Goddess in Progress

Without an audience

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (9) · January 17th, 2013

I have remarked on many occasions that I am a much better parent when there are witnesses.

Oh, come on, you totally know what I’m talking about. If there are other people around, I am a lot less likely to lose my shit and yell in frustration. I’m much more likely to do a quiet-but-firm talking-to or low-drama time out. I’m not a completely different person by any means, and it’s not like I’ve never flipped out in a public place. But overall, I probably do a better job in front of other adults than if I’m at home by myself and totally at the end of my rope. Yeah, I’m just going to be grateful that there’s no video playback of some of those moments.

The major exception to that is when I’m doing feeding therapy practice with Ellie. It is so, SO much worse when there are other people around.

I’m not sure if I can adequately explain how stressful this is for me. On a particularly good day, I can get her to consume about 1/4 cup of various baby food purees and yogurt. It takes a solid 45 minutes, a fully-loaded iPad to keep her occupied, and every drop of patience and encouragement and determination I can muster. I have to stay really upbeat, because getting frustrated and trying to force something that isn’t working will only set us back. Even when it has gone relatively well, I finish and feel like my blood pressure is through the roof and I am completely spent. All I want to do is retire dramatically to a chaise lounge.

And that is when I have the entire quiet house to myself. Throw in a pair of five-year-olds with their never-ending stream of questions and complaints, and I barely last five minutes of feeding therapy before I throw up my hands in defeat and freak out on everyone. I can’t even handle doing it with M around. He’s trying to be encouraging and helpful, and it’s all I can do not to scream at him to SHUT UP AND JUST LEAVE IT ALONE.

Of course, this turns into a whole vicious cycle. Feeding therapy is hard and stressful, so I put it off and avoid it, so it stays hard and stressful. I need to get more disciplined about finding a time that I can do it every day, which should ultimately make it more routine and a little less stressful (not to mention more actual progress for Ellie).

But UGH. Sometimes I just need to talk about how much it blows. It really, really blows.

Comments (9)

Categories : Toddlers

She’s not a part of your system

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (2) · January 15th, 2013

It’s only in the last couple of months that Ellie will actually sit and play with a toy or a book.

Her fine motor skills are fairly delayed for her age, and between that and whatever other factors, she had very little interest in holding onto much other than her lovey until pretty recently. Those links/rings that every baby loves? She could care less. It’s not that she was totally unable, but for whatever reason, she went through a really long phase of throwing EVERYTHING behind her or onto the ground. Almost from the very moment she picked it up, it got thrown. Couldn’t get her to hold onto something to play with it. It all got chucked.

Thankfully, that’s changing and she will now play with puzzles and draw with markers and other good fine motor stuff. But still, if she’s all done with something, it gets tossed. And every time she does, M and I look at each other and say, “she’s not a part of your system.”

Are you a Lonely Island fan? Cracks us up, and we think of this video every time Ellie tosses something overboard. (Mild language warning, probably not best for when the kids are around.)

Comments (2)

Categories : Behavior, Toddlers

Sk8rs

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (9) · January 7th, 2013

Ice skating is a big deal in New England. Sure, I took skating lessons when I was a little kid in Illinois, but it’s nothing like the culture of ice skating out here. In particular, hockey is a huge extracurricular activity in this area. But to tell the truth, it’s something I hope my kids have absolutely zero interest in pursuing. Not only do I not find the sport all that interesting, and think it has too high a risk of injury, but the amount of gear involved is ridiculous, and the kids’ games are at (I shit you not) SIX O’CLOCK ON SUNDAY MORNINGS. Hell to the no.

So, being that M and I have no emotional connection to the New England hockey culture, and a severe aversion to the logistical nightmare of having our kids participate in it, we had never taken the kids ice skating. But Sunday afternoon, friends invited us to join them for open skate, and I decided to take Rebecca and Daniel. They were both totally excited by the idea.

I was a little nervous, to be honest. The last time I had strapped on ice skates was probably almost 20 years ago, and I hadn’t been all that great back then, either. And here I was with a couple of five-year-olds who had never been on skates at all. Eh, what the hell. We’d survive.

It started out with both of them clinging to the wall, and me helping one of them at a time (while trying to maintain my own balance – ice skating was NOT just like riding a bike…). Daniel, especially, hung onto my hand for dear life, putting his entire body weight on my arm. I had no idea what I was doing, really, other than trying to keep them mostly upright. I’m hardly a qualified teacher.

And then, the next thing I knew, Rebecca let go of the wall. A little at a time, then a little more, and she was off.

I’m not saying she was the picture of grace and speed. But there she went, 20 minutes after lacing up her ice skates, motoring around the rink. And when she fell, she laughed and got back up – not necessarily her default reaction to such things, so I have to think it was good that I warned her ahead of time that she’d fall down. I was amazed.

Daniel took a while, but eventually I convinced him that he could do it, too. And lo and behold, I had two kids ice skating under their own power.

Not only that, but they were both absolutely thrilled with the experience and begging to take lessons before we even left the rink. I’m a little torn about that – I love the idea of them learning to skate, and I’d just as soon have someone more qualified than me in charge of teaching them. But we’re not exactly light on the activities as it is, so I worry about over-scheduling.

And yet, ice skating is one of those skills that a kid in New England really ought to have. Even if they (please oh please) never play hockey, there will almost certainly be ice skating birthday parties and the general expectation that you know what to do with a pair of skates. So maybe we will give those lessons a try, after all.

Comments (9)

Categories : Learning/Classes

2012 in Photos (July – December)

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (4) · December 31st, 2012

One last post before the door closes on 2012. Photo overload, part 2!

JULY

AUGUST

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

DECEMBER

Comments (4)

Categories : Photos

2012 in Photos (January – June)

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (1) · December 31st, 2012

Who doesn’t love a little photo flashback at the end of the year? I can’t make myself pick just one, so instead I’ll try to get all three kids represented for each month. Here, in photo overload, the first six months of 2012:

JANUARY

FEBRUARY

MARCH

APRIL

MAY

JUNE

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Categories : Photos

My first non-Christmas

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (4) · December 29th, 2012

For the first time in my 34 years, I did not spend Christmas with my parents in Chicago.

While we are trying to raise a Jewish family, we still kept up the Christmas visit with my parents for the last number of years. It’s an awfully secular celebration in my family, anyways, so it didn’t feel like much of a conflict of interests. Or, at least, I really didn’t want it to feel like one.

Last year, though, it felt like it was. Mixed messages, fuzzy details with the kids. Everyone celebrates holidays and defines their identities in their own way, but all of a sudden, this really wasn’t working for us. Maybe it was the age, maybe it was not communicating effectively with my family. But regardless, it wasn’t working. And between the weird conflict over Santa Claus, and the complete chaos and messy family dynamics of large, divorced families at the holidays, I was sobbing last Christmas Eve with the realization that we needed to take a break.

I knew that it was the right decision to take a year off, but it still took me nine months to tell my parents we weren’t coming. What can I say? It’s complicated, and I was chicken-shit. Thankfully, everyone handled it well, and it did not seem to create the additional drama I had feared.

Still, it was bittersweet and a little melancholy to be in our quiet house, with no sign of Christmas or any of my dozens of relatives. It was the right decision, but that doesn’t mean it was without a touch of sadness. (That said, I did very much enjoy my first Christmas Day movie.)

Without the travel, we’ve also spent a little too much unstructured free time together at this point. Today was an extremely welcome change of scenery, with a day trip to Maine to play with our beloved Maria and family. Take bunch of friendly, outgoing kids and a couple of laid-back moms, add about eight inches of snow and a few pans of fresh cinnamon rolls, and you have an almost-redeemed winter vacation.

I am not going to win any awards for “making the most of our time together” this vacation. Not much to write home about, as they say. Personally, I’m glad to have my first non-Christmas quietly behind me. It was one of those shifts in the family dynamic that needed to happen, and I think we’ve all survived. It’s hardly a life-long boycott – we’ll probably go back again next year. But I’m glad we took the break.

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Categories : Holidays

Shared grief

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (2) · December 16th, 2012

I feel like a fraud, writing at times of tragedy. Who am I to say anything about sadness? How dare I, when my family is safe and sound, and someone else’s is not? What do I know of heartbreak, compared to a parent who has lost their child? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Except that there’s a piece of us that becomes communal, or somehow cosmically connected when we have kids of our own. We are brutally, sickeningly aware that it could be any one of us, at any time. We hear the news and feel as though we’ve been punched in the gut, like we could be physically ill from the horror of it. We contemplate, for even one second, that it could be us instead of them. That I could be the one to find out that the heart that lives and walks around outside of my body is gone. I have no earthly idea how anyone could continue to function from that point forward. I, for one, am pretty sure I would want to climb into a dark hole and beg for it all to end.

I’ve been crying off and on since Friday, despite keeping the TV almost completely dark since the news of the elementary school shooting broke. I check a few news websites, I take a peek at Twitter from time to time. But that’s plenty. Plenty to make my heart and stomach hurt. I couldn’t log on and write some silly story about my kids and make it seem like nothing happened.

I haven’t told my kids, for the record, and I don’t plan to. While I appreciate the value of them hearing about something from me instead of someone else, I’m hedging my bets on them not finding out at all. They’re among the oldest kids in their tiny school, so I’m hoping it won’t filter down to them as it might if there were bigger kids around. I’m keeping NPR off in the car, keeping the TV on Disney if it’s on at all. I’m not letting them see me cry. The general consensus I’ve seen from the various “experts” is that kids under 7 should be sheltered from this if at all possible, and that’s what we’re doing.

I don’t have anything profound to say. No big insights to share, no unique perspective to add to the conversation. I’m just one mom out of so many, whose heart is ripped to shreds by how lucky I am to be able to tuck my kids into bed tonight.

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Categories : Just me

Pajama Paradigm

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (22) · December 10th, 2012

Today’s question: how many times do you wear your pajamas before they go into the laundry?

Growing up, PJs were worn a handful of times before making their way to the hamper. In the morning, mom taught us to tuck them behind a pillow when we made our beds.

Fast forward to having babies of my own, and I very quickly got into the habit of feeding them their first bottle (and, as they got older, breakfast) while still in their jammies. They spit up a ton as infants, so it seemed silly to ruin the day’s outfit that early in the morning. We’d do bottle or breakfast and get changed afterwards. Needless to say, those got messy and went straight to the laundry basket. A second wearing was not even an option.

Even now, the habit has stuck. The kids get dressed before breakfast, but the night’s pajamas go right into the hampers. Even I seldom wear the same pajamas twice anymore – maybe a remnant of the pregnancy and postpartum days when I would get night sweats – I just really prefer fresh clothes out of the drawer. (Or, if we’re being totally honest, out of the other basket with the clean, folded clothes that haven’t been put away yet. Keepin’ it real, people.)

I hadn’t really given this pattern much thought, but my mom ALWAYS comments on it when she spends time with my kids. She can’t believe how many sets of pajamas my kids have (ok, it’s a lot…), or that they won’t wear the same ones twice in a row. While I recognize this as being different than the way we did things at her house, I’m not sure I see it as being quite so noteworthy.

So, dear Internet friends, sound off. How do PJs work in your house? One night and into the wash they go? Or wear ‘em until the end of the week and they can almost stand on their own?

Comments (22)

Categories : Home

Do I get a badge for this?

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (1) · December 8th, 2012

The alarm went off at 4:45 this morning. We were in the car at 5:30, headed to the airport in the dark.

This wasn’t my first time flying solo with all three kids, but it remains a major undertaking. Heck, the 5-year-olds are pretty easy. They know what to do, they entertain themselves with books and movies and video games. Ellie, on the other hand, is solidly in my least favorite age for traveling. Big enough that she wants to GO GO GO, but too little to understand why she can’t. And, worst of all, too young to zone out with a movie for an hour.

The good and bad is that she is recovering (slowly) from a stomach bug. So while she was a little grumpy and uncomfortable, she was also sleepy and a bit lethargic. So at least she was content to doze off a few times and otherwise just snuggle.

Honestly, it all went just fine. I happily soaked up the compliments on their behavior from pleasantly-surprised strangers, and we will spend the next few days with salty hair and bare feet.

And then I get to do it all over again on the way home. Way to kill any sense of relaxation I might find on vacation, huh?

Comments (1)

Categories : Travel

Last one

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (15) · November 30th, 2012

A month in haiku.

Strange experiment, but hey,

I hope you liked it.

I’ve done some version of NaBloPoMo several times over the last few years, and I’m never sure quite what I think of the experiment. Certainly I’m glad when it’s done – some days I really don’t have much that I want to say and it feels weird and forced to come up with an excuse to hit “Publish.” It’s not a bad exercise. For one thing, I feel more free to post short snippets instead of necessarily coming up with a longer, more cohesive essay. Little (and sometimes literal) snapshots into our world are kind of fun. On the other hand, I feel like the pressure to come up with something before midnight each night means I am actually less likely to write about the bigger topics that are on my mind.

What do you guys think? Is it something worth doing? Something you enjoy reading? I don’t notice any obvious changes in traffic or comments, so I don’t think that’s a helpful indicator of whether this is resonating with anyone or not. Would you want me to try to post, say, every weekday? Or would you rather I stick with my current every-now-and-again, when-I-really-have-something-to-say, frequency and not clog up your feed readers?

One way or another, thanks to all of you for reading, and thanks even more for when you leave a comment. It really does make my day when I get to tell you about these three jokers and you tell me that it meant something to you, or made you laugh, or anything else. You guys are awesome.

And I promise to lay off the haiku for a while.

Comments (15)

Categories : Blogging, Just me