In-laws | Goddess in Progress

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Leave ‘em wanting more

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (6)· June 6th, 2009

That’s the rule of a good party, right? It should end while people are still having a good time, leave them happily wishing there were more. I think it might be the rule for visitors, too.

I have often quietly bemoaned the brevity of my parents’ visits. My dad usually comes for a 3-day weekend. Maybe my mom will stay 4 or 5 days, but at least one or two of those are spent with her sister in another town, not with me. That always seemed so pitifully short, when they only see the kiddos (not to mention me) a few times a year.

Now, I think maybe that’s the way to go.

My in-laws were in town for a week and a half, and they spent a large portion of nearly every day here at my house (they stayed at a nearby hotel, not enough beds in my house for everyone). That’s a lot of time to have other people in your space. Especially when they aren’t my parents. You guys know how it is. Even with the very best of in-laws, it’s still… a thing.

There were some additional stressors during this trip, the details of which are unimportant to this story except to know that no one was completely relaxed or at ease. And as wonderful as it was to have our weekend away, and as well as the kids did while we were gone (quite well, indeed), we may have suffered some repercussions. Specifically, Rebecca developed a bit of an aversion to my mother-in-law, I’m certain because she now associates her with me and M going away. Understandable behavior for a toddler, but still unfortunate and somewhat hurtful to my mother-in-law.

Anyways, away they flew home this morning. I’m glad they got to come and visit the kids, I’m glad the kids got to play with them.

And I’m glad that I get to go back to being alone most of the day with two toddlers. What does that say about this past week?

Comments (6)

Categories : Family, Travel

Tags : in-laws

Happy Thursday – Warmer Weather Ahead

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (6)· February 5th, 2009

It’s Happy Thursday, everyone! There really is something to celebrating the day-before-the-day-before the weekend, isn’t there? Makes it feel like the week is really moving.

Anyways, what are you thinking about this Happy Thursday? Something great going on? Looking forward to something fun? Or are you just glad this godforsaken week is nearly over? Grab the Walter button, add your link to Mr. Linky, and link back here!

For me, I’m feeling a bit mixed, because we’re leaving for Florida tomorrow night?

I know, woe is me, right? Who in their right mind would complain about leaving New England for Florida, especially in February? And in some ways, I’m really looking forward to it. My in-laws last night apologized because it’s been kind of “chilly” down there. Yeah, like 65. Please. It’s NINE fricking degrees this morning, with a below-zero windchill. There’s a foot of crusty old snow out in my yard and where the sidewalks should be. I’m assuming they’re still there, but I haven’t seen them in at least a month. It’s treacherous and slippery, and every time we get a few more inches, it’s harder to shovel because of all the crap underneath. I can’t let the kids play outside, because there’s no way they could walk. Hell, I can hardly let them walk to the car by themselves. Too much ice. So, yay for temperatures well above freezing! We get to play outside without jackets! There will be moisture in the air, so maybe their dry little cheeks won’t be so chapped! Green grass! The pool! The beach! Hooray!

On the other hand… I’m still burned out from our long trip to Chicago in December. I’m not looking forward to the plane. I’m not looking forward to trying to find some arrangement for the kids to sleep. I don’t want to be out of my own space for a week, sleeping on an uncomfortable guest bed. Half the week will be staying at my in-laws’ place, half with my mom. We all know that can have its good and bad parts.

On balance, of course, I’m sure it will be lots of fun. And just plain nice to be away from jackets and hats and boots for a week. But travel is always stressful, and I have a lot of packing and details to figure out. So, that’s why I’m feeling a little ambivalent this Happy Thursday. I guess I’m just looking forward to waking up in the warmth on Saturday morning!

And, if nothing else… it sure will be different than our trip last year, when the kids were only five months old.

Comments (6)

Categories : Family, Toddlers, Travel

Tags : Florida, Happy Thursday, in-laws

Off we go, again

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (7)· April 10th, 2008

We leave for Florida tomorrow, for an early Passover visit with M’s family. Weather should be nice, family is super excited to see the babies. But I cannot lie. We haven’t even left yet, and already I’m exhausted.

All of this travel is killing me. This is our fourth round-trip with the kids. We’ve gone somewhere nearly every month since Christmas. It’s draining, physically, emotionally, and financially. Yes, we’re fortunate, we can technically afford the plane tickets. But that doesn’t mean I’m exactly happy to spend all of that money.

This is sort of one of those times I really wish I only had one kid. Not that I’d give up either of mine, obviously, but I can dream of how my life would be comparatively much easier with only one. I’d be more willing to travel with one kid as a lap infant, and not have to pay for an extra seat. I’d be more willing to travel by myself, which is a pretty unrealistic option with two. If I could travel by myself, I wouldn’t have to be tied to M’s vacation time, and we wouldn’t be spending a paltry 48 hours in Florida this weekend.

This is also when I feel more and more like I wish I lived in Chicago. I wrote about this on How Do You Do It? earlier this week, and it’s still very much on my mind. When we have these small windows of time with one branch or another of the family, there is a lot of pressure to “make the most of it.” Cram in as many events, “firsts,” people, and places as possible. We really have three sets of grandparents: M’s parents, my mom (& stepdad), and my dad (& stepmom). Attempting to see all three with any degree of frequency, and attempting to devote “equal time” to all, and suddenly we’re constantly on a plane. And none of these three tend to particularly overlap socially, even when they occasionally overlap geographically. So everyone is sort of protective of “their” time.

Except that, for instance, my mom will be in Florida while we’re there this weekend. About an hour away from my in-laws. Not surprisingly, she very much wants to come see the babies. With my stepdad. And my grandmother. And my aunt & uncle. I’m torn, and feeling a lot of competing pressures. On the one hand, I obviously want my mom (and everyone else) to be able to see the kids. Mom, stepdad, and grandmother haven’t seen them since our last trip to Florida, and aunt & uncle haven’t even met them yet. On the other hand, we’ve only got a very short period of time with M’s family, including his grandmother, who is getting pretty old and is not in the greatest health. Do I tell my family that, no, they can’t come see the kids? How could I do that? But do I intrude on M’s family’s time with the kids? I don’t want to do that, either.

And so, you can see why I was very nearly in tears just thinking about it this afternoon.

This is also why I wish I lived in Chicago, near the vast majority of my family. Then, I wouldn’t have to cram everything into these tiny windows of time. We could have people over for dinner one night, go spend a day at grandma’s some other time, etc. We could take a trip to Florida to see M’s family, and not have to split it with other people, or use his one remaining vacation day to do it (he’d have plenty if we didn’t have all of that other family we had to travel to see!). We wouldn’t have to (as my mom did at Christmas) host an open house so that the most people could view the babies in the shortest period of time. Three cheers for efficiency?

My sister-in-law is probably right. I probably should work on setting limits and absolving myself of much of the responsibility of ensuring that everyone gets their “fair share” of the kids. That sounds like the right thing to do. Except that, after 20 years of doing the divorced-parent time-share dance, and then the last 7 years of adding another family to the mix… I just don’t see that happening any time soon. I can say that everyone should come here more often, and that’s true. And I think that will happen… except it can’t really happen with M’s family, what with his grandmother’s health and all.

But alas, no more time for the pity party this evening. There’s laundry to be done and bags to be packed, and an early-morning flight to catch. It’s questionable as to whether I’ll have much by way of time on the computer this weekend (remember, lots to cram into a short period of time!!!), so I’ll catch you all on the flipside. Have a great weekend, everyone!

Comments (7)

Categories : Family, Infants, Travel

Tags : divorced parents, Florida, in-laws

Coming Home

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (4)· February 2nd, 2008

Well hello there! Long time no… see? Anyways, I’m here on my last morning in Florida, packed and very much ready to return home. I’ll miss the warmth, but I can’t wait to be back in my own space. Not to mention back with M, who went home on Monday while I stayed for the week. We all miss Daddy.

Anyways, a few notes from our trip for your reading enjoyment.

Sleep: Awful to almost awesome
Our first day here, I really wasn’t sure I’d make it. We had an early morning flight, which I thought would be good. And it probably was as good as anything, but it kicked off a day in which neither child seemed to nap AT ALL. By the end of the day, Rebecca was more hysterical than I’ve ever seen her, even in the tub, which usually works magic. They were restless all night long, and Daniel ended up in the swing for the majority of the night. The only thought that kept running through my head was: “this was a bad idea.”
It stayed mediocre at best for several more nights at my in-laws’. It was a new space, different cribs, a very echo-y room… not good times for anyone. Then M went home on Monday and I headed to my mom’s place a little further south. A little more fresh air and a clock radio set to static seemed to help. Rebecca had a hard time getting all the way to sleep, but there was slight improvement. I went to the bookstore and picked up Dr. Ferber. The time is rapidly approaching, but that’s another post.
Then they both went back down to one feeding, two nights in a row. And on Thursday night… Daniel slept from 6:30pm until 5:30am. Not so much as a pacifier replacement. Yes, that was a heavenly chorus that you just heard. Rebecca is still somewhat restless (I think needs to ditch the pacifier), but they are oh-so-ready. Awesome.

If you can’t take the heat…
Holy crap. My in-laws are delightful people. But living in Florida and getting older has totally thinned their blood. M’s grandmother graciously let us use her condo for ourselves and the babies. It was like a damn sauna. Hot, stuffy, muggy. It was nearly 80 degrees in there (only 72 outside!). And she kept offering us her electric blanket. I’m not kidding. We finally made the command decision to turn on the a/c the first night (maybe to 74?), and for the rest of the weekend she was freezing anytime she walked into her own place. In the meantime, I’m sweating bullets. And M’s parents’ place was no cooler. Yowza. I was glad to get to my mom’s place at the beach, just for the breeze.

Mr. Gross Motor
Daniel has had several big leaps in gross motor skills while we’ve been down here. Monday afternoon, after being painfully close for several days, he rolled right over from his back to his belly. So proud of himself! Also, while on his tummy, he’s started pushing up with his arms (used to rely mostly on neck and back strength to lift up), and even reaching out to manipulate toys! I sense forward motion is not far away. He has also finally started grabbing his own feet. Again, he’s been close for a while. But now he figured it out, and he just can’t stop. Too much fun.
And, in late-breaking news, Rebecca decided not to let him have all the fun. After being in the same “I could roll over at any moment” position since THANKSGIVING, she unceremoniously rolled from her back to belly just this morning.

Nice trade
Monday or Tuesday, Daniel was kind enough to give Rebecca his cough, which she’d avoided for over a week. And after finishing her antibiotics on Wednesday, she returned the favor and Daniel woke up with two goopy, crusty eyes on Thursday morning. How nice. Good thing the pediatrician made sure to prescribe me extra medicine.

The Pool!
Every day at my mom’s place, we took the kids in the pool. Too much fun! I’ll post pictures of them in adorable swimsuits and hats (and other pics) when I get home. Rebecca, like many things, was uncertain at first. Eventually she decided it was, at best, acceptable. Daniel, on the other hand, was splashing around within five minutes. He loved going back and forth across the pool with my mom, chasing after a ball. It was really great just to get all of that fresh air.

Help, I need somebody
I must admit, any complicated family relationships aside, it was delightful to have all of the extra hands. Especially once M had to go home (so sad!). M’s parents were great, had a wonderful time with the kids, and we even got to go out to lunch on our own. And then, while at the beach, my mom and stepdad came over every morning around 7 or 7:30 and took the kids and the strollers. They went visiting great-grandmothers, went for walks along the beach, and had a delightful time. And I got to NAP! Wahoo!
And now, back at M’s parents’ place, my mother-in-law is being kind enough to fly back to Boston with me. Certainly, she also gets some extra baby time out of the deal, but she’s flying back after only one night. A wonderful thing for her to do, just so I don’t have to fly with two babies on my own.

Anywho, that’s most of the updates from down south. In the end, a good trip (as all you parents know, once there are kids in the picture, it’s not a vacation anymore, it’s a trip). Grandparents and great-grandparents got to visit with the babies, who were of course a huge hit. We all got a break from the cold and snow, into the fresh air and sun. It wasn’t easy, but eventually things settled down. Hopefully today’s plane ride will be uneventful and the kids will have an easier time re-adjusting to being home.

Coming up…
-Introducing Dr. Ferber
-Six month birthday and pediatrician visit
-Pictures, pictures, and more pictures!

Comments (4)

Categories : Child Development, Family, Illness and Injury, Infants, Sleep, Travel

Tags : Florida, Gross motor, in-laws, Mom, Overnight

Panic!

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (3)· January 17th, 2008

It snuck up on me. It shouldn’t have, as I was the one who made the plans in the first place, but suddenly it approaches. We’re leaving for Florida at the end of next week.

Oh, I know, poor me leaving cold and snowy New England for the sun and beach. Believe me, I’m looking forward to wearing fewer layers. But I’m suddenly freaking out for two reasons. The first is obviously traveling with the babies (no, we aren’t flying at bedtime, thank you). Nervous about the flights, frantically making lists of things to bring and things to buy. We’re going down to see M’s family, who lives there. But I’m actually staying longer so that I can hang out with my mom at her condo in the same general area. The good part about this is that we can potentially buy things and leave them down there, if not for our own future use, at least for someone’s. The bad part is, well, buying stuff. I don’t want to spend a ton of money on things that will only be used for a week. Anyways, I’m poking around Amazon.com and Craigslist, and even sent emails to some MOT clubs in Florida. We’ll see.

The other major reason I’m freaking out is the sudden realization that I have to pack for myself. Um, can you say, oh crap? If I already thought I had very few clothes that fit, and I’ve vowed not to wear maternity clothes out of the house anymore, you can just imagine what the warm-weather clothing situation must be like. Let’s just say, it’s not good. So now I’m on Old Navy, Lane Bryant, and Lands’ End, searching for shorts and t-shirts. And… oh my god… a swimsuit. I’m starting to feel faint. I mean, I’m looking forward to taking my kids for a dip in the pool, but does that really mean I have to don swimwear in a semi-public place? Oh dear. Maybe I’ll be the designated photographer. I can already hear my mom’s less-than-subtle questions about Weight Watchers. (No, I haven’t started yet. Yes, I’m going to.) Good times…

I do think it will be a nice visit, and I’m looking forward to temperatures in the 70s, to be sure. But for the moment… good lord, I have a lot of lists to make.

Comments (3)

Categories : Family, Travel

Tags : clothing, Florida, in-laws, packing

Happy Hannukah

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (1)· December 10th, 2007

Any internal conflicts aside, we had a lovely weekend with my in-laws visiting. My mother-in-law was here about a month ago, but M’s dad had not seen the babies (or us, but that’s not the point) since mid-September. When he last saw them at barely six weeks old, he was somewhat standoffish. I wondered why he came all the way from Florida to not hold his new grandchildren. Come to find out he was a little scared by their small size. Newborns can look so fragile if you aren’t used to them, and my kids were pretty tiny at the time (well, Rebecca was, anyways). This time, however, he was positively delighted. The kiddos did well, handing out smiles and squeals and eye contact left and right. They put on a good show. The extra stimulation kind of messed with their eating and sleeping, but overall they were great.

I even made them stay up an extra few minutes after bathtime so we could light their first Hannukah candles. They were quite sleepy, I must say. Afterwards, they went straight to bed and the rest of us enjoyed a Hannukah/M’s birthday celebration.

Comments (1)

Categories : Family, Holidays, Infants

Tags : Hannukah, in-laws

Family Weekend

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (2)· March 30th, 2007

After yesterday’s ultrasound excitement, it’s time to get away!

The hubby and I are headed to Florida tomorrow morning (with the pooch stowed under the seat in front of us) to visit family. We’re mainly going to see his family to celebrate Passover, which starts Monday evening. But as good luck would have it, my mom and a few other family members will also be in Florida, about an hour away, so hopefully I’ll manage to see everyone.

My family balancing act has always been tricky, but naturally even more so since I got married. My parents got divorced when I was about seven, and both remarried. I’ve been doing the joint custody thing for more than twenty years now. Thankfully, there was minimal drama associated with all of this through the years, but it isn’t always easy.

For instance, both of my parents still live in the same town as each other, the same town I grew up in (and was born in!). This is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, it made it easy as a kid, because there was no confusion regarding whether or not I had to change schools. If I forgot something at one house, I popped over and got it, especially once I could drive. I generally split the week between parents, so there were no long stints of not seeing one or the other. Now that I’m older, though, it’s both good and bad. When I go home to visit a few times a year, though it’s nice that I get to see both sets of parents, I also feel a bit of pressure to make my visits roughly “equal” or “fair.” This isn’t out of direct pressure from either of my parents, but something I’ve pretty much internalized over the years.

Now, add another set of parents to the mix! My in-laws currently live in Florida. My husband is lucky that his parents never divorced, but that also means he never quite learned the balancing act, and is therefore a little less sensitive to it. Me, on the other hand? I feel like my time, which was once split in half, is now sort of split in thirds. Add that to the fact that my parents (for various reasons) are a lot more likely to travel than his, and therefore end up visiting us sometimes. My in-laws are wonderful people who have been very welcoming in bringing me into their family. But it’s not without its stresses.

And for the cherry on top, we are currently cooking the first grandchildren for ALL sets of parents. They are all beside themselves with excitement, which is great. But the fact remains that they all live at least 1000 miles away from us. They will all want to come visit when the babies are born, and we certainly want them all to come. All six at once, though? That might just make my head explode. Don’t get me wrong, my parents and step-parents get along reasonably well and are always very nice to each other. My in-laws have met my parents a very few number of times, but everyone involved is friendly, so that’s not really a problem. But that doesn’t stop the balancing act. It just brings it into my living room. We’ve already tried to suggest that we try to alternate visitors so we don’t have too many people here at once, and have also introduced the idea that we do *not* want people staying at our house. We’ll see what happens when reality hits.

So, for this weekend, a mini-balance. We fly out tomorrow morning and will spend the bulk of the weekend with my in-laws, but will hopefully also get a little time with my mom and that side of the family. I’m not sure it’ll be a restful weekend, but it might be fun anyways. If nothing else, we can all take a field trip to Babies R Us and start a registry. The twins at least gives everyone a common thread.

Now, if I could just find a pair of maternity shorts…

Comments (2)

Categories : Family, Travel

Tags : divorced parents, in-laws, Passover