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Archive for SAHM – Page 2

All by myself

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (5)·   August 31st, 2007

Chalk up the lack of posts to the fact that today is day 5 of me being solo with the twins. Things are going well, but I’m obviously left with much less time to do things like blog… or shower.

Actually, things are going pretty well. I have indeed managed to shower nearly every day. I also make it a goal to take a walk with the babies every day, for my dog’s sake as much as my own, and I have accomplished said goal three out of four days already (and things are looking good for today). We’ve made trips to the doctor’s office, the store, and the Breastfeeding Moms Support Group at my hospital’s community health center.

Speaking of breastfeeding… it is slowly improving. My pump did, in fact, come back to life after a short hiatus. But I’m also only pumping a couple of times a day at this point. Once I was alone, it was one of the first things to fall by the wayside. With the three-hour feeding rotation, I just couldn’t devote so much time to sitting at the pump. However, I am now pretty much breastfeeding one twin for each feeding. Sometimes they still take a little supplement when they’re done, but not always.

Itty bitty Rebecca nurses really well, her only problem being that she sometimes falls asleep. I frequently strip her down to her diaper before nursing, so she isn’t too warm and cozy. Her tiny body is starting to fill out, and her cheeks are already chubbier. She’s gaining an appropriate amount of weight, but still adds up to only 5lb9oz as of Tuesday. So despite being my stronger nurser, she is still alternating feeds with high-calorie formula. I won’t be sad to see that stuff go.

Rebecca is generally pretty calm, sleeps well, and makes awfully funny faces. Beware when she decides she’s unhappy, though. She’ll go from calm to screaming herself purple. Thankfully, those occasions are somewhat rare, and she tends to be easy to calm. She’s frequently quite red in the face, and much like her mom, reacts somewhat strongly to the warm temperatures. On the 85-90 degree days, she is often found in diaper only. She’s sweet as can be, and we often just call her “itty bitty.”

Daniel is finally catching on to this whole latching/nursing thing. He’s still quite frantic, shaking his head and smacking his tongue from the roof of his mouth. But eventually he figures out where he is, and sucks away. Speaking of sucking, he needs to have something in his mouth seemingly at least 12-15 hours per day. He screams bloody murder if he looses his pacifier, which he does approximately every 6 minutes. But he’s a stellar eater overall, and is currently tipping the scales at 7lb14oz. Yes, he outweighs his sister by about 2.5 pounds. He moved right on into size 1 diapers yesterday, while his sister still hangs out in the newborn size, and swims in newborn-sized clothes.

Due to the seemingly constant pacifier replacement issues, Daniel spends more total fussy time than his sister, earning him the nickname, Señor Fussy-Pants. (There are songs about it, too.) And yet, if he has his pacifier, very few things seem to bother him. Heat is no problem, nor is the carseat or a full, stinky diaper. He makes the sweetest sounds when he’s falling asleep.

As for me, I’m doing pretty well. My blood pressure is back to normal, and I can see my ankles again. I still have plenty of fat and flab (I got my first postpartum “when are the babies due?” last night… alas), but I do think it’s coming down. The batteries are dead in my scale, so I have no idea how much I may have lost. I’m morbidly curious, but not surprisingly, have not actually managed such a time-consuming task as putting batteries in the scale. My incision has run into a few minor complications, but nothing some antibiotics can’t fix.

Emotionally, I’m doing well. Very infrequent attacks of the weepies. As an example, within 10 minutes of my husband leaving on my first day solo, both babies were hungry and screaming, and the dog threw up. And you know what? I didn’t cry! I take that as an accomplishment. I’m not sleeping a lot, but it’s not like that’s front-page news. I think it’ll catch up to me soon, but for now, I’m functioning.

Both babies are now fed and in their carseats, so it’s time for our walk. And hey, this post only took me two hours to write! Well, OK, more like five days of thinking about posting and then two hours, but still… Hopefully I’ll manage to write more frequently, but for now, know that I’ve got my hands full!

Comments (5)
Categories : Newborns, Out and about, Postpartum, SAHM
Tags : Breastfeeding, pumping, walks

Uncle

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (2)·   July 17th, 2007

I surrender. And I’m OK with it.

Not even two weeks ago, I was certain I’d make it to my original goal of working to 35 weeks. Sure, 35 was a somewhat arbitrary deadline, but it was the one I’d made. And it was so very close. It really felt like a done deal.

But after this weekend’s minor scare, and my seemingly exponential daily increase in discomfort, I’ve decided to bump it up. For one thing, I’m sleeping so poorly at night that I’m downright exhausted when it comes to getting up in the morning. I noticed quite an improvement without having to wake up to the alarm this weekend, so it was a bit jarring to have to wake up at 7am yesterday. Between the weekend and Monday morning, I was starting to really wonder if I’d make it to the 27th. My boss walked in and looked into my office and said “every Monday, I see you and I can’t believe you’re still here!” Suddenly, I sort of felt the same way. And then I looked at our office calendar for the month, and realized that both my boss and another of my favorite coworkers will be on vacation next week. I added it all up, and decided staying an extra week would buy me nothing, and would be a pretty anticlimactic way to end. And so, instead of 35 weeks, I’m going to stop working this Friday, at 34 weeks. I feel good about it, too. I don’t feel like I “fell short.” I know that I should be proud of making it this far in the first place, and I am.

I’m relieved, excited, sad, and nervous, all at once. I’m quite looking forward to not having to wake up at a particular time, and being able to have my poor, fat feet elevated for much of the day. And I’m excited yet in disbelief that I’m in such a final phase of the countdown. I’m also nervous, both for the next couple of weeks as well as what comes afterwards. I’m worried about the potential boredom of being at home by myself, with very limited ability to go out and do things on my own. That doesn’t tend to go well with me. And certainly I’m concerned about the delivery, wanting the babies to be alright, and then everything that comes after.

It’s also very bittersweet to be leaving my job. When I saw the description posted on the college website more than two and a half years ago, I nearly fell out of my chair. It was as though someone had taken my resume and used it to write the position description. Combination academic advising and admissions (without the travel), master’s degree in counseling desired, string players preferred. I was working at another college literally two doors down at the time. I walked my resume over to HR the next afternoon, had an interview a few days later, and within a week of seeing it posted, I was hired. Like any job, it has had its quirks and pitfalls, but I have really loved it. I love the people I work with, I love the environment, I love my mish-mosh of the two jobs I really wanted, all wrapped up in one.

And on Friday, I’ll walk out the door. My sixteen weeks of maternity leave (thank you, Massachusetts) take me almost to Thanksgiving, but I doubt I’ll be returning at that point. Financially, it just doesn’t make any sense. I’d pay more for childcare than I’d actually take home from working. And much as I love my job, I’m not sure I love it enough to not be there with my kids, at least for the first year or so. I’m nervous about being a stay-at-home mom, but I’ve got a few things in place to try to make it manageable. I’ll really miss my coworkers, and I’ll even miss just coming to work sometimes. But off I go, on my new adventure.

I just hope I don’t go into labor before Friday. I think I can make it another three days…

Comments (2)
Categories : Pregnancy, SAHM, Uncomfortable, Working
Tags : discomfort, maternity leave, pregnancy symptoms

Social Support

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (1)·   June 11th, 2007

As soon as I started thinking about becoming a stay-at-home mom, I worried about becoming socially isolated. Sure, I’d have a baby to take care of, but that’s nowhere near the same as adult interaction. I had a really rough summer after finishing graduate school a few years ago, and I know that loneliness and boredom do not agree with me in the least. Though I’m sure it will be different as a parent, those concerns are still there.

Add to that the fact that we really don’t have a lot of friends and family nearby. My family is in the midwest, my in-laws are in Florida. Several of our very good friends left Massachusetts for Washington, DC, a few years ago. The closest friends with kids are still an hour away. And while all of them will come visit and do the best they can, we do not have the built-in social support that we would if we were living near family.

I realized I would need to be really proactive. I looked up mom-and-baby groups, tried to think of activities, and was glad to find out my local YMCA offers free childcare to members.

And then I found out it was twins.

Oh, sure, you can do many of the same things, but it gets a little more complicated. For instance, can one mom bring two babies to a swim class at the Y? I’m also starting to realize that being a twin mom makes you something of a spectacle, wherever you go. If new moms are a magnet for strange people offering strange advice, twin moms are doubly so. I decided I needed to make sure I connected with people in the same position as me.

Last week, I joined my local Mothers of Twins club. In addition to monthly meetings and other benefits, they have a “big/little sister” program. This was exactly what I was looking for. Someone to talk to specifically about the strange and (hopefully) wonderful experience of being a twin mom. Someone who wouldn’t have to “get over” the fact that, yes, there will be two of them.

I met my “big sister” on Sunday at a nearby Starbucks. She brought her 9-week-old daughter, and left her boy twin to run errands with dad. She said it was sometimes nice to split them up like that, especially since going out with both of them can be such a circus of people coming up to you. We had a great time chatting. It’s nice that she’s about four months “ahead” of me. Enough that she’s got some experience under her belt, but not so much that she’s forgotten what the early days were like. We seem to have a lot in common (our boy/girl twins aside), and agreed on a lot of philosophical points. She’s breastfeeding, which I hope to do, but she’s not militant about it. She’s full of advice on tricks and tools she’s finding really helpful with newborn twins.

In some ways, it’s no substitute for having family and friends close by. But, at the same time, I also don’t have family and friends with twins who would be the most knowledgeable, anyways. Sure, I’ll still call my mom several times a week, and I’ll call my other friends with babies for all kinds of advice. But there really is something unique about having more than one baby at a time, and I’m really glad this resource is out there.

And hey, new friends have to come from somewhere, right?

Comments (1)
Categories : SAHM, Secret society of twin moms
Tags : big sister, isolation

I love my boss

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (1)·   May 16th, 2007

I am lucky enough to really like my job a lot. It’s my third full-time job post-grad-school. The first was being a guidance counselor in a high school, which was precisely what I had gotten my master’s degree for in the first place. Turns out, I hated it. Two years later I moved up to higher education, and was an academic advisor for undegraduate business majors at a large university. A dramatic improvement, but I can’t tell you how little I know or care about finance courses. There were also some annoying personnel/management issues, so one day (after a particularly annoying meeting) I stormed down to my office and started looking at job postings. Much to my surprise, the little music school next door was hiring a combination academic advisor and admissions counselor. The job description looked like it was written with my resume in hand. I was hired a week later, and I’ve never looked back.

Not only do I enjoy the day-to-day tasks of my job, but I really love my bosses (I have two, and they even have the same first name). One in particular is really great. I always feel 100% supported and appreciated. We have a very laid-back work environment, no ridiculous clock-watching, and we all love to hang out and laugh when we aren’t doing other things. He’s a big fan of long lunches and “secret time off” in the summers when things are quiet. He said he was considering noting in my upcoming review how happy it made everyone when I brought my dog to work all last summer.

When it comes to this pregnancy and my upcoming leave, he has remained just as awesome. From the day I told him, not only was he excited for me, but he said “let me know if you want to try to figure out something part-time or whatever.” Because I’ll most definitely be gone for the vast majority of the fall semester (busiest time of year), he has already put in the budget money for a temporary replacement person.

Last week, we were chatting, and he said he wanted to talk to me about that. I knew we needed to figure out more details, but I had sort of been avoiding the conversation, mostly because I didn’t know how to diplomatically say “you might want to prepare for the idea of me not coming back.” He told me he had a lead on a temporary person, and wondered when would be a good start date. We chatted and decided July 1 would be good. I’m hoping to be able to stay at work until the end of July, but the twins could decide otherwise. I had done the math, and my 16 weeks of leave (thank you, Massachusetts!) would take me to Thanksgiving if I managed to stick around through late July. Not only was he unfazed by the ambiguity of my “last day” and my full 16 weeks of leave, but he then continued with “and I figure sometime in there you’ll decide what you want to do. I mean, I can’t imagine you’d be able to even know before you see what it’s like.”

A wave of relief washed over me. My suspicion is that I will not be returning to work this year. I’d long thought about being a stay-at-home-mom. Combined with the financial realities of my salary vs. double child care, I think that’s what I’ll try to do, at least for a while. However, it makes a huge difference financially between taking my maternity leave and just plain quitting. I also would like to have the option to go back, in case I find I’m just not cut out for the SAHM thing, or if I miss my job too much. That said, I don’t want to just leave my boss(es) hanging, thinking I’m going to come back when I likely won’t. Well, at least one of them has now absolved me from that worry. Whew!

Oh, and in the meantime, I’m trying to convince HR to let me start our “summer parking” two weeks earlier than normal. I get a summer parking pass, which usually wouldn’t start until the second week of June, but most of the faculty will be long gone after commencement this weekend. Public transit is getting a little rough on me, so I wanted to start driving. While this is all getting worked out? My boss gave me his parking permit. He usually takes the train, anyways.

I love my boss.

Comments (1)
Categories : Pregnancy, SAHM, Working
Tags : maternity leave

Working Hard, or Hardly Working

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (0)·   March 6th, 2007

After the frenzy that was the last few weeks, I have absolutely nothing left in the tank as far as work is concerned. I have no interest in doing any of the tasks that I should do. In fact, at times, I actively resent having them sitting on my desk, waiting to be done.

I don’t have an especially demanding or stressful job, in the scheme of things. Auditions aside, I have very regular hours, a very relaxed boss, and a good amount of free time. But right now, I also have a serious case of short-timer’s syndrome.

I haven’t really said anything to my bosses (I have two, and they even have the same first name. They’re both great, though.), but I’m about 95% sure that I won’t return to work after the twins are born. It’s something my husband and I have talked about since before we were married, and have been preparing for, financially. I thought for a while that I might try to work part-time, mainly for my own sanity. But with two, even that seems unrealistic. The money aspect alone just about makes the decision. Given what I make, it might be enough to cover one kid in daycare, but I’m sure not two. And since there’s a good chance that we might not have other kids post-twins, I feel like this is my only chance, as far as parenting and baby experiences go.

As I mentioned before, I work in academia. This makes the arc of the year extremely predictable. I know that February will be this way, April will be that way, etc. It’s the same cycle every year, which I rather enjoy. But add my (mental) short-timer status to the cycle, and I could barely care less how this whole cycle pans out. I know how it’s going to go, I know what the end points are, and I am having a hard time caring what happens to get me there.

Admittedly, I’m rather burned out from the last few weeks. As delightful as my weekend nap was, I’m still pretty tired and feel like I’d do just about anything to go home early today. Too bad there are workmen in my house, tearing up my den. My husband insists that I need to take a day off this week or next so that he can send me for a spa day. Who am I to argue? I just need to figure out exactly when…

This, too, shall pass. Soon enough, it will be the end of May, the students will be graduated or otherwise gone for the summer, and all that remains will be a quiet office where lounging about is encouraged. I can’t wait.

Comments (0)
Categories : SAHM, Working
Tags : exhaustion, laziness, motivation
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