I was thinking recently about the ways in which the reality of being a full-time stay-at-home-mom is different from what I imagined it might be. And maybe different from how working moms imagine it might be.
One of the myths that struck me this week has to do with the idea of time and flexibility. When I was pregnant and trying desperately to get the first OB appointment of the day so I wouldn’t have to miss too much work, I thought about how easy and convenient it would be if I wasn’t working and could just take that 10:45am or 2:30pm appointment.
Ha.
Yes, it’s true. I can go places during normal working hours. And believe me, Target during the day on a Tuesday is a whole different world from mid-day Saturday. And that’s cool.
But.
Anywhere I go, I go with the kids. Post office? Hardware store? Supermarket? All with two kids in tow, who may or may not feel like doing good listening that day. That mid-morning doctor’s appointment? Boy, there’s nothing quite like bringing the stroller to the dentist’s office or, better yet, the OB/GYN’s office. And let’s not forget that, while you don’t have to have the earliest appointment so you can get to work on time, you do have to work around the kids‘ schedule. No chance in hell will I schedule anything from about noon to 3PM, and forget about it when the kids were still taking two naps…
Today, it was physical therapy for some pain in my leg (so I can get back to running!). He could see me at 9AM. My husband has a meeting on Tuesday mornings and couldn’t go into the office late. We have no family in the area to call and come over for half an hour. Other at-home-mom friends were busy. So I packed an extra bag with our trusty DVD player and headphones, and hauled it all in for my appointment.
I was lucky, today was a good day. The show held their interest and they didn’t go wandering off to touch every breakable thing in sight while I was getting deep tissue work on my calf. They didn’t insist on sitting on my lap the whole time, nor did they wail and throw a tantrum about not wanting to be there. It was a short visit. Will it go as smoothly when we go back on Thursday? Maybe. Maybe not.
So, yeah, there are great and fun and flexible things about not going to an office for work every day. But today, I thought, “at least if I was working, I’d already have childcare.” Do I think working moms have it easy? Of course not. But for those who are slogging away at the office and dreaming about how much easier life would be if you just stayed home with the kids all day? Yeah, the grass ain’t much greener over here sometimes.
Everything you said, I’m totally feeling it right now. I drag my 2 everywhere. And as much as I love the whole SAHM thing..I have had to cancel 2 appointments in 2 days for lack of babysitter. I mean, dragging my girls in the Ear Nose and Throat doctor? Don’t think so!
Thanks for the perspective. My doctor actually once said, “You’ve never brought the kids to an appointment”, and I looked at him blankly. Then we had an H1N1 scare (just a scare). I wasn’t about to take the kidlets to school if they’d been exposed, and wow, it certainly gave me some sympathy for stay-at-home parents. Melly got it in her head that I was going to get a shot and flipped out.
.-= Sadia´s last blog ..Speech therapy – Week 4 =-.
I have the flexibility with my job to handle certain personal appointments (like doctor’s) during the day. And I would echo you that I appreciate the fact that my daughter is in daycare and I don’t have to schlepp her with me! Of course, I do hate running errands on Saturday/Sunday with all the crowds….
.-= Stacey´s last blog ..The sign of a disorganized mind =-.
I will be in town for S’s group on Thursday AM if you need me to swing by after and watch your kiddos. I could be at your place just before 11 – likely in time for you to make an 11:00 appt. if it is close.
.-= jane´s last blog .. =-.
I remember when I was on maternity leave, the joy of going to Target on a Tuesday afternoon was high. I loved that flexibility! And yet, you can shlep two sleeping infants anywhere. Now, I do what I can to run my errands on my lunch hour so I don’t have to try to figure out double cart, stroller, walk, etc.
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Is that eyeshadow? =-.
I completely agree and love that I work with my kids being this age. But that said…once they start school/preschool you WILL have time and we’ll be scrambling to figure out how to get them there and back and cover the non-school hours and vacation time, etc. I have to say that my mom really liked being a stay at home mom once we started elementary school.
.-= Mommy, Esq.´s last blog ..The Great Blanket Debate and Other Marital Wars =-.
I appreciate this post. A lot. I do work full time and miss my days with my son. But never did I think a SAHM had it easy. In fact, it’s a job I’m really working towards doing in a couple of years.
So for now, I risk running my errands during the rush hour-lunch hour just about every working day. There is only so much I can accomplish with the help of a slow cashier, careless drivers, and busy gas stations. Throw in bad weather and my to-do list may not even get done.
.-= Sara´s last blog ..Speaking of Love =-.
You are SO right. Just this week I looked the schedule my husband (the stay at home Dad) had lined up and thought “Man, I’m glad I don’t have to pull THAT off”. Doctor appointments, trips to town hall, dealing with contractors, servicing on the car…It’s not easy!
.-= Cynthia´s last blog ..2010 March for Babies =-.
YES! YES! Can you tell that I agree? Now, making it to a doctor’s appointment means making my husband take off work—fun stuff, really. I’d much rather play with my own work schedule than his. And, let’s me honest, there are appointments you just can’t take the kids to. Mammogram? MRI? Outpatient surgery? Trip to the ER? All done last year. None were fast. None welcomed small children. I chose this life. I love this life. There are many ways in which it is easier—I do a ton of laundry and chores and errands during the day that we don’t have to do at night. I take the kids to the pedi without missing work. All of that makes my HUSBAND’s worklife and juggle easier—and makes it possible for him to miss work for the MRI and such, as well as for when I have to work.
You need to use the resources you’ve got! I mean it–I sent you the days we always have free. Drop them off! Us non-daycare having moms need to stick together.
I have no illusions.
I know I couldn’t hack being a SAHM. It’s good to see a reminder though!
I’m SUPER lucky that work is flexible with me…I can run out to Target and be back in time for a meeting on the phone. (Heck, I could probably call in from Target if it was a meeting I only had to listen in on…)
Mommy, Esq. makes a good point about school-aged kids. If I hadn’t magically been able to work from home full-time this year, I have NO idea how we would have gotten the kids from point A to point B and back again for all their stuff. I still don’t know how “normal” working parents do it. And a “full day” of Kindergarten is over at 2:15. . . that’s not quite a full day of work
.-= Nancy´s last blog ..I’m Sleepy’s … =-.
I hear ya! Here is a list of things I have not done (that I really want to do!) but I refuse to bring the kids to and have no one to watch them while I do it solo:
-Mail a Christmas gift to my sister in San Diego
-Dentist (3 visits missed so far)
-PT for my abdominal separation
-Flu shot – both (shhh!)
I always wish I had a stand in. When you’re at work, if you have to leave for a doctor’s appt a couple of times a year, it’s not such a big deal. You don’t typically have to hire (and pay out of pocket) someone to cover your time. You just go and come back.
However, I have wonderful dreams about how different life will be for me when the kids are in preschool. And then even better dreams about when they are in school full time
Yes, TOTALLY! As a new SAHM…I have been really struggling with the idea that I had MORE time to accomplish things (email, errands, doc appt) when I worked FT!! How is that possible? I don’t have family in the area either. I have some backup daycare through husbands work and one babysitter (college SR. and leaving town soon…ACK!) that I use…and of course, my little group of MOT friends have all pitched in to help out, too!
.-= Kristen´s last blog ..Words and Snippets =-.
whoa. Are we on the same wavelength or what? Our posts from yesterday are like peas in a pod! After having my second, it was hard making the decision to go back to work. But I got lucky. I have a flexible job and work three days a week, so I can stay home the other two. And one the two home days, I like to cram in stuff like taking in the car. With the kids. Going to get my IUD inserted. With the kids. Grocery shopping. With the kids. But I make sure we also do fun stuff like music class and gymnastics. With the kids.
.-= Kami´s last blog ..I’m Working Late Tonight, Honey =-.
I used to be a WOHM, but when we had our baby last year I quit to be a SAHM. I’d tried SAHM-hood before and it wasn’t easy – I had no illusions. This time it is a bit different as my oldest two are in school for a good chunk of the day and then I just have the baby, so I do find that things are more flexible, but I don’t have multiple LITTLE kids so I think therein lies the difference.
.-= ramblin red´s last blog ..The Longest Week =-.