After the frenzy that was the last few weeks, I have absolutely nothing left in the tank as far as work is concerned. I have no interest in doing any of the tasks that I should do. In fact, at times, I actively resent having them sitting on my desk, waiting to be done.
I don’t have an especially demanding or stressful job, in the scheme of things. Auditions aside, I have very regular hours, a very relaxed boss, and a good amount of free time. But right now, I also have a serious case of short-timer’s syndrome.
I haven’t really said anything to my bosses (I have two, and they even have the same first name. They’re both great, though.), but I’m about 95% sure that I won’t return to work after the twins are born. It’s something my husband and I have talked about since before we were married, and have been preparing for, financially. I thought for a while that I might try to work part-time, mainly for my own sanity. But with two, even that seems unrealistic. The money aspect alone just about makes the decision. Given what I make, it might be enough to cover one kid in daycare, but I’m sure not two. And since there’s a good chance that we might not have other kids post-twins, I feel like this is my only chance, as far as parenting and baby experiences go.
As I mentioned before, I work in academia. This makes the arc of the year extremely predictable. I know that February will be this way, April will be that way, etc. It’s the same cycle every year, which I rather enjoy. But add my (mental) short-timer status to the cycle, and I could barely care less how this whole cycle pans out. I know how it’s going to go, I know what the end points are, and I am having a hard time caring what happens to get me there.
Admittedly, I’m rather burned out from the last few weeks. As delightful as my weekend nap was, I’m still pretty tired and feel like I’d do just about anything to go home early today. Too bad there are workmen in my house, tearing up my den. My husband insists that I need to take a day off this week or next so that he can send me for a spa day. Who am I to argue? I just need to figure out exactly when…
This, too, shall pass. Soon enough, it will be the end of May, the students will be graduated or otherwise gone for the summer, and all that remains will be a quiet office where lounging about is encouraged. I can’t wait.
