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Five

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (8)· August 3rd, 2012

Today, they are five. Five? FIVE!

I don’t have enough brainpower left to write anything too profound tonight. But… five. FIVE! Simultaneously hard to believe, and yet somehow just right.

Becca the Bean, who always wears a dress (or a skirt) if at all possible. Who claims to want to be a fashion designer, but is almost as knowledgeable about Star Wars as her brother. Who would choose to eat either rice krispies or instant oatmeal for nearly every meal (unless ice cream is an option – always ice cream). She can plow through a Rainbow Fairies book in an hour. She works her way through every single page of a Hello Kitty coloring and activity book. She’s a little touchy and grumpy and bossy at the moment, but I suspect the intensity will pass. She loves to do the same things over and over again, the things she knows she’s good at, but makes all kinds of excuses not to try something new that she fears she might not get right on the first try. She sings along with nearly every song she hears. She loves, loves, loves rainbows.

Daniel, with the goose egg on his forehead because he is absolutely incapable of keeping his body still. Star Wars and Lego obsessed, not that he has the patience to actually follow the directions and put something together. When he’s excited, he can barely get the words from his head to his voice, but don’t even think about interrupting him or not letting him finish that thought. A bit sullen and sassy at times right now, but boy can he be sweet and polite and considerate, complimenting strangers on a necklace or spouting something like, “this is going to be a delicious meal!” Did I mention he loves Star Wars? HOLY CRAP.

Happy, happy birthday my amazing kids. Five is… it’s something different, don’t you think? I don’t know if it’s the connection with being school age, the half-a-decade thing… it’s just so big. Still little and sweet, but getting bigger before my very eyes.

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Categories : Birthdays, Preschoolers

What day is it?

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (7)· July 9th, 2012

There are big stretches of time, it seems, when I have no idea what day it is, whether I’m coming or going, or practically where I am.

M was off work from the 4th of July until today. As lovely as it is to have him home, have extra hands and eyes, and everything else – it means we’ve been in a perpetual state of “what day is it” since then.

Ellie has been sick for most of that time. Not sure what – a nasty cold with a touch of ear or sinus infection? Regardless, she’s been a snotty, coughing, cranky mess for almost a week.

The big kids have been varying degrees of delightful and obnoxious, which is just how it goes.

I would have been totally ready for today to be Monday, to get back to our normal “routine” (whatever that means, right now). Except that, tomorrow morning, the kids and I are getting on a plane and heading to Chicago for a week. Which means that I’m running around like a crazy person doing last-minute errands, loads of laundry, and generally trying not to freak out.

It’s not that oh-woe-is-me my life is so bad right now. It’s not. It’s just tiring and chaotic and feeling a little directionless. Just chugging along with the necessities and the errands, and trying to remember to do something fun every now and then.

Sometimes I beat myself up about not doing enough “special” things. I get stuff done, sure. But I feel like I don’t do a good enough job making special memories and marking occasions. Case in point, the 4th of July. We really didn’t end up doing anything, except letting the big kids stay up late to watch the Boston Pops on TV.

I felt terrible about it, wished we had done something fun. But then again, we had gone to a carnival several days earlier, so I get points for that, right? On the 4th, it was hot as balls outside, and threatening thunderstorms. Ellie was sick and cranky and does not tolerate crowds and noise and late bedtimes well. As much as I wanted to do something special, I hadn’t planned anything ahead of time, and we still aren’t involved in our community well enough to have any idea what might be going on.

Alas. Maybe next year?

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Categories : Holidays, Preschoolers, Toddlers

Summer, bummer.

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (12)· June 27th, 2012

What is it about summer that seems to bring out the worst in my kids?

Is it the change in routine? Is it being out of school and therefore ALL UP IN EACH OTHER’S BUSINESS for even more hours of the day? Is it just an age-related phase that coincides with the build-up to their birthday?

I don’t know, but it’s a pain in my ass.

Whereas before they would sometimes get on each other’s nerves, now both of them are actively poking, bugging, and pestering each other. But can they ever leave each other alone? No, of course not. Some kind of sibling/twin/magnet-force is in play, requiring them to be within three feet of each other for 98% of their waking hours.

They’re crankier, bossier, more possessive. They’re much more physical with each other than they’ve ever been – suddenly there’s a lot of wrestling in my house, when there had been next to none, and you know that never ends well.

Daniel continues to have zero impulse control, which results in many a head-bonk. Of course, with the breath-holding wail and instant river of tears, you’d think he was dropped in a vat of acid. Oh, the hysteria. On the flipside, if I tell him to stop doing something (for the 900th time), he’s just as likely to cross his arms in a huff and glare at me from over his angry pout. There’s also quite a bit of stomping.

Rebecca has a certain manic edge to everything she does and says right now. If Daniel is being reprimanded for something, she goes into full-on brown-nose mode. Daniel says he doesn’t like green beans? Suddenly they’re Rebecca’s FAVORITE FOOD!!!! Look like you might be getting grumpy with her? I WILL TACKLE YOU WITH A HUG AND KISS!!!! But when she’s not being frantically “good,” she is whiny and fragile, frequently falling apart and claiming she’s “tired” if she feels anxious about something. She is incredibly bossy and particular, and getting sneakier – all but waiting until my back is turned before she gives Daniel a swift kick in the shins, and then trying to negotiate her way out of it.

Like I said, I don’t know if this is an age thing. A lot of kids seem to go through a rough patch somewhere around the 3/4-year mark, which would be us right now. It could be that our summer days have a less-predictable structure, or that they aren’t getting as much space from each other (OR FROM ME). It could be some anxiety about turning five and starting Junior Program (aka kindergarten at their Montessori school) next year.

I’m trying to roll with it, trying to do fun things and make the most of summer. But it would be a lot easier if my kids were in a better damn mood.

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Categories : Behavior, Preschoolers

The First Lemonade Stand

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (5)· June 24th, 2012

Rebecca has been wanting to have a lemonade stand for months. MONTHS. Like, middle of the winter, “when can we have a lemonade stand?” She read about it in a book she got around Christmas, and has been waiting for the perfect day ever since.

Today, I couldn’t think of a good reason why not. The heat wave had broken, but it was a warm, sunny day. We had nowhere else we needed to be. What the heck.

Rebecca insisted on pink lemonade, and Daniel wanted to sell cookies. So, just like my own mother before me, I baked up a batch of chocolate chip and off we went to the end of the driveway.

When the first car drove by without stopping, the look on Rebecca’s face was sheer betrayal. It had simply not occurred to her that someone would pass and NOT STOP. I thought we were doomed.

A few minutes later, though, a car pulled over and a guy told Rebecca he wasn’t thirsty, but wanted to give her a dollar for doing such a nice job, anyways. (The guys were nice, but mama bear in me was glad to be supervising from a few feet back.) The afternoon turned around.

We sat out for about an hour and a half on our quiet street. I’d say they had maybe five sets of customers, one of which being my sister-in-law and her husband. They probably made more in generous “tips” from friendly neighbors than actual sales, and we’ve got about a quart of pink lemonade and most of a batch of cookies left over, but they were thrilled. I think this one goes in the “win” column.

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Categories : Preschoolers

Somebody’s mother

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (8)· June 10th, 2012

Every now and then, something jumps up and smacks you in the face with the realization that you are, in fact, someone’s mother.

Oh sure, there’s the initial “taking babies home from the hospital” bit. But I know every single one of us has moments in the first several months that we think, “when are their parents going to show up and take them to their real home?” And there are big things, like taking a sick or hurt kid to the emergency room and having to be responsible and fill out forms and make decisions.

But sometimes it’s the small, unexpected things that make me sit up and realize I’m not a college kid anymore, I’m not footloose and fancy-free in my mid-twenties. I’m in my thirties, and I am someone’s mother. Mom. Like my mom.

This week, it happened when I sewed a patch on Daniel’s karate uniform. Doesn’t that just seem like something someone’s mom would do?

It happened when I held a couple of bobby pins in my mouth and tried to get Rebecca’s hair to stay put for her dance recital. Fine and wispy, just like me. Sorry, kid.

It happened when I spent most of said recital in the hallway with Ellie, who found the middle school auditorium entirely too hot, too crowded, and too loud. She had a point.

Anyone else have a funny “I’m actually someone’s parent!” moment? It’s not just me, right?

Comments (8)

Categories : Parenting, Preschoolers, Toddlers

The White Belt

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (8)· April 11th, 2012

Eight weeks into karate, Daniel has earned his first new belt – no longer the beginner red, he now has his white belt.

Among the many reasons I love his karate program, one is that the progression to each belt is delightfully clear. Each kid has a paper in his or her folder that lists the skills they need to complete. Once a week, they are allowed to earn a star for the next skill on their sheet. For the white belt, they were pretty basic stances and blocks. But he also needed to know how to count to 10 in Japanese, as well as know the name of his karate school. On the one hand, it did take a full two months to earn that white belt. On the other, each week it was easy for Daniel to see the progress he was making and how close he was getting.

His next star sheet is even better, if you ask me. There are more stars to earn, so it will take longer to earn the belt. And instead of just martial arts moves, there are four categories of stars to earn. “Basics” and “form” are straightforward karate skills. But he also has to earn stars in “life skills,” with entries like “know what a STRANGER is,” and “know parents’ names and home address.” The final category is “physical,” for which he has to be able to do push-ups and sit-ups, balance on one foot for 10 seconds, and know his left from his right.

In his class, the 4-to-7-year-olds, the parents are invited in to watch the kid get his new belt. All of the other children sit attentively to watch, and the lucky kid goes up to the teacher on his own. The teacher presents the new belt with a snap to give it energy, and they bow as they get it. It’s freaking adorable, all of the other kids clap, and the one who has earned his new belt is bursting with pride. This was most definitely the case with Daniel, who was absolutely grinning from ear to ear the entire time.

I love all of this. I love it so much. I love that the teachers as individuals and the school as an organization makes such a concerted effort to help create good people, not just teach punches and kicks. The whole thing gives you the impression that they really believe in this effort, that it’s not just lip service.

Yeah, we’re in the honeymoon phase, I suppose. As time goes by, I may very well find things I don’t like. Daniel may fall out of love with it and move on to something else. But for now, he absolutely loves it and is excited to go every single time. And while it sure ain’t cheap, I feel like we’re getting a lot more than a punch and a kick and a colorful belt. It’s a winner.

Comments (8)

Categories : Preschoolers

Tags : karate

Spring Snapshot – Rebecca

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (2)· March 30th, 2012

Becca the Bean, girliest girl I know.

As far as Rebecca is concerned, anything is better if it’s pink. Or Purple. Or Red. Or Peach. That’s the list of favorite colors she’ll recite to you if you care to ask, or even if you don’t. She loves princesses and fairies and butterflies and dresses and headbands and anything else that screams GIRL! Like these ridiculous Rainbow Fairies books…

She, like Daniel, is crazy about her little sister and will to to great lengths to make her laugh. It usually involves a lot of arm flailing, head shaking, and shrieking in gibberish. What can I say? The baby digs physical comedy.

Rebecca is always doing something crafty, usually drawing a picture or a card. She is big on rainbows and flowers, and always likes to get individual eye colors correct when she’s drawing family portraits. She has also gotten into the joys of tape, so her artwork is decorating nearly every wall in our house. The one above the couch is particularly well-adorned.

She’s been in a rough four-and-a-half-year-old phase recently, a lot more whining and complaining than is her usual, quicker to dissolve into tears. TONS OF FUN, let me tell you. The whining in particular is a real trigger for me. Thankfully, she seems to be coming out of it. However, she’s reverting to her holier-than-thou “look, I’m doing good listening” bit, especially if Daniel is getting in trouble for something. One of these days, he’s gonna get so pissed at her…

Rebecca is incredibly sociable with other kids her age, especially other girls. She doesn’t have to know someone for long before she’s grabbing them by the hand and coming up with some kind of imaginary game to play. She is very sweet with other kids, and especially with kids younger than she is. She is also clever and crafty and seems to know how to be just a little bit manipulative when she needs to be. She’s so socially clued-in, I worry that this skill could morph into a Mean Girl as she gets older, if we aren’t careful to instill a real sense of empathy.

But for now, she’s delightful and sincere. She is affectionate and helpful. She spends much of her time at school doing the same works OVER and OVER again, because she knows she can do them well (ahem, I’m sure that’s NOT AT ALL like her mother), but will try new things without too much cajoling. She reads well, not quite catching up to Daniel’s fluency but still really well for her age. She loves her dance class, and is excited to get back into gymnastics soon. Swimming is a little more complicated, but we’re working on it.

My big girl. While I have no doubt she’ll give us a run for our money as she gets older, I’m going to enjoy this little-girl-ness for as long as it sticks around.

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Categories : Behavior, Preschoolers

Spring Snapshot – Daniel

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (6)· March 25th, 2012

My blogging has been so hit-or-miss recently, I thought I’d devote a post to each kid, catching up on what they’ve been doing lately.

Oh Daniel, My Daniel.

He is the full range of four-and-a-half. He is charming and sweet and loving. He comes up out of nowhere and hugs me and tells me he loves me. He can’t keep himself away from Ellie, always wanting to make her laugh. He compliments total strangers if they have a cool shirt on.

He never, EVER stops talking. I don’t think he knows how. His vocabulary and memory are unbelievable, his use of colloquialisms and facial expressions are hilarious. But his mind sometimes works even faster than his mouth, so he can sometimes stutter and take for-ev-er to get a thought all the way out.

The constant talking can be grating, of course, because it also involves constant questioning and constant negotiating. And while the questions can be tiring, the negotiating starts to make me crazy. He asks a question, I give an answer, he asks again. Oh, it drives me batty. NO I SAID NO AND I WILL NOT CHANGE MY MIND IF YOU KEEP ASKING OVER AND OVER.

Oh, Self Control. Some day you will bestow yourself upon my son, won’t you? Some day? Maybe bring your friend Focus along with you? I know. All of the other boy moms are just chuckling right now and pouring themselves another glass of wine. I’ve met very few moms of boys who haven’t at least had fleeting thoughts of “maybe he’s ADD?” Nah. Just a boy. A distractable, flighty boy who takes FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUTES to put his pants on, only to come downstairs and they’re on backwards. Alas.

And yet, once he earns his stars and gets to play Lego Star Wars on the Wii? Look who suddenly can focus! Fancy that!

Daniel is fully obsessed with all things Star Wars. The movies, the Legos, the Wii games… even M’s original Empire Strikes Back storybook and Return of the Jedi glass from Burger King. (It still boggles my mind to remember that we used to get actual glassware as a kids’ meal prize from fast food restaurants.) He talks to anyone and everyone about it – which movies he’s seen, who his favorite characters are, and any number of plot points that are on his mind. Except he pronounces it “Star Wurz,” and it cracks me up, and I hope he stays that way for a while longer.

A month or so ago, Daniel started taking karate. While it’s a big commitment (twice a week! signed up for six months!), we’re all really happy with it so far. The teachers are wonderful with the kids. In the younger-kids class, they earn new belts by completing steps on a very concrete star chart. So while it may take some time, it’s very easy for the kids to see that they’re making progress towards that next goal. The entire organization also has a huge focus on character development, respect, responsibility, safety, and involving the whole family. It definitely feels like we’ve signed up for more than just another hour-long lesson. Best of all, Daniel absolutely loves it. Hey, anything that encourages him to have a little more control over his mind and body is a good thing in my book.

What else can I say about Daniel at 4 years and almost 8 months? School is going great. He reads incredibly well, pretty much anything you care to throw at him. He’s even started reading silently to himself, which I think is the coolest thing EVER. His handwriting is reasonably legible as long as he’s writing on a lined piece of paper. Give him a totally blank sheet and it looks like the writing of someone in the midst of a psychotic break. If pressed, he can draw a picture that actually looks like something, but he’s not really that into it. He’s doing well with understanding basic math concepts, even a leeetle bit of really basic multiplication, but M is determined to teach him negative numbers. Whatever.

For as much as he is growing up before my very eyes, he is still my little boy. He bursts into tears if his finger gets pinched in a drawer or someone says something mean. He still wants hugs and kisses. At the karate orientation, he still climbed into my lap. The eight-year-olds in the room would barely sit in a chair next to their moms. I noticed and squeezed my little guy a little tighter, not minding how heavy he was getting. I know it won’t be long…

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Categories : Preschoolers

Entertain yourselves

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (9)· February 9th, 2012

The stomach bug has entered our house, and is picking us off, one at a time. Ellie was the first to go down, kicking it off early Tuesday morning with a diaper blowout so foul, I thought I would have to throw the sheets away. Thankfully for all of us, she typically remains a happy, happy baby, even when she’s sick. [If the video below doesn't make you smile, then I'm pretty sure you have no heart.]

Rebecca was up next, after bedtime on Tuesday night. Here’s the thing: Rebecca is a PILL when she’s sick. And she is a PILL when her sleep is disrupted. So waking up two hours after bedtime because she’s puking everywhere? HOLY SHIT. The hysterics, I cannot even describe. She, obviously, was not going to school on Wednesday.

Knowing it was only a matter of time, I kept Daniel home from school, too. And while he probably wouldn’t have actually puked AT school, it wasn’t long. By early afternoon, he was the next to fall. And for all of his recent dramatic tendencies, he tends to just be lethargic when he’s sick. M stayed home to help me tend to the sickies, and we pretty much plopped the kids in front of the TV and movies all day, while we took turns napping and trying to figure out how long it’d be until we got knocked out, too.

And so it was, early Thursday morning, that it was my turn. Oh, lucky me. While both older kids were improving, neither was ready to go back to school. Ellie is still on Pedialyte because her tummy clearly isn’t ready to go back to formula. M was fit as a fiddle and behind at work. So off he went, with me on the couch and three sort-of-sick, sort-of-well kids.

I mostly laid about on the couch, and put on Empire Strikes Back at the kids’ request. Whatever, sick days are when screen time rules pretty much go out the window. It’s all about survival. And we were doing alright for the morning. But by the time I put Ellie down for her afternoon nap, I desperately needed one of my own.

The big kids are pretty much done napping. Most days, we still try to do some “quiet time” in their rooms, but even that is becoming a battle. And after a morning of laying low, I really was not in the mood to convince them to go upstairs. So I made them a deal: if they could play nicely and leave me alone for one hour, I would give them a star. We discussed rules and expectations, and then up I went.

THANK GOD I have kids who are willing and able to do this. I know this wouldn’t work for everyone. For some kids, the temptation for mischief is simply too much. For some sets of twins, it’s nearly impossible to keep them from poking each other’s eyes out. I’m not patting myself on the back for a job well done, but rather thanking my lucky stars that this was even within the realm of possibilities.

I’ve always been on the side of “benign neglect” as a general parenting philosophy, in that I have always tried to encourage my kids to amuse themselves and each other. But the fact that it seems to have worked, and the fact that they generally play well together? Oh, halle-freaking-lujah.

We all know there’s no such thing as a sick day in this job, so I’m glad I was able to get an hour (and a half!!) in bed without the house burning down in my absence.

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Categories : Illness and Injury, Infants, Preschoolers

Death Wish

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (10)· January 13th, 2012

[Unrelated: In case you're interested, you still have until Monday morning to join the weight-loss competition!]

– — – — –

Conversation in the car on the way home from preschool the other day:

Me: So, Daniel, what did you do in school today?

D: I did my journal. [As far as I can tell, they have a set of lined paper and are welcome to write whatever strikes their four-year-old fancy.]

Me: Oh, really? What did you write?

D: I wrote: “Me and Becca don’t want to die.”

Me: mouth agape, stunned silence

D: Well, what I wanted to write was “Me and Becca don’t want to die until we’re 100,” but I ran out of space, so I wrote “Me and Becca don’t want to die.”

W. T. F.?

I have mentioned this strange fixation on death before, and you can see it has not exactly gone away. Daniel, especially, is sticking with it (and the idea that people die at age 100, which I’m not sure how to debunk in either direction). I would say it comes up at least a few times a week, most often in a totally nonchalant way. It’s really getting under my skin, and yet I am at a total loss about what to do with it.

My gut reaction is that he doesn’t seem to be expressing any real anxiety over this idea. My default stance is a sort of non-reaction, maybe in the hopes that if I don’t overreact and draw extra attention and allure to the topic, it’ll eventually fade. But maybe I should try to talk to him about it in case he actually is concerned? I don’t even know where I’d begin, frankly.

Weird death thing aside, I will say that Daniel is otherwise your typical precocious preschooler. Generally happy, totally flighty and distractable, sometimes bent completely out of shape by the color of his fork. He’s a bright and inquisitive kid, which maybe means he’s digesting this information a little more thoroughly than his emotional maturity can handle, but otherwise is not a particularly anxious or stressed kid.

And, no, I actually haven’t gotten a call from his teacher about this. I get a call about Santa, but not about “me and Becca don’t want to die.” I can’t tell if that’s a good sign (as in, she’s been teaching preschoolers for 25 years and is totally unfazed) or what.

What say you, moms of the internets? Is this just one of those strange developmental things, an obsession that will pass with time? Or is this starting to cross a line and warrants a little TLC before he goes all morbid on me?

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Categories : Child Development, Preschoolers