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Sugar sugar buzz buzz buzz

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (2)·   November 1st, 2012

I do not envy

the kindergarten teachers

on November first.

DSC_0498

Halloween was a hit. Daniel loved his handmade Jedi Luke Skywalker costume, Rebecca loved her Tiana dress, and Ellie could have cared less about the elephant costume I borrowed from a friend, and MOST DEFINITELY was not going to put the hat/hood part on, thankyouverymuch.

Jedi Knight Daniel

Becca as Tiana

Ellie the Elephant

And here it is, November. Already! Ack!

It’s NaBloPoMo, and I think I’m going to try something a little silly. Instead of the pressure to do a Real Blog Post every single day, I’m going to make it a goal to post a haiku. Yes. A haiku. Because they crack me up. Maybe it’s all the Kit Kats talking, but there you have it. Sometimes the haiku will be accompanied by an actual post, sometimes some pictures. But I make no promises other than 17 syllables.

Please, feel free to comment in the poetic style of your choice.

Halloween 2012

I’m probably going to regret this when I come down from my sugar high, huh?

Halloween girls

Comments (2)
Categories : Holidays
Tags : haiku, Halloween, NaBloPoMo

How I know I’m done

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (18)·   November 30th, 2011

My period was late this month.

(Oh, sorry, did I forget the TMI warning? Oh well.)

Well, I think it was. Truth is, I haven’t been paying terribly close attention. I make a general mental note of when it shows up, and roughly when I expect it to show up again, and then don’t give it tons of thought.

Then my PMS symptoms showed up, a bit earlier than I expected them to, but OK. And then… nothing. Nothing happened. And my PMS symptoms are alarmingly similar to my early-pregnancy symptoms.  For two weeks, I freaked right the hell out. I tried to pretend like I wasn’t. I tried to act like it was just a mild curiosity, but really no big deal at all.  But I was straight-up freaking out.

I’d say about 95% of me wanted to curl up and hide at the idea of adding another kid to our family.  Most days, I feel like I more-or-less have my act together, but it’s an incredibly delicate balance. The “barely controlled” part can fall off of the “chaos” at any moment, and frequently does. To paraphrase something M said to me, the water is high enough that I already feel like I could use a snorkel. The idea of piling more on… just gives me heart palpitations.

Sure, there was the 5% of me that knows I’ll just deal with whatever is thrown my way. That if there was an “oops,” we’d love that part of our family just as much as the rest.  That I’d get over it and get excited.

But when I finally dared to pee on a stick and it was resoundingly negative? Oh, I almost fainted from relief.  And two days later, when that dang period finally showed up, I thanked my lucky stars.  There was no ambiguity, this was very very good news.

Yes, this anxiety is very much of my own creation, since I’m the one who has vowed never to take hormonal birth control again. I took it with great success for the better part of a decade. But having tried both an IUD and the pill post-babies, I now find the hormones turn me into a crazy person with serious anger issues, so no more.  There are… ahem… other preventative measures in play, but I know perfectly well that almost nothing has a 100% success rate. So I’m perpetually a little nervous. I’m working getting M in for the service disconnect (his words!), but he is somewhat understandably dragging his feet on that whole “putting your junk under the knife” thing.

Regardless, having mentally lived with the idea of a fourth kid for a terrifying week or two has pretty much removed the last shred of doubt from my mind. NO NO NO. Not that I was seriously considering it. I mean, really, the first time we rolled the dice, we had spontaneous fraternal twins. The second, we got the Magical Mystery Patient.  Yeah, I’d say we’re done taking our chances.

I adore all of my kids to pieces, I am grateful for them. I really do love being their mom, even if it is often exhausting and stressful.  I wouldn’t trade them for anything, they are amazing.  But yeah. We’re done. Shop’s closed.

Snip snip, honey. Snip snip.

Comments (18)
Categories : Freakin' out, Just me
Tags : birth control, NaBloPoMo

Holiday Card Outtakes

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (9)·   November 29th, 2011

I have a thing about holiday cards.  I want the photos to be just so.  I think because I know I’m capable of taking pretty good pictures of my kids, I want to get REALLY GREAT ones for the holiday card.  I also have this weird insistence that they be really current. I don’t like using pictures from our summer vacation, I want them to be as close to the actual holiday as possible. I don’t know why I’m so fixated on it, but there you have it.

So fixated, in fact, that I never even made or sent cards last year. I was pregnant, I was grumpy, I was tired, and it just never happened.  I didn’t want that to be the case two years in a row.

I also harbor some guilt about the fact that I never sent a birth announcement for Ellie. Part of me thinks birth announcements are a little ridiculous in this day and age – as though ANYONE I would have sent the card to wasn’t aware of her existence within hours of her arrival.  And yet, I had meant to… and then that didn’t happen, either.

So, here we are. Holiday card time.  Photo pressure time.  I wanted to try something at least a little bit fun and creative, even though M rolled his eyes at the idea, so I bought a couple of accessories at Target and set up my sheet-on-a-bench outdoor photo studio.

I didn’t hit on quite the same magic as the last time I tried it, but I think I got some card-worthy shots.  I’ll post the card later, but for now, here’s a few that didn’t make the final cut.

Holiday Card Outtakes

Holiday Card Outtakes

Holiday Card Outtakes

Holiday Card Outtakes

Comments (9)
Categories : Holidays, Photos
Tags : NaBloPoMo

Ellie, 9 months

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (10)·   November 28th, 2011

I have a particular gift for dates. I can remember the date I saw U2 when I was a freshman in high school, the date of my college graduation, and plenty of other random things. I remember a lot of birthdays. Well, sort of. I can tell you someone’s birthday, no problem. I remember the several days ahead of time that it’s coming.  And then the actual day arrives and I completely forget until two or three days later.  Such was Ellie’s nine-month birthday. Totally knew it was coming, totally forgot on the day of (last Friday, for the record).

Anyways, my sweet girl is now nine whole months old. Three-quarters of the way to her first birthday. We’ve just had her nine-month pediatrician visit and her semi-annual Early Intervention evaluation, so I’ve got a pretty good picture of where she stands.

Nine Months

As for the vitals, she’s about 17lb12oz, and 25.5″. That remains a perfectly average weight and a WAY BELOW AVERAGE length. Short and squishy, that’s my girl.  Lucky thing got four shots this morning. It was supposed to be three, but the ancient pediatrician accidentally gave her HepA instead of HepB, so she got them both. When is my regular pediatrician coming back from maternity leave, again?!

EI re-evaluates kids every six months to make sure they still qualify for services (the child has to show at least a 30% delay in one or more areas to qualify). Ellie qualifies automatically based on feeding alone.  They scored her at “0 months / newborn” in the area of “self care,” which is entirely feeding at this age.  Frankly, they’d probably give her a negative score if they could. She eats nothing. She wants to eat nothing. She gags on everything. The feeding specialist we see through the hospital is visibly disappointed by her total lack of progress, and has proclaimed Ellie a “tough nut to crack.”

Feeding therapy sucks. I literally dab my pinky finger in the smallest amount of baby food you could imagine, and try to get Ellie to let me put it near her mouth, on her lips, or even just barely inside her mouth. Sometimes it’s borderline acceptable. And then sometimes it touches her tongue the wrong way and we have a two-minute gagging fit. It is so, so demoralizing.  But we have to keep trying to walk the very fine tightrope of gently pushing her to try to get her used it it and to tame the gag reflex, while not going too far or too fast and creating/strengthening an aversion that will set us back several more months. It’s awful. I hate it. Period.

Nine Months

Gross motor skills scored at 5 months. On the one hand, Ellie’s sitting is getting very good. She’s rolling back and forth quite a bit, especially at naptime. She has even (after the evaluation, of course) started to get herself from sitting, down to her belly, then rolled over onto her back. It’s not terribly graceful and usually involves a slow faceplant, but it does seem to be quite intentional.  She still lacks a lot of strength in her arms, and puts very little weight on her legs. Much work yet to be done here.

Nine Months

Fine motor skills were even lower at 3 months. That might be a little low, in my opinion, but regardless, she still needs a lot of work. One problem we’re having is that she is not terribly motivated by toys, so trying to entice her to grab something is very hard. Her own toes? No problem. Your face? For sure. Bright shiny baby toy? Meh.  She is a lot more likely to grab things and play with them if she’s reclined or supported while sitting. When she’s sitting on her own, it seems like she’s using all of her energy to keep upright, nothing left for those little fingers.

Cognition was placed at 7 months, and the evaluator even wondered if it would have been higher if her fine motor skills were better. Some of the things they look for the baby to do to demonstrate understanding involves using their hands to manipulate objects. So it’s not necessarily that Ellie didn’t understand something, but potentially that she just didn’t have the fine motor skills to act on it. Regardless, I’m very happy that she falls with a fairly normal range on this one.

Receptive and expressive language were at 5 and 7 months.  She makes a lot of different sounds, consonants and pitch and range and all of that, which is excellent. She doesn’t consistently respond to her own name, though.

And finally, social and emotional development. Clearly, she is Daniel’s sister – they scored her at 10 months.  I couldn’t tell you exactly what it is she does that makes her a social overachiever, but she is most definitely an interactive baby. She loves to smile at people, loves to have company, loves to be entertained.

Nine Months

Feeding crap aside, I am really happy with all of this. I am especially thrilled that, at least for now, her cognition, language, and social skills are reasonably within the normal range. Every delay has its challenges, for sure. But the fact that she is so sociable, the fact that she seems to be making strides toward communication… well, that makes the rest of it downright bearable if you ask me.  Motor skills I can work with. We can practice, we can strengthen, we can adapt. That spark in the eyes? That seems harder to cultivate, harder to compensate for.

Maybe I’m way off base, I have no idea. All I know is what I’ve got, and I am so glad that my girl has plenty of spark.

Comments (10)
Categories : Birthdays, Child Development, Infants
Tags : cognitive development, developmental delays, Early Intervention, feeding therapy, Fine motor, Gross motor, NaBloPoMo, Social/emotional development

I am le tired

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (3)·   November 26th, 2011

20111126-202820.jpg

Too much fun for one day. Must sleep.

Comments (3)
Categories : Uncategorized
Tags : NaBloPoMo

Race Report

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (15)·   November 25th, 2011

Thanksgiving morning started awfully early. I set my alarm for 5:45, but as always seems to happen when I have an early wake-up call, I was up at 4:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep. I then had the supreme pleasure of waking up everyone else in my family at about 6:15. Believe me, M is absolutely charming at that hour.

Off we drove to the Feaster Five.  We were there bright and early for the 7:45am Kids’ K, which is actually a series of kids’ races broken up by age.  The four-and-under crowd ran 100 yards on a paved track, but they even had a gated chute and a big finish line, so it felt just as “real” as the adult race, not to mention race shirts just like their parents and bibs to pin to the front.

Thanksgiving race

It was a mob scene, so I ran with Rebecca while Daniel zoomed ahead. (Yes, that was me attempting to take photos while jogging. Daniel is in the gray jacket, Rebecca is the pink hood right in front of me.)  They even had a police officer on a motorcycle start them off, and they all got finisher medals at the end.  While it was over practically before it began, they were both very excited to do it and felt like they had a great story to tell.

Thanksgiving Race

At that point, there was still a good half hour until the start of my race, and M had three kids outside in 32-degree weather. He headed back to the car to let everyone warm up and make strategic use of the van’s DVD player. I made my way to the starting area. Holy crap.

Thanksgiving Race

They capped registrations at 10,000 this year. It was an unbelievable mass of people.  But it was a beautiful morning and everyone seemed to be in a great mood. Sunny and clear, cold but not frigid. Perfect running temperature if you ask me – I’d much rather run in 30 degrees than 70. I hung out by the 10-minute-mile pace sign (which is NOT my pace, but the next one after that was walkers, dogs, and strollers), and between smartphones and sheer luck, I actually managed to find the other people I knew running the race.

Thanksgiving Race

When they blew the starting horn, my area of the pack (probably about halfway between the start and the way back of the crowd) barely moved. It took a full five minutes to get across the start, but then the congestion eased up and it wasn’t too mobbed to run.  Oh yes, people were passing me on all sides. But I just trotted along at my pokey pace, reminding myself that it didn’t matter in the slightest what anyone else was doing. The other 9,999 people could do whatever they wanted, I just needed to keep running. My goal: don’t walk. No matter how slow I go, don’t stop.

Thanksgiving Race

Of course, that was immediately put to the test. The second half-mile was a brutal hill. Thankfully, I knew it was coming – I had read about it and had actually driven it a few days earlier when we picked up our race bibs. But holy crap, it was nasty. I arguably could have walked faster than I was “running,” but on I chugged. At the top of the hill, the 5K course split off to the left while the 5-mile course continued straight ahead. Sadly, it did not, then, turn downhill. No, I’m sorry to say that pretty much the entire first half of the race continued to be a gentle uphill. Occasionally flat, but the overall trend was definitely up. As the course took a few turns, I rounded each corner and couldn’t believe it was still an ever-so-slight incline.  But dammit, I was still going.

It was right at about the 2.5-mile mark that it finally, blessedly turned downhill. I let out a very audible “oh thank God!”  My Nike+ app announced the time in my ear every half mile, and I was right around where I wanted to be. Making decent time, even.  Given my pace in previous runs, I guessed my pace would be somewhere between 12:30 and 13:00 per mile – slow as hell, but that’s how I roll.  I really wanted to keep it under 13 and finish in under 1 hour and 6 minutes, but I’d take what I could get.  Thankfully, much of the second half was downhill, and downhill is just free speed.

Around the 3.5 mile point, the course joined back up with the 5K people.  By that time, anyone left on the 5K were walking groups of families and strollers and dogs (it was a very family-friendly race and walkers were welcome), so it was a bit more congested, but not too bad.  Everything was very clearly marked, and the whole race was very nicely organized.  I was in a pretty good groove, no longer having to convince myself to keep going with every.single.step.  I knew the end was in sight.

The final half mile was more crowded – 5K walkers to my left, and long-since-finished runners to my right, walking the other direction to their cars.  But even still, I only had to dodge around a couple of people, nothing problematic. I turned the final corner, and the last tenth-or-so of a mile to the finish line is one final, nasty hill.  But damned if I was stopping now, and I knew my cheering section was waiting for me.  The Nike+ voice chimed in my ear, “five miles, completed. One hour, one minute.”  I couldn’t believe it was even possible.  I saw my family, I gave my kids a high five at the very top of the hill and turned to hit those finish mats.  I hit stop on the app and looked down to see my time.

5.08 miles. One hour, two minutes, forty seconds. Pace: 12:19.

I burst into tears.

Plenty of people would think that was a terrible time. Hell, there wasn’t even a pace group for it at the start – just 10-minute miles and then walkers.  I was something like finisher number 2500 out of 2700 in the five-mile group. WHATEVER. 12:19 is about the best pace I’ve run recently on 2- or 3-mile runs, so the fact that I managed to AVERAGE that pace for FIVE WHOLE MILES, a distance I had never, ever run before… I was so proud of myself, I thought I would burst.

Thanksgiving Race

We don’t stop and say that too often, do we? Admit that we’re proud of ourselves?  I mean, deadly sin and all that.  But this wasn’t a chest-puffing, boasting kind of pride.  This was about the fact that I am not a natural-born runner. I have short legs and am entirely too heavy. I’ve never been an athlete.  But I worked my ass off for this. For the last eight weeks, I have had a training schedule written in my calendar and have followed it as best as I possibly could. I worked for this. I fought for it. I earned it.  And not only did I accomplish it, but I did it even a little better than I thought I would.

By last night, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to walk anymore. I limped up and down the stairs, my left knee and right foot being the biggest complainers.  But the soreness is fading, and the glow of accomplishment is still sticking around. I’m asking what’s next.

I need to sign up for another race. Not because I adore running – I still have to fight for nearly every slow step.  But I need the goal and the deadline to keep me going, because the couch is too tempting.  I’m not going to dramatically up the distance. I’m not ready for that from a fitness standpoint, nor can I commit the amount of time it would take to train.  But I want to keep going. I need to.

It doesn’t matter how slowly I go, only that I do not stop.

Comments (15)
Categories : Holidays, Just me
Tags : Feaster Five, NaBloPoMo, running, Thanksgiving

Awesomesauce

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (2)·   November 24th, 2011

A very satisfying Thanksgiving.

Early-morning running.

Thanksgiving 2011

Wildly successful fried turkey.

Thanksgiving 2011

Good times with good friends.

Thanksgiving 2011

That’s how I like my Thanksgiving.

Comments (2)
Categories : Holidays
Tags : NaBloPoMo, Thanksgiving

Thankful

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (5)·   November 23rd, 2011

It’s been a hell of a year, frankly. I won’t be sad to see it go. But as much stress as it has brought, there is no mistaking that I am fortunate beyond measure. A woefully incomplete list, I am grateful for:

M
All three of my amazing kids
A comfortable house
Good food on our table
Never having to worry about life’s necessities
Being able to splurge from time to time
World-class hospitals
Excellent health insurance
Fellow twin moms
The internet
Fabric
Sushi
Chocolate
Preschool teachers
Physical therapists
Stuffed spinach pizza
M’s job, which enables me to stay home with our kids
The child-watch room at the gym

I could go on and on. It’s an embarrassment of riches. I wish everyone could make this kind of list.

I get frustrated, I wish I could change things, I throw pity parties.  But the truth is, I am so very lucky.

Thanks to all of you for being here, and thanks for your emails and comments. I love every single one of them.

Happy Thanksgiving.

threeintheleaves-bw

Comments (5)
Categories : Holidays
Tags : NaBloPoMo, Thanksgiving

Of course

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (4)·   November 22nd, 2011

I was finally going to write a post about how much feeding therapy sucks.

But right now, I’ve got two kids on antibiotics and a third that probably should be.  And me… well…. I feel kind of funny. My face feels kind of warm.  If I could stay healthy by sheer force of will, I’d be all set. Sadly, I will probably be at the Minute Clinic when it opens at 8AM tomorrow.

One of these days, I will bore you with all of the demoralizing details of feeding therapy with a seriously orally-averse baby.

But for tonight, you get Glow Tub. Brought to you by Coolest Dad, Ever.

All hail M, who took a sick day from work to help shuttle all of this nonsense around (did I mention that Ellie already had two appointments today before we decided the big kids needed to see the pediatrician?).  Without him, it would have been a complete shit-show.

To bed, where I will dream about NOT BEING SICK, GOD DAMMIT.

Comments (4)
Categories : Illness and Injury
Tags : NaBloPoMo

A list within a list

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (2)·   November 21st, 2011

On an average week, I feel like I’m just barely keeping up. Plenty of balls being juggled in the air, but always at least one on the ground, rolling away.  This is a week that feels even a little crazier, more frantic, more likely to fall apart.

The big kids only have school on Monday and Tuesday, because of course the preschool teachers need a staff day on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  Ellie has three appointments in two days. I need to keep moving in my training program so I don’t die when attempting to run five miles on Thursday morning.  And in the meantime, I have to sufficiently de-clutter my house so that there will be room for all sixteen of us to sit down for Thanksgiving dinner.  And did I mention the brining and the roasting and the baking?  Oh, and the dog needs a bath.

This week, each day requires it’s own lengthy and time-sensitive to-do list.  When to pick up my race bib and shop for groceries. When to pick up the big kids from preschool and when to take Ellie to physical therapy. When to put the turkey in the brine and prep the green beans. When to do yoga and when to run.  It can be done, but I really need to stay on top of things.

Thanksgiving groceries

Naturally, after we got home from dance class tonight, Rebecca started weeping and shivering and saying that it hurts when she swallows. Her 10-day course of antibiotics finished yesterday.  Tomorrow, we’ll be back at the pediatrician, and I suspect we will hear that the strep is back.

Of course it is.

Comments (2)
Categories : Holidays, Illness and Injury, Preschoolers
Tags : NaBloPoMo, strep throat, Thanksgiving
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