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Taking control

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (23)· April 3rd, 2011

A huge part of my life is outside of my control right now. I can’t actively do anything to get Eleanor home any faster. Any progress she makes, or setbacks she has, are her own. The conditions of her release from the hospital, and the timeline for that release, are not up to me. We are really no closer to any kind of diagnosis for her, nor do I have any kind of prognosis for what her (and, by extension, my) life will be like as she grows.

Life is, in large part, on hold. Friends and family are starting to talk summer plans, and I don’t feel like I have any idea what to put on the schedule, or what kinds of commitments I can make. It’s frustrating, for a planner like me. It’s hard not to have any idea what’s coming in the next few months, or what my constraints will be.

For now, we have a tentative, temporary “normal.” Ellie was transferred back to our local hospital to wait out the next few weeks before she has another swallow study downtown. The transit time for visiting her is a fraction of the commute we’ve had for the last few weeks, which opens up quite a bit more flexibility in my day (well, around pumping and visiting and preschool and naps… it’s all relative).

So, dammit, I am going to exercise. I jumped back on the Shredheads bandwagon and am doing the April Ripped in 30 Challenge. I snapped my (fairly horrifying) before pictures, I stepped on the scale. Yes, I’m only five weeks postpartum. But I have been itching to get back to real exercise for my entire pregnancy. I waited two years last time. Not again. After two days, my legs are so sore I can barely walk up the stairs. But it will get better.

I also went to a local running store and got fitted for a new pair of shoes. Couch-to-5K, I am coming back. I want to run a 5K this summer, and my big goal is to run a 10K in October.

I know plenty of you are rolling your eyes and shaking your head and calling me insane. It’s true. I probably am, a little. But this is one of the few areas of my life where I can grab hold and take control. I want this. I want it badly. I need to get physically strong again. I need it for me, and I need to be that person for my kids.

Bring it.

Comments (23)

Categories : Hospital, Just me

Tags : couch to 5k, exercise, Jillian Michaels, NICU, Ripped in 30, running, Shredheads

Stalled

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (10)· April 1st, 2010

You guys were so incredibly nice to me when I posted my big weight-loss success back in January, I thought it would be good to give you an update on my progress since then.

And, by progress, I mean total lack thereof.

Sigh.

Since early February, I have been going down and up the same two or three pounds. Thankfully, I have yet to climb back into the hated 200s. But I haven’t broken through 196, either. I have my exercise to thank and my eating to blame.

Exercise has been going reasonably well. After some significant leg pain the few weeks leading up to and during my race, I checked myself into Physical Therapy and am off the pavement for a few more weeks. But I started a swimming class and got a babysitter, so I’m swimming laps and have started taking Spinning classes for the first time in about six years. I’m working out with reasonable frequency and intensity.

And that’s the only reason I haven’t shot back up. My eating has been rotten for the last two months. I could say it started with the stress (and constant presence of M&Ms) of potty training, and that’s part of it. But I also was taking things for granted before that, not counting as carefully, “getting away with” one cheat after another. And so, it caught up with me.

The pounds aren’t piling back on, but I can tell I’m on a slippery slope. The new jeans are a little tighter than I’d like, the eating out is getting more careless. A little less exercise, and the balance will quickly tip in the wrong direction.

So, today I am trying to re-commit and get back on track with my weight loss. Bill wrote a post on the Shredheads blog yesterday that he may has well have plucked directly from my head. And today began the April Challenge – track your food.

It’s a little tricky, with my food already weirdly restricted by Passover, but I’m going to do my best. As of today, my biggest focus is re-upping my water intake and re-committing to my no-eating-after-8PM rule. I will track my food the best I can, though I’m giving myself a bit of leeway while Passover is going on. Either way, as we all know, the biggest difference is a real awareness of what you’re putting in your mouth, instead of mindless eating and snacking.

So far this morning, I’ve consumed 3 points (I get 25) and drank 24 ounces of water. How do I feel? Well, kinda crappy, as you do when you start restricting again. But it’s good.

Break time is over, let’s do this.

Comments (10)

Categories : Just me

Tags : Shredheads, weight gain, weight loss, weight watchers

Don’t call it a resolution

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (20)· January 2nd, 2010

It was over four months ago that I began my most recent battle of the bulge. First, it was a wager among friends as to who could lose the most weight in a month. I won (though I have yet to cash in my prize – dinner on them). Then, a slightly larger competition amongst other blogging types, Biggest Loser rules (% of weight lost in 6 weeks). I came in second.

And then, in October, I became a Shredhead. In addition to the ass-kicking provided by Jillian, I found a great support system via Twitter, and that has really helped carry me and push me throughout the fall. Exercise became a routine. Weekly weight loss became the norm. If it weren’t for that pesky 2 weeks in Chicago, I might have even made my weight loss goal (I’m close, just a few weeks later than I hoped).

I’ve started to get into a rut, though. A little bored with my exercise routine. A lot of Shredheads, I noticed, took up running. Oy, running. I have always hated it. I have always sucked at it. I’ve even tried the Couch-to-5K (C25K) program once or twice, and failed miserably. I’m not sure I made it to the second week.

But that Jillian, she gets into your head. While still overweight, I’m getting a lot more fit. I started to think about running again. A 5K is 3.1 miles. I can do that. I can do that. So I decided to shake it up and do the C25K again. Treadmill, this time, to control my pace. Not that I planned on becoming a runner, but more as a straight physical accomplishment. Something I should be able to do. Something I will do.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I do better if I have a goal in mind. A fixed point towards which to move. Clearly, I need a race. One in the vicinity of the end of this training program. Except, well, how many 5Ks are there in Massachusetts in March? Seriously, it could be 75 or it could be a blizzard, there’s just no telling.

Enter the Shredheads, several of whom are running the Disney Princess Half Marathon in March. In Orlando. Oh… would you look at that… there’s also a 5K as a part of those festivities! Florida in March is nice, not cold but not too warm…. And would you believe it, kids under 3 don’t need a ticket to get into the parks…?

Last night, I signed up.

I don’t yet know how exactly we’re getting there, where we’ll stay, or any of those other pesky details.

But I signed up for a 5K. In Disney World. On March 6. Nine weeks from today.

I’m on week 4 of C25K, and that five whole minutes of running is kicking my ass. Did I mention that there was ONE time, in high school, that I ran a whole mile? ONE TIME. EVER.

I have lost my mind. But, hey, I’ve also lost nearly all of my baby weight. Might be an acceptable trade off.

Comments (20)

Categories : Just me

Tags : 5K, Disney Princess Half Marathon, disney world, exercise, running, Shredheads, weight loss

Not Hungry

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (10)· November 2nd, 2009

October is done, which means that the October Shredheads Challenge is complete. I have to say, I’m pretty proud of myself! With pretty much only a single exception, I stuck to my plan of doing the Shred 3x/week, and going to the gym 2x/week. I did pretty well on my food/Points, too.** The end result in numerical terms is that I’m down 5.5 pounds from October 1-31, for a total of 15 pounds overall. Only about 11 more pounds to go on my end-of-the-year pre-pregnancy weight goal. Woot!

The big asterisks on that one was our weekend away. The food was a total disaster because I made virtually no effort to stick with the plan and just ate whatever the hell I wanted. The payback was a pound and a half gain. Boo! It was also surprisingly difficult to get back with the program after I got home. I was feeling pretty defeated for a few days last week. I think the big difference was that I went whole hog off the wagon that weekend. Other days that I’ve allowed myself indulgences, they were pretty limited. Maybe a single bad day, or single bad meal, but otherwise I was pretty good. Last weekend, it was a free-for-all, and I paid for it. Thankfully, I found my way back to the plan and have erased the gain.

I have noticed something very interesting recently, with regard to eating. We were taking the kids out for lunch at a nearby Tex-Mex restaurant (not a good diet choice, of course, but I survived). As I was sitting on my hands and biting my lip to avoid the bowl of chips, I started to say, “but I’m just so huuungry!” And then I stopped halfway through my whine and realized that it simply wasn’t true. I wasn’t hungry. I’m just not really that hungry anymore.

Obviously, I get hungry. But not as often as I think I will. Not as badly as when I first started counting my points (when all you can think about is how fricking hungry you are). And most of the time, when I start to have the thought I’m hungry, I’m actually not. I’m munchy. I want. But that’s not the same as being hungry.

And that, I suppose, is where the larger struggle actually lies. The hard part of sticking with a weight loss plan is not hunger. It’s those munchy, snacky, WANT feelings that got you to this point in the first place.

So, I will continue to fight the good fight. Drink more water to stave off the munchies. Exercise or sew or catch up on the DVR instead of eating. Exercise some more. And exercise a little more after that. There is much more work to be done.

Comments (10)

Categories : Just me

Tags : 30-Day Shred, Shredheads, weight loss, weight watchers

A Goal and a Plan

By Goddess in Progress · Comments (6)· October 1st, 2009

First of all, might I mention that I have a guest post up at Loser Moms? It’s about my first attempt at the 30-Day Shred DVD, and how it almost killed me.

My efforts at weight loss and getting in shape are going well, even if I sometimes wish it would go faster. But I have set myself some medium- and long-term goals that I think will be a challenge but are realistically doable. The first goal is to lose my remaining 16 pounds of post-pregnancy weight by Christmas. It’s a mental milestone for me, as it was just after Christmas, three years ago, that I learned I was pregnant (and, thus, when the “baby weight” ticker started going up). It’s not a given that I’ll achieve it, but it can be done. For extra motivation, I know my dad wants to hire a photographer for a new above-the-mantel family portrait while we’re all in Chicago for the holidays. I don’t want to be embarrassed every time I see that picture for the next 5+ years.

My long-term goal for weight loss is to get to my wedding weight. Before you scoff, I assure you that I was not a skinny little thing that day. I was still technically overweight, and I was wearing a size 12 (I think I had one or two pairs of pants in a 10, which I was very psyched about). Anyways, that number is 35 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. So 2010 is all about that 35 pounds.

As for sticking with the program, I am finding the mob mentality group support and competition to be a helpful external motivator. I believe I was the winner for our 30-day mini-Biggest-Loser challenge among friends, and the Loser Moms competition still has two more weeks remaining (no idea how I compare to other participants, but it helps motivate me to think that I have a shot at winning…). And as I was thinking about jumping on the Shredhead bandwagon, anyways, I was eager to join their October challenge. The framework is broad, just do the Shred regularly, try to eat well, and see results! So, here’s my plan:

For food, I am continuing on Weight Watchers. The points have never done me wrong, so I’m sticking with what works for me. I will also continue my “no eating after 8PM” rule. Just having that self-created rule in the back of my head really helps to curb the all-night grazing that I am otherwise tempted to do.

For exercise, the main thrust of the October Shredheads Challenge, my plan is this:

Tuesday & Thursday is gym day (Day 2 was at least as awesome as Day 1… it’s a whole new world opened up to me!). I’ll do at least 30 minutes of cardio, some core exercises, and possibly some weights.
I will do the Shred DVD three times per week: two weekdays and one weekend day. And who knows, maybe by the end of the month, I’ll actually be able to complete the entire 20-minute workout (OMFG it’s haaarrrrdddd!). Oy.

That adds up to five days of exercise per week, which is darn good if you ask me. I used to exercise like that, way back before I got married and moved away from the greatest gym ever. It’s really, really nice to be active and doing something for myself.

So, what about you? Are you going to join the challenge? Do you have your own fitness goals going on right now?

Comments (6)

Categories : Just me

Tags : 30-Day Shred, exercise, Jillian Michaels, Shredheads, weight loss, weight watchers