2010 is shaping up to be a year of big changes for my kids. As it is, we’re knee-deep (sometimes almost literally, oy) in potty training. In September, they start preschool. We’re considering the switch out of cribs for sometime in the early summer (somebody hold me). I’m trying to think ahead and space these things out so they aren’t all hitting at the same time.
But, now, we’re thinking about adding one more to the list: separate bedrooms.
I’ve long been one to insist on keeping my kids together. We’ve had occasional periods where one kid will disrupt the other’s sleep, and there were always people quick to suggest that we separate them, at least for naps. For whatever reason, I always was adamant about keeping them together, and the disruptions always passed.
But there’s something about 2.5 that has me reconsidering my stance. It’s not the sleep. Sleep is just fine, and I don’t think separating them would make it significantly better or worse. No, it’s more of a personal space issue.
My kids are in each others’ faces all day, every day. It’s just the reality of young twins. We go to the same activities. We eat meals together, we play together, they go down for naps together. A lot of times, they play together, and it’s great. But obviously they also fight and argue. And have very few things that are their own, and very little ability to take some space if they want it. 2-and-a-half is hitting us, hard.
I like the idea of giving them each their own room as a way to have space to themselves if they need a break. As it is, the bedroom that they share is a space used only for sleeping. They don’t play upstairs very much at all, just a bit of running around while we get ready in the morning. What if they each had their own room, with a few toys and books and cozy places? It’s not a gender-related thing for me, but more of a personality one. I think my kids are close to one another, but not as much as some twins I know, who would not want to be apart from one another.
This is also a little bit of hopeful self-preservation as I get ready for them to be out of cribs. My big fear is that the end of cribs will mean the end of naps, and that fear is only magnified if they are still sharing a room at that point.
But even more than being motivated out of fear, this is really about having something of their own. A concept that is not totally familiar to them. Oh, sure, they have their own clothes and their own blankets. And one or two toys that are designated as belonging to one versus the other. But nearly everything they have and everything they do is shared.
Just for kicks, I decided to ask them what they thought about sleeping in different rooms. I talked about how their beds are in the same room right now, and what would they think if their beds were in two different rooms? Would that be a good thing, or did they like having their beds together? I honestly had no idea if they’d even understand the question.
Their answer? A hearty double-endorsement for “own rooms!” Daniel was quite clear that his bed would go in the “changing room” (the second small bedroom that currently houses their dressers, a loveseat, and the now-defunct changing table). Even when pressed, “are you sure you don’t want your beds together?”, they stuck to the “own rooms” vote. And while I know this may or may not have any relation to their actual reaction to the transition, it was nonetheless interesting.
In the meantime, I will shop for cute wall decorations on Etsy and make my shopping list for IKEA. This time around, I’m actually going to decorate these rooms, believe it or not!
So, dear friends, what do you think? Have you or will you separate your preschool-aged twins into separate rooms? Why or why not? Do you think they really need the space, or am I totally projecting?
Well…I don’t have twins, nor am I a twin. But I did share a bedroom w/ my sister (younger by 21 months) until I was 14. And you’re exactly right-she was always there, in my face. I honestly hated it. I had no privacy as a kid and tween, and really resented it. Of course your kids are still little, but
I heartily endorse separate rooms for kids (twins or not) if the parents are able to provide such arrangements. Independence is a great thing, and having a little privacy is even better.
And as they get older if one stops napping before the other, you can have the non-napper doing “quiet time” (reading books and playing quietly-a lifesaver for me when my daughter stopped napping at age 3) in his/her room and not worry about the fact that quiet time isn’t always so quiet. Not to mention that since your little ones aren’t the same gender, you’d have to split them up eventually and the younger they are, the easier changes are.
Just some thoughts from a mom to a singleton who has no real-world experience in this matter
.-= Claire´s last blog ..Updates =-.
Hmmmm. A bold move, sister. I’m curious to hear how it goes. I think I’ll keep my girls together as long as possible. At this point, it works out well. Lulu sometimes wakes up irate from her nap, and Mumu will calm her down, make her laugh. I love to hear their little conversations when I put them down. They get along much better in their bedroom than they do in the outside world!
.-= Jungletwins´s last blog ..Date Night =-.
I can’t speak with any authority about older twins. I can say that now – at 16 months – I am not planning on separating my boys. But, there are different and compelling reasons: we don’t have the space, they are the same gender (I actually do think that this makes a difference although I can’t articulate why), and they’re younger. I can speak with some authority on the toddler bed thing and I would imagine that it would be rather a shit storm with two kids in the same room transitioning to toddler beds at the same time. While the end of the crib hasn’t been the end of naps for us it has been the end of the everysingledaynoexceptions napping. Yesterday, for example? No nap. After weeks and weeks of good napping. But she played in her room for over two hours. She was a nuisance for the afternoon but we did both get a break from each other. With two kids running around? Not sure that you could get through two hours without refereeing it somehow where as if they were in different rooms you could leave them be which I think/hope will elongate the amount of time they are willing to take a nap – even if that nap is only quiet time.
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Speaking as a singleton, my sister and I shared a room our entire lives and part of me hated it bc she is the total opposite of me (blond cheerleader vs brunette valedictorian). But we had/have a very tight bond from being forced to share that physical space, we had to learn to get along and deal with each other. And it made the transition to college easy because I was used to sharing a space with someone.
Speaking as a twin parent, my boys CAN NOT share a bedroom. We have tried everything to get them to be in the same space and it simply does not work. We spend more time going in there and dealing with antics than is worth it. No amount of positive or negative attention/discipline has made things any better. They get in there and act like banshees, inevitably fight, inevitably someone gets hurt. The last time we had them try to share a room (due to houseguests) they were up until 11:30PM shrieking and playing. I went in, put my hands on their backs, and they instantly fell asleep.
I feel like this is another situation where you have to make the decision based on the pair. You could always make the bed transition in the same room and if that doesn’t work, separate them. Or you could just start off separated and see how it goes. The thing is, you won’t really know until you try it.
.-= LauraC´s last blog ..The other twin moms will appreciate this =-.
Gonna throw one more thing at you…if you “get your way” are you going to have to throw them back together to have a nursery? I think that transition would be rougher.
My two are together still. And they seem to love it. For us, it’s more a matter of space – Logan had to have his own room for sleeping reasons. At some point we’ll move Maggie into her own room and put the boys together, but for now, it’s all good. And like your kids – they very rarely play in their room…it’s mainly just for sleeping.
On the flip side, I shared a room with both of my sisters for the first bunch of years and then my older sister got her own room and I shared a room with my little sister until my brother went to college. (I was 13 or 14 when I *finally* got my own room.) And while I LOVED having my own room…I’m fairly certain that my little sister and I are super close because we shared that space for so long. It also helped with the college roommate thing Freshman year…I knew how to share a space.
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Hm. Typing while Laura was. Great minds
.-= Nancy´s last blog ..Makes My Monday: The Digest =-.
All three of us shared a room for 8 years. I really don’t recall hating it but was glad to have my own space as a pre-teen/teenager. If we manage to move to a larger house that is what I want to give to my kids but for now Ned and Penny have to share a room so Spyder gets the nursery by herself. I do think a lot about giving them breaks from each other so we often separate the kids on the weekends – Ned had his own swim class and we’d separately run errands with one kid each. One of us will even take Ned outside to run in the (very) quiet street while Penny stays inside and plays (she always wants to be carried when outside). Right now we spend a lot of time trying to get the “boy crazies” out of Ned. It’s great if you have the space but if you do decide to have another kid and will have to throw them back to together it will be much rougher for them.
P.S. You mean my plan to keep the kids in diapers and in cribs until they are 10 isn’t going to work?
.-= Mommy, Esq.´s last blog ..Sort-of-Versery =-.
We made the move to a toddler bed with Michael this weekend. So far so good. He’s loving his new bed and is actually going to bed better than when he was in his crib. My question is when do I make the move and put the boys together and let Eva Rose have her own room? I think potty training is our next thing to tackle, but I don’t think I’m up for the 3 day training like you did. I just don’t think I could do it.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Makes My Monday: Newest Changes =-.
You know your kids better than anyone. If they want to split, and you have the space, do it! My girls do NOT want their own rooms and have rejected the idea every time we’ve brought it up. Of course, apart from the one blanket that Jessie is attached to, they even share clothes and blankies.
I’m with LauraC–my guys CANNOT share a space. It’s a nightmare of hours falling asleep and going in and me yelling. (Or whatever other great parenting technique I’m trying for bedtime). Abigail loved getting her own space and does really well in her own room—-and better yet, bedtimes are silent again. That said, I wouldn’t have done it yet if we didn’t have to. I wonder if preschool in the fall—with them in different classrooms five days a week—will change how they feel about their own rooms? Just a thought…
I don’t have any experience with the issue yet, but I know that if I had someone in my space all day long including waking me up first thing in the morning, I’m pretty sure I’d go berserk. We don’t have a timeline in mind yet except we plan to separate Sarah and Jessica at some point. I have one friend that separated her twins when they moved and the girls were 4. What she likes about it is that if either girl has something she doesn’t want to share, it stays in her room. If it is in the playroom or the rest of the house, it is fair game for her twin or younger sister. She said it has helped some of the squabbling.
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We do have a 3rd bedroom, but it is a tiny room on the first floor, away from the 2 larger bedrooms upstairs, and not really a great setup for separating our girls. Even more to the point, they don’t want to be separated. When anyone has suggested it, they really freak out and say they are going to stay together forever. Don’t know if that is an ID twin thing or just their personalities.
As far as playing in their room and getting personal space, we took down the last of the gates when they turned 3 and they started going off to play in their room whenever the urge struck. We still don’t store toys in their room beyond a few stuffed animals and a portion of their books. They spend many hours carrying what they need up to their room for their various make believe sessions and it takes about 15 min. each day for them to put it all away.
Since their room is shared space, I’ve told them whenever they want to be alone, they can go into the guest room and read or play alone.
.-= Rhonda´s last blog ..Stack-fu =-.
My B/G twins shared a bedroom until around 2 yrs 4 months. At that point, we moved them into toddler beds (we were borrowing a crib and the person needed the crib back). We started using a separate bedroom for naps (we had a spare twin bed in that room), and eventually that progressed to their own room. They didn’t consistently sleep in separate rooms until around age 3 – they just liked to be in the same room together at night.
They’ve consistently had their own room for almost 3 years, and their favorite thing now is to have “sleep overs” on non-school nights. On Friday or Saturday night, we’ll let them sleep together. They laugh and talk, and it’s quite fun. But, they also are in separate classrooms and get “me time” while at school.
.-= Stacy´s last blog ..The Birthmark =-.
My kids are thriving in their separate spaces. I haven’t seen any negative side-effects yet, and it has been almost a year. Faith only naps occasionally, but she is great about having “rest time” which allows J to snooze while she reads her books, etc.
Plus, I loved decorating their rooms more feminine and masculine. And we even have “play in your own room time” where I shut the door and let them play with the few toys they each have in their bedrooms, which works really well when they (or I) need a break.
We moved to big kids beds about 3 weeks ago. The first couple of days naps were rough (I’m not gonna lie), but now they are way better…dare I say almost back to normal. They used to sleep 2 to 2.5 hours and now it ranges from 1.5 to 2.5, so not bad. And, good news, bed time has been great. A couple tough nights with our son, but our daughter gets it no problem.
We plan to move them into different rooms when we have another baby (hopefully soon!). If we can’t have more kids we will probably separate them when they ask for it or when they start Kindergarten.
Trina