I got to leave. And I didn’t have two 2.5-year-olds to contend with at the same time. I know that.
But I also have the benefit of knowing, first-hand, that these phases are limited in their duration. They come and go. The days are long, the years are short.
Yes, I think I want a third kid. No, M does not. We are, as they say, at an impasse. And in this debate, the “no” wins. I may or may not be able to sway him. It remains to be seen.
One way or another, in my head, I’m giving it to the end of this year. Logic being that, if I were to get pregnant at the very end of this year, that would put a new baby right around my kids’ 4th birthday. Past four, for me, is getting to be too large of an age separation.
Anyways, that’s what has been on my mind since visiting my sweet nephew this weekend. Thanks, Charlie, for giving me baby brain.
Last March, my husband and I had a conversation deciding to “give it to the end of the year” to decide whether or not #3 was in the cards. Little did I know, I was pregnant when we had that conversation!
Fast forward 11 months and we’ve got a cute 8 week old boy. It was so worth it and I hope you finally win the debate!
.-= Shelley´s last blog ..Thanks Caillou =-.
I’ve been in your shoes (I guess, technically, I still am). T started saying, “One and done.” the day we found out I was pregnant with twins. It bothered me so much that we had to make an agreement not to talk about more kids (or not) until our twins were 1. Of course, each of us hoped the other would see it his/her way, which never happened. All of T’s reasons make complete sense to me, but it hasn’t stopped that longing for just one more. I feel a bit jealous when friends with singletons announce their second pregnancies, but even more so when I hear that a MOT is expecting again. I’ve finally gotten to a place where I’m okay to let the ‘no’ win, but I can’t lie and say that a surprise pregnancy wouldn’t knock me off my feet. I wonder- where does that strong desire come from and why is it so hard to move past?
Good luck in your discussions with M. I know it’s been said before, but you’re a fantastic mom and I know you’d be great with a newborn the second go around.
Congratulations on being an aunt! The pictures are super cute.
Pictures are amazing! Is that the 35mm?
I actually think Yes wins in this situation. I think you regret the things you life you want to do that you do NOT do than the things you don’t want and DO do.
But that is my opinion and I am uber-opinionated. ha ha!
.-= LauraC´s last blog ..Scene from life in an all-boy house =-.
Oh, he’s SO cute! How great that you got to go see him. And WOW! your quilt is amazing! I hadn’t seen it before, but I just clicked the link and I LOVE it. I wish I’d had quilts like that for my baby boys!
I kind of agree with LauraC, although you don’t want to do anything that will overly-strain your marriage. But I think the parent that spends the majority of their time with the kids should get more than 50% say, and that would swing things your way. What could you maybe do, rather than say, that could help convince M? Maybe he needs to go visit a new baby and feel that confidence? Or that could backfire… I’d just keep at him with the idea in a kind, gentle way that makes him see how important it is to you. I don’t have twins, nor do I know what a third is like, but I do know that having a baby when you’ve “been there, done that” is a whole different ballgame; I like it. So good luck!
.-= Tara´s last blog ..Visit to Spain in Photos =-.
Ahh the *next pregnancy* discussion. We too have had that many a times. I also get jealous when I hear of others pregnant with #2. My husband then tells me that we already have 2 kids. I tell him its the second pregnancy that I didn’t have. I see a baby and I tell my husband I want a baby. Again, he tells me that we have 2 babies. It just isn’t the same I say. I will admit that I even get jealous when I hear a MOT who is pregnant with her second set of twins! Thats how crazy I am!
Cute pictures. Even though I am definitely done with having more kids, I still get that twinge of wanting another baby and I actually loved being pregnant. I still get that, “I wish I could have 1 more pregnancy and have it be a normal pregnancy like I planned” but more than likely I wouldn’t have the pregnancy I wanted since both my pregnancies did not go as planned. Good luck with your decision and like others have said you are a great mom and I have appreciated all the advice!
Awww! What a cute little guy! That little bundle of joy would make anyone baby brained! And very nice quilt too!:)
.-= Kristen´s last blog ..Snow Day! =-.
I agree with LauraC …
I have twins and a single … only I had the single first … so maybe I’m not the best one to have an opinion here.
I think you regret the things you didn’t do … having a singleton is world’s different than having twins … unfortunately for everyone who has twins first, you don’t have any idea how much easier one at a time is … and, like you said, you know what to do now.
Maybe you should babysit a singleton for a weekend so your husband can see how much different it is
You’d also have the advantage of your twins being in school part of the day.
I’m just sayin’ …
.-= Merri Ann´s last blog ..The 2010 Purge … Part 2 =-.
You know I think you both should take the plunge! I will say that Aaron and I often look at ourselves and think “what are we doing” as #3′s arrival date gets closer but I’m so excited to do it again and think my twins will be great older siblings.
My son, now 17 months, was born twelve days after my girls’ second birthday. I’m so very grateful that I got to have a singleton, and experience how different it is to have just one baby. Well, one baby plus two toddlers, but believe me, that’s still easier than twin infants. I think that if the girls had been three instead of two, it would have been even better in some ways, although there are also advantages in having them very close in age.
My relationship with my son is different from that with the girls. It’s hard to parse out how much of that is the twin thing, and what is girls vs boys, that he’s The Last Baby, or just personalities. All in all, though, I feel like I’m more in-tune with him — not that he’s my favorite, just that I understand him a little better, and relate to him a little easier.
My husband has not had quite the same experience with Andrew, because he hasn’t had to do as much of the physical caretaking as he did with the girls. With them, he was in charge of “his” baby and I had “mine”, and we swapped off periodically when someone got hungry. It was one of the great gifts of twinhood, because he got to be a nearly equal partner in their infancy (whether he liked it or not), rather than handing the baby off to Mama for the hard stuff as many men do. When Andrew was born, I wound up taking on most of the baby care, and turning the girls over to him (well, actually, that pretty much happened early in the pregnancy when the complications started). He’s closer to the girls now as a result, but he wasn’t as involved with Andrew. He had wanted a third child as much as I did, and certainly he’s absolutely glad we had him, but I don’t think it’s been as dramatic a difference as it has been for me.